fandomhigh | DADA for Muggles [Wednesday, September 23rd, 5th period]

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dada for muggles

DADA for Muggles [Wednesday, September 23rd, 5th period]

Today the classroom's ceiling was enchanted a cheery blue and the windows were open to let in the breeze. The guests of the week were slightly...well, rank.

"In our first class, zombies were mentioned as being an example of a dark art," Sirius began, giving their exhibits a slightly wary look. But it stopped him from staring rudely at the class. "And while some of the zombies in this town play musical instruments," which was still bloody odd, "that is hardly the, er, preferred career choice for the shuffling undead."

"No, the undead tend to find employment...er, such as it is, under the direction of functioning, living evil creatures. In our world, they're called Inferi, and they serve as dormant guards, until they're disturbed," Remus said. "They they drag their victim down to smother him or her, or drown, as the case may be. Zombies in general, however, from what we've learned in our time here, are often the victims of a sort of virus. Being bitten by a zombie will infect the victim with the condition as well, and since zombies feed on human flesh, it's a cycle of constant biting and infecting. I imagine this is why this genre of film is so popular -- it's a perfect formula."

Sirius nodded. "Though why the people at a dead sprint always lose to things that are losing their limbs remains a mystery for the ages. The lesson to glean from this, children, is that the dead should stay dead. This--" he jerked a thumb toward the Inferi, "--is no way to come back." He clasped his hands together. "Today we offer you two options for interaction: taping back our poor friends' parts onto themselves, or working on a breathing mask so that the smell doesn't knock you out."

"And, ladies and...." Remus stared at the class for a moment before clearing his throat and continuing, "well, gentlemen, we have extra credit for you this week. If you get a chance, go down to the bar and try to interview the zombies in the band there. We're not sure what they'll have to say, but they'll be a different experience from our Inferi."

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"...I knew that." Which didn't stop Francine from sitting down and facedesking. "This is so weird." This didn't count as freaking out, right?

"It is! If it were just one thing, but it isn't. I get why most of the guys were freaking out now. It's not just the bits, or the no-breasts, or the new face, or that I'm five inches taller-- and I kind of love that-- it's all at once." Dinah sat forward, face intent. "It's like driving, with the rear view mirror and the gear shift and the side mirror and the brake and the steering wheel all a the same time. Forget playing the radio! Or getting a phone call from, I don't know, your hormones!" She took a breath, then paused. "I don't sound too freaked out, do I?" Dude. Not cool. Try not to headdesk with Francine.

"On a scale of normal-you to now?" Francine had to smile. "You mostly just sound excited."

"Well. That's something." Dinah sighed, then smirked. "At least I'm not hiding in my room like some people were." More cheerful, she said, "How're you doing?"

Okay, so. This was Dinah. One of maybe two people on this island she could say something like this to, and Firekeeper would listen, but she wouldn't get it.

So far under her breath that even squirrels couldn't hear it, she whispered, "MerlinandIwokeupinbedtogether."

"Whoa," Dinah blurted, before she slapped a hand over her mouth to hide either a smile or anything else from escaping, eyebrows going way up. "Dude."

"Yeah. That was, uh. Weird." Pause. "Confusing."

"I'd guess, yeah!" Then Dinah frowned, looking throughtful, considering her own weirdness of bi-for-a-day, and gave Francine a sympathetic look. "Especially with..." Um. She glanced at the coffee filters again, then nodded, eyes squinting and trying not to picture Merlin and Francine-as-a-guy. "Oh, wow."

Leap to the wrong conclusion without a parachute in three, two, one... "We didn't!" Whoa, way too loud. "I mean. Oh god, you know what I mean. That would've been.....way beyond weird."

"Ah-ha." Dinah nodded wisely, although she was definitely feeling waaaaay out of her depth, and tilted her head in a very-familiar gesture. "But you thought about it, right?"

Oh-ho, this body was so not any less prone to flushing than the other one.

Francine had thought about a lot of things.

"Well. It'dbekindofhardnotto."

And that would be Dinah breaking into what on a guy were uncontrollable snickers at that pun, intentional or not, and turning just as red. Stupid fair Viking skin. Cough.

"Um." Hee! "Right. Well..." What to say? What Would Tony Say? Yeah, no, don't say that. "Whatever you do, I hope it goes... well."

Who knew boy Francine could make this face too? :-O

"OhmygodIamnotgonnadoANYTHINGexceptgobacktomyroomandsleepinmyownbedtonight!"

"Right! Sleep well!" Dinah said, nodding vehemently. "Because, yeah. With the... right. Moving on." She blew out a breath and involuntarily blew glitter over toward Francine. And frowned. "Um. So. Zombie filters?"

Moooooooooooving on. Right.

Francine flicked glitter off her nose. "What if you used two, and stuck something that actually smells good between them? Or at least strong. Like, uh. Vapo-Rub."

"Ooo." That might actually work. Dinah looked around the boxes, rummaging, finding cough syrup, peanut butter, glue-- no, no -- and finally some air freshener solids. "Ha. Think these will work?" She grinned and started peeling the casing apart, beaming at Francine. "Smart. They do this on Crime Scene Investigators, don't they?"

"I don't usually watch those shows - they get too--" She thought she was going to say gory, but it came out "--depressing. The science is probably all cool if you're into it, but there's always somebody who died."

Dinah nodded, getting that. "Yeah, and a family that misses them, and some really depressing murderer, either psycho or stupid--" She frowned at the wax-fragrance stick, then carefully smeared some of it on the coffee filter. "I like the science, though. And cheering on the forensics guys, even if they exaggerate stuff. Justice always gets served, you know?" She paused thoughtfully. "I still want to watch America's Next Top Model tonight. Although that might be... weird."

"How come?" The model shows -- aside from the Chad Show -- could be a different kind of depressing, but Francine caught them sometimes anyway.

"Ummm..." Dinah caught herself blushing, but this was Francine, so. "I, or at least, this body? Kinda likes girls. I guess." She coughed. "I'd rather it didn't like them a lot in public."

Oh yay, look, duct tape!

Please excuse the staring. And then the sinkng a little lower in her seat like that could make her voice even smaller. "I um. Ah. Not just me then."

Yes, Francine, gloss over the part where you recall a small handful of girlbodies in enough detail that your boybody can get turned on by thinking of them even though they're currently also boys.

"Not just me? Whew. No. So not just you." Dinah had no idea if this was some latent thing? Or the biology? Or what. Liking guys was confusing enough as a girl; liking everybody to different degrees in a body that was only male-for-a-day was doubly so.

"So yeah. Maybe something very... neutral tonight. Another Crime Scene. Or possibly Dancing With the Stars. I dunno."

"You could try to find the unsexiest thing ever," Francine suggested helpfully and with a small grin. "America's Funniest Home Surgeries?"

Dinah snorted, then grinned. "I think I saw that on the Discovery Channel. Cool. That solves that problem." She attached the coffee filters to some paper clips, and a length of rubberbands. "Voila! Zombie protection!"

"Hmm. Needs more glitter." Everything always needed more glitter.

Re: Make breathing devices!

blondecanary.livejournal.com - 2009-09-24 01:43 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Make breathing devices!

thatsamilkshake - 2009-09-24 01:53 (UTC) - Expand

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