fandomhigh | Ethics & Etiquette - 1st Period

There was a space cleared today and a boombox. No, Deadpool wasn't planning on a Say Anything moment, mostly because he hated Peter Gabriel. Hated him so freakin' much.

"Gooood mornin' kids! I'm Deadpool--" He paused, staring at his co-teacher expectantly.

"And I'm Captain America?" Steve said, his expression suggesting he wasn't sure that was what Deadpool wanted him to say, but he was willing to run it up the flagpole.

That worked! "And together we fight crime." A beat. "Wait... no. Just teaching. I don't think we've ever had a crime fighting team up. Well, other than that one time there was time travel involved and I think you were dead then."

Steve stared at him for a moment, then said, "Right. Of course. That time."

Hey, he was used to that response! And it wasn't his fault they were both pulled from before that happened. And that it was slowly being retconed by bad writers to create a new Wolverine. He blamed Ryan Reynolds.

"Today we'll be talking about how to behave out on the dance floor. No bumpin' and grindin' like you kids do and making sure to leave room for Jesus. Which is kinda pervy if you ask me, but hey. Who am I to judge?"

Steve didn't understand what Jesus had to do with it, but, "Dancing is, of course, important to know at least the basics of in many social situations. There are so many different types of dance I'm not even going to try to list them, but they all have their place."

"Now, when asking a girl--or boy, I don't judge unless it's funny--to dance, you want to be aware of their feelings and act as politely as you can." A beat. "Just drag 'em caveman style out onto the dance floor, I say. But first say something that makes no sense like 'Nobody puts baby in the corner' even though you're a good ten years older than them. You perv. I know what you all are thinking. And it's wrong. Twisted and wrong and you're all going to go to hell for it. Especially you," Deadpool said, picking someone at random. Because it was more fun that way.

Steve didn't know what to do with that, so he did what he'd found worked best with Deadpool: ignored it. "And now, since it's kind of silly to just talk about something instead of doing it, it's time to dance."

Pushing play on the boombox, they were graced with the soothing tones of The Spice Girls.

Deadpool made a face. "Okay, I'm killin' Tasky for this."

Steve looked horrified, but not undermining his fellow teacher's plans was part of his plan for getting through this class with as much of his sanity as possible. "Everyone dance to this...music," he said faintly. "I think we have a trophy for the best dancer. Don't we?"

"I made it myself!" Fear for your safety children. Fear. It was a discoball glued to an old bowling trophy and it might give you lockjaw. And not even the cool dog Lockjaw!

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... This was kind of getting to be a trend, wasn't it?

Zack, fully clothed and looking very sheepish indeed, edged over to Deadpool, cleared his throat, and held up the wee fox that he'd dragged with him to class today.

"I think this is yours?"

"Max!" Deadpool snatched her back, stroking the giant ears soothingly. Because Max was sooo upset to sleep somewhere else. Really.

"Did you scar her for life with your nudity?"

"She made a nest out of my hair," Zack replied, blushing something fierce at the mention of yesterday's little jaunt. "And that was after spending the better part of the night gnawing on me. I don't think she was all that scarred."

Mostly, it just made him want a puppy or something of his own. She was all little and warm and awwwwwwwwww.

"Look at her! She'll never be the same!" Deadpool insisted as Max busied herself with licking at his gloves. "I'll need to call that pet therapist and everything."

...

"They make those?"

Pet therapists? Seriously?

"...well, I assume it's a hoax, but it might be fun!"

"You honestly think that Max would sit still long enough on that little couch to tell the therapist about her childhood?"

Puppyhood? Kithood?

Wee baby foxhood?

Kithood, thank you.

"...you make an excellent point."

"Every now and again, I do that." A pause. A fidget. "Uh. Thanks for more or less keeping me out of trouble while I was a dog."

"Eh, you made a surprisingly okay dog." A beat. "I hope Jan didn't put too many bows on you."

"When it comes to toddlers, puppies, and bows, I'm not sure there's such a thing as too many." Zack shrugged, smiling easily enough. "She probably wants those back huh?"

Hey, Zack didn't mind the pretty bows so much. Where he was from, a ribbon was pretty much the most awesome accessory for hardened fighters ever.

... Gaia was weird that way.

Gaia was VERY weird like that.

"Nah. Just make sure to bring her some ice cream or something. Kid needs normal interactions in her life."

Still not a parent. Noooope.

At least Zack hadn't gone out questing enough to find himself a pretty pair of earrings and a pearl necklace, yet.

Operative word: Yet. He'd wear that pearl necklace, and it would totally protect him from poison and keep him from losing the ability to cast spells, too.

"Ice cream, I can do!"

Gaia was the gayest world ever. Gayer than the place that Toby guy was from.

"She likes strawberry," Deadpool confided.

Gaia: Very, very gay. But they made up for it with hardcore, manly members of SOLDIER like...

...

Actually, Sephiroth and Genesis pretty much just confirmed the gay, didn't they?

"I like strawberry, too," Zack mused. It was pink. He liked pink... Thus cementing the gayness of Gaia without question. "Is there any time that's good to swing by with ice cream out of the blue for the best playmate a puppy could have asked for?"

GAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

"I know Nate's in the shop on Saturdays. And he's insanely paranoid about anyone going near her without him bein' around. So, I'd suggest then."

"Saturdays it is, then! Thanks!"

And then a moment to give Max another little grin, for good measure.

"And I'm sorry for stealing your fox. It probably won't happen again."

Barring animal transformation and unexpected nudity, anyhow.

Ethics & Etiquette - 1st Period - 7/20

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