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fandomhigh2009-12-03 11:02 pm
suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2009-12-03 11:02 pm
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Win Friends | Period 4 | Class 12
Class was back in a classroom this week and Barney was up in front of the desks with a PowerPoint and a podium. "Welcome back! Last class you all created online profiles and I posted them to the internet where a few of them received significant potential hits. The next question is how do we decide which chick or dude we call up?" How indeed. He straightened his tie and clicked the remote, showing the question on the screen: WHICH CHICK?
"Now, the theory of evolution alleges that men evolved from monkeys...but what about women? It seems that as men became less hairy, more upright, and less interested in tossing their own poo, women became more attractive but somehow more crazy.
Today's chicks like to straddle the line between hot and crazy: the hotter they are, the crazier they are; the crazier they are, the hotter they seem. All of this is confusing to a Bro - meaning you dudes. Sorry ladies, you're on the chart for this one - and it's very often dangerous. How is a Bro to know if a chick is hot and crazy in a 'let's duck into the bathroom' kind of way, or hot and crazy in a 'let's huff paint and stalk your ex-girlfriends' kind of way?" See, he knew what he was talking about. Everyone had at least heard about the latter running around town and sighing heavily as certain boys passed.
"Fortunately, I've devised - and published, mind - a test that allows Bros to quickly determine where a chick fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale, as seen here." The screen flicked and the Crazy/Hot graph appeared for all to see its glory.
Now, you know how hot you are. But you probably have no idea how crazy you are – a major contributing factor to the problem. That’s where the great Professor Barnabus Stinson comes to the rescue. Be honest and rate your hotness from 1-10. Then, take the following simple quiz I’ve designed to see where you fall on the hot/crazy scale." He had the TAs pass out papers as that was so not in his job description. Damn he missed Tink helping him pass the time during lectures with talk of sex and stripper poles. Oh, time to talk again? Right.
"Once you've determined your own hotness, here's a special quiz to help you determine where girls and possibly boys you meet line up on the chart. And remember kids, never underestimate the power of the Crazy Eyes. If you have questions about what that means, ask Marshall. He had the first hand experience."
"Now, the theory of evolution alleges that men evolved from monkeys...but what about women? It seems that as men became less hairy, more upright, and less interested in tossing their own poo, women became more attractive but somehow more crazy.
Today's chicks like to straddle the line between hot and crazy: the hotter they are, the crazier they are; the crazier they are, the hotter they seem. All of this is confusing to a Bro - meaning you dudes. Sorry ladies, you're on the chart for this one - and it's very often dangerous. How is a Bro to know if a chick is hot and crazy in a 'let's duck into the bathroom' kind of way, or hot and crazy in a 'let's huff paint and stalk your ex-girlfriends' kind of way?" See, he knew what he was talking about. Everyone had at least heard about the latter running around town and sighing heavily as certain boys passed.
"Fortunately, I've devised - and published, mind - a test that allows Bros to quickly determine where a chick fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale, as seen here." The screen flicked and the Crazy/Hot graph appeared for all to see its glory.
Now, you know how hot you are. But you probably have no idea how crazy you are – a major contributing factor to the problem. That’s where the great Professor Barnabus Stinson comes to the rescue. Be honest and rate your hotness from 1-10. Then, take the following simple quiz I’ve designed to see where you fall on the hot/crazy scale." He had the TAs pass out papers as that was so not in his job description. Damn he missed Tink helping him pass the time during lectures with talk of sex and stripper poles. Oh, time to talk again? Right.
"Once you've determined your own hotness, here's a special quiz to help you determine where girls and possibly boys you meet line up on the chart. And remember kids, never underestimate the power of the Crazy Eyes. If you have questions about what that means, ask Marshall. He had the first hand experience."
Activity | Class 12
Quiz Part 1
a: Gawk from afar and let him pass unbothered.
b: Run up to him and beg to have his babies.
c: Stab him with a pen.
2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:
a: Take a deep breath, count to ten, and do a random act of kindness.
b: Hold down your horn and scream obscenities.
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.
3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:
a: Call the fire department and wait for professional help.
b: Climb up and rescue it, then take it home to join the 125 other cats you currently care for.
c: Stab it with a tree branch.
4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:
a: Explain to him you’re just not compatible and offer to split the check.
b: Start a small fire in the ladies’ bathroom thus evacuating the restaurant and ending your date.
c: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.
5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:
a: Report it to human resources.
b: Go for it, then blackmail him for the rest of his natural life.
c: Stab him with his tie.
Re: Quiz Part 1
2. d. find him, catch him, throw his vehicle off the side of the freeway
3. d. Leave it alone; it clearly wishes to be there.
4. d. Stab him with the lobster claw first. Why wait?
5. d. No one is the boss of me.
Also, see iconRe: Quiz Part 1
1. Who?
2. What's a freeway?
3. I'd rescue it, but I don't have any cats, thank you very much.
4. Clearly courtship is much different in this time.
5. What is that he's passing to me?
Quiz Part 2
a: Drink whatever she gives you, so as to not create a scene.
b: Throw the scalding hot beverage into the barista’s face.
c: Stab her with a coffee cup.
7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:
a: Thank him for doing the Lord’s work and give generously.
b: Tar and feather him from your fifth floor balcony.
c: Stab him with his bell, then steal his bucket.
8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:
a: Happily show them around town taking extra special care of them.
b: Berate them for the measly 12 bucks they gave you on last year’s birthday.
c: Stab them with their dentures.
9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:
a: Locate the wallet’s owner and return it as found.
b: Steal the person’s identity and live as them.
c: Locate the wallet’s owner and stab them with their license.
10. Your boyfriend proposes. You:
a: Tearfully admit that you’re already married but not opposed to polygamy.
b: You say, “Honestly, we’ve had a lot of great times together but I just don’t see a future between us” thus breaking his heart...then you pick up the pieces of said broken heart, and stab him with it.
c: Say, “Yes, yes, a million times yes!”
Re: Quiz Part 2
7. d. Both b and c.
8. ........................a. I don't wish to talk about it.
9. d. Leave it there. I am not a street-cleaner.
10. d. Proposes what?
Re: Quiz Part 2
6. ...a what?
7. Since when did the Army have Santas with bells?
8. My grandparents are dead.
9. Return it to its owner, of course.
10. No answer.