fandomhigh | How to be Awesome | Week 7 | Period 6

Barney was a hot ball of Awesome at the front of the room, all dressed in grey with hints of appropriate black for the highest level of GQ he could potentially attain. "Oh-tee-pees! One TRUE Pairings for the Luddites out there who don't have an iPhone or know what text messaging is. It seems Fandom is suffering from a rash of OTPs - relationships that, rather than going as far as they can and then crashing and burning in the blissful blow of a breakup--" he paused because this was really important "-continue on into eternity! 'Oh, we'll never be apart! We were em-tee-bee!'" The sicky sweet tone assured the class Barney did not subscribe to this idea of relationships at all.

"No, you weren't meant to be, you were meant to get your hands on as many hot seventeen-year-olds as possible before you turned eighteen and they became illegal! Embrace your youth! Or soon you'll become like my alleged friend Robin, a hot and talented bro who has decided to marry a Mountie! And while yes, this will provide me with more jokes than the average marriage? I am horrified for her loss. I was told copious amounts of alcohol and strippers would not defeat her engagement plans and thus, I have begun plans for the last resort to really show a bro how to return to the world of Being Awesome - an INTERVENTION!" With a theatrical wave of his hand, a large banner, displaying the word 'INTERVENTION' in large red letters unrolled from the top of the white board.

"For engagement and," a pause for shuddering, "marriage Interventions, I have devised a fantastic form letter to be completed by the bro worrying about their formerly Awesome friend and read aloud during the actual Intervention. Feel free to take a look at that as you devise your very own Intervention letter." He pointed to a stack of papers he intended to make the TAs pass out, had they deigned to show for class.

"This is your final task as students of Awesome. Luckily, I've yet to hear disturbing news of any students becoming engaged lately. And despite knowing engagement is often the gateway to marriage (the leading cause of monogamy) we're skipping the relationship Intervention today in favor of different, yet equally dangerous topics. It is up to you to convince your bros that whatever it is they are doing is hurtful and/or wrong on a biblical level. Now, get with a partner and enact your assigned intervention with GUSTO!" And yes, when he said 'gusto' there was an impressive display of sparks appearing in front of Barney. He loved a little theatrical magic to accent his words on Intervention Day.

A list of their assigned interventions was then made visible beneath the glory of the INTERVENTION banner.

Alex Karev - Your bro will not stop singing...everything.
Bobby Drake - Your bro relates everything to hockey. In a Canadian accent.
Chuck Bass - Your bitch chews and crunches all of his food louder than a T-Rex ripping up a vegan.
Claudia Kishi - Your bro wears skirts with pants. Need we say more?
Effy Stonem - Your bro is turning into a crazy cat lady.
Elena - Your bro asks the Magic 8-Ball for its opinion before doing anything.
Eva Rodriguez - Your bro starts every story with, 'This one time, at band camp...'
Fiona Post - Your bro will not stop using air quotes no matter how annoying.
Griff O'Conner - Your bro thinks they know stuff.
Harper Finkle - Your bro dyes their hair so often you never know what you should be looking for when you meet them at the bar.
Hurley Reyes - Your bro insists on wearing the lamest red boots known to man everywhere she goes.
Jack Burton - Your bro wears leggings. With stirrups.
Jo Harvelle - Your bro is still talking about Michael Jackson.
Layla Miller - Your bro quotes the weather channel. About the weather.
Leto Atreides - Your bro hums loudly and off key during all lulls in conversation.
Priestly - Your bro won't stop speaking in French.
Prince Edward - Your bro calls other bros 'bro' instead of 'dude' or 'man.'
Sam Winchester - Your bro won't shut up about that new ABC Family gymnastics program.
Sam Witwicky - Your bro continually comes up with 'witty' nicknames for everyone. You are 'Spunky.'
Wendy Watson - Your bro wears socks with sandals. Are we 60?
Yakko Warner - Your bro dances with his hands above his head. He's one step away from being a woo girl.

"Oh, and I so look forward to watching your videos! Don't forget to turn them in! As always, you've been Awesome!"

[Course Information | Roster ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Sure!" which came out a little overeager, but that was to be expected when you'd just spent the last five minutes writing the most unnecessary letter ever composed.

"Did you finish your letter thing?"

"Yeah," Hurley said. "It's probably not any good, though."

"You first or me?"

She'd leave it up to him. Be nice about it.

"How about you first," Hurley said. "That way we start off good."

Haaa, that was funny.

She handed over her letter which, when he opened it, would read as follows:

Dear Friend,

While poignant quotes are very interesting and useful in a number of situations, all these quotes concerning air strike me as strange and unhelpful. At this point, I'm starting to think you're making things up and so, if you cannot provide sources and page numbers for your quotes, I will be forced to tell others that you are simply making things up. Why you're obsessed with quotes about air, I don't know, but I think there are better things to focus on and frankly, everyone is tired of hearing about it. I say this, of course, as a friend and I'm always there if you need to maybe discuss something that has nothing to do with air, such as astronomy or deep sea diving.

...yes, someone has no idea what 'air quotes' are.

Hurley read the letter, mouthing a few of the word as he went.

"...Dude, I have no idea what I need to stop doing, but I'm gonna."

He was so helpful that way.

She winced.

"It said that I had to tell you to stop using air quotes because it's really annoying," she told him.

"I don't know anyone who uses all that many air quotes, but I tried."

"Ohhhhh," Hurley said. "Air quotes."

He even airquoted when he said 'air quotes' to demonstrate.

"...bunnies?"

Yeah, this is the face of a lost goddess, Hurley. No clue here.

"...You know what, it doesn't matter," Hurley said. "You did good."

She blushed bright red before holding her hand out for his.

"Can we go to yours now?"

"You know, I think I'm just gonna read it, if that's okay? My handwriting isn't the best," Hurley said.

She pulled her hand away and stepped back, nodding as she did.

"All right. Go ahead."

"So, uhhhh, Dear Bro," Hurley read, holding up his letter.

"Your boots were not made for walking. Or anything. Other than being really red and kinda nasty. You shouldn't wear them. Blind people think your boots are ugly. Maybe you should buy some sneakers. I hope that's okay. Cause... sneakers are cool and stuff. And they would better suit your feet."

Hurley was not a great writer.

"Okay," she said with a thought, "that was pretty good. And it was wittier than min, really, with the joke about blind people."

"Wasn't too mean?" Hurley said. He didn't want to be mean.

"A little mean, but in a way that made the point. Sometimes you have to be a little mean," she said.

"But not too mean. I'd have said something if it was."

"I guess I'm just... afraid of being too mean," Hurley said.

That made her blink a little.

"Do people think you're mean a lot?"

Hurley shook his head. "And hopefully they never will."

"I don't think so, just from how you've been when I talked to you," she said in a hopefully comforting tone.

"Thanks," Hurley said. "...man, I'm glad this class is gonna be over."

"You're not the only one. Though I do like the suit," she had to admit.

"Yeah, the suit was cool. I kinda... worry about the teacher, though," Hurley said.

"I'm reasonably certain he's insane," she shared with a matter-of-fact sort of nod.

Re: INTERVENTION! [Awesome W7]

likes-chicken.livejournal.com - 2009-08-17 18:25 (UTC) - Expand

How to be Awesome | Week 7 | Period 6 | Mon. 8/17

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