fandomhigh | Library [08/05]

Between Chuck acting like nothing had changed between them and Peter insisting that what happened in the other Fandom had nothing to do with his destiny here, Sam was pretty sure that he should have been feeling a lot better about everything that had gone on over the weekend. But no amount of comfort could fully shake the images from his dreams out of his head, or the thoughts of what the other Sam had done, and how he'd destroyed his Dean in the process, or the thoughts of what he'd done when he was supposed to be the better, less evil version of himself. After dealing with Gordon and this glimpse of himself, Sam was seriously starting to consider the possibility that he might not be able to make as strong of a stand against his supposed destiny as he thought, and he wasn't sure if any amount of comfort and assurance from others would fix that now.

Luckily, if there was one thing Winchesters were good at, it was repression, and Sam thought he was doing a pretty good job of looking calm and collected as he stopped at the Perk, and then went to open the library.

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"Me? I'm fine," Peyton said. "I'm not the one who ended up falling randomly asleep and ending up in some evil vampire world thing. I just sat here and worried about everyone."

"And I'm glad for that," Sam said. "But worrying isn't easy either."

"Yeah, well, I'm good at worrying anyway," Peyton pointed out. "You already know that. Besides it took my mind off other stuff. Oh, that reminds me..."

She dug in her bag and pulled out two CDs. "These are the ones I made with my - with Ellie." And swallowed hard to be able to go on with the rest of it. "I can't seem to track Dean down, left him a message and all but... Anyway, maybe you could give him this one and if you want one, there's one here for you."

"Wow, it's really all done? That's awesome," Sam said, taking the CDs. "I'll make sure Dean gets one, definitely. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry about Ellie."

"Yeah. It's really good, too," Peyton said with a half smile. "And thank you. It's worth a lot."

She fiddled with her bag. "Found her when I went to show her the CDs. So she never got to hear it."

"Oh wow," Sam said sadly. "I'm sure she was glad she got to see you, and spend that time with you."

"Yeah." Peyton started to say she wasn't too sure about that, given that Ellie'd stopped seeing her weeks before her death, but stopped herself..

"I think mostly, I'm just glad I got the chance to know her before - you know. She made me see a lot of things more clearly."

"And that's good when you're going to be setting off for the real world," Sam said. "You both got something good out of it."

"She made me see that I'm really worth something, you know. And that I shouldn't settle for things that really aren't what I want or deserve, no matter how much I wish they were what I wanted."

Things like settling for the friends with benefits thing with Dean or not going to college or not going after her dreams because she didn't think she was good enough in any respect to deserve more.

"I'm sorry you didn't think you were worth something before," Sam said sincerely. "You really were."

"It's not that I didn't think I was worth anything," Peyton explained. "Just, you know, that I was never enough that anyone would really want just me for me or my talents. Not enough for me to be special."

She shrugged with a smile. "Except for my music trivia skills, of course."

Sam laughed softly. "Well, now you know. And you got to do something a lot of people don't get to do. Some people go their whole lives without ever even meeting their birth mother."

She winced. "I'm sorry. I'm terrible. I didn't even think - God, Sam."

"What? Oh, no," Sam said quickly, shaking his head. "I didn't mean--I wasn't talking about my mom, not really. You knew your mom was out there, and you couldn't see her. That's like a whole separate thing. I'm really glad you got to meet her, and I'm sorry she wasn't around longer."

"I didn't know actually," she admitted. "It was really about the worst moment in my life when she showed up last summer. I... I didn't know I'd been adopted till she showed up and announced she was my birth mother."

"Oh wow," Sam said. "That's--now I'm even more glad that you met her."

"I actually drove her off," Peyton admitted. "It was horrible. But when I decided I wanted to try and see her, Angela and Dean helped me. They came with me and when she told me she didn't want to see me anymore Dean said... something to her and she changed her mind. So at least I got a few weeks with her."

"Dean's good with people like that," Sam said. "Not as good as I am," he added with a smirk, "but we know how to get people to see the bigger picture."

"I'll keep that in mind if I have any more biological parents show up," she teased. "Make you come with me."

Library [08/05]

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