fandomhigh | Ethics & Etiquette - 1st Period

There was a space cleared today and a boombox. No, Deadpool wasn't planning on a Say Anything moment, mostly because he hated Peter Gabriel. Hated him so freakin' much.

"Gooood mornin' kids! I'm Deadpool--" He paused, staring at his co-teacher expectantly.

"And I'm Captain America?" Steve said, his expression suggesting he wasn't sure that was what Deadpool wanted him to say, but he was willing to run it up the flagpole.

That worked! "And together we fight crime." A beat. "Wait... no. Just teaching. I don't think we've ever had a crime fighting team up. Well, other than that one time there was time travel involved and I think you were dead then."

Steve stared at him for a moment, then said, "Right. Of course. That time."

Hey, he was used to that response! And it wasn't his fault they were both pulled from before that happened. And that it was slowly being retconed by bad writers to create a new Wolverine. He blamed Ryan Reynolds.

"Today we'll be talking about how to behave out on the dance floor. No bumpin' and grindin' like you kids do and making sure to leave room for Jesus. Which is kinda pervy if you ask me, but hey. Who am I to judge?"

Steve didn't understand what Jesus had to do with it, but, "Dancing is, of course, important to know at least the basics of in many social situations. There are so many different types of dance I'm not even going to try to list them, but they all have their place."

"Now, when asking a girl--or boy, I don't judge unless it's funny--to dance, you want to be aware of their feelings and act as politely as you can." A beat. "Just drag 'em caveman style out onto the dance floor, I say. But first say something that makes no sense like 'Nobody puts baby in the corner' even though you're a good ten years older than them. You perv. I know what you all are thinking. And it's wrong. Twisted and wrong and you're all going to go to hell for it. Especially you," Deadpool said, picking someone at random. Because it was more fun that way.

Steve didn't know what to do with that, so he did what he'd found worked best with Deadpool: ignored it. "And now, since it's kind of silly to just talk about something instead of doing it, it's time to dance."

Pushing play on the boombox, they were graced with the soothing tones of The Spice Girls.

Deadpool made a face. "Okay, I'm killin' Tasky for this."

Steve looked horrified, but not undermining his fellow teacher's plans was part of his plan for getting through this class with as much of his sanity as possible. "Everyone dance to this...music," he said faintly. "I think we have a trophy for the best dancer. Don't we?"

"I made it myself!" Fear for your safety children. Fear. It was a discoball glued to an old bowling trophy and it might give you lockjaw. And not even the cool dog Lockjaw!

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Deadpool was there. And humming along.

... This was kind of getting to be a trend, wasn't it?

Zack, fully clothed and looking very sheepish indeed, edged over to Deadpool, cleared his throat, and held up the wee fox that he'd dragged with him to class today.

"I think this is yours?"

"Max!" Deadpool snatched her back, stroking the giant ears soothingly. Because Max was sooo upset to sleep somewhere else. Really.

"Did you scar her for life with your nudity?"

"She made a nest out of my hair," Zack replied, blushing something fierce at the mention of yesterday's little jaunt. "And that was after spending the better part of the night gnawing on me. I don't think she was all that scarred."

Mostly, it just made him want a puppy or something of his own. She was all little and warm and awwwwwwwwww.

"Look at her! She'll never be the same!" Deadpool insisted as Max busied herself with licking at his gloves. "I'll need to call that pet therapist and everything."

...

"They make those?"

Pet therapists? Seriously?

"...well, I assume it's a hoax, but it might be fun!"

"You honestly think that Max would sit still long enough on that little couch to tell the therapist about her childhood?"

Puppyhood? Kithood?

Wee baby foxhood?

Kithood, thank you.

"...you make an excellent point."

Re: Talk to the Teachers

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After the class ended, Kate dropped by. With a penguin peeking out of the bag she was carrying.

You could tell she was still half asleep by the way she chose to talk to the costumed teacher instead of the normal-looking one. "Morning, Mr. ...Deadpool?" At least she could still guess which one was which.

"Yes, Happy Feet?"

"Um, hi," Kate said. "He was supposed to be in this class." She pointed at the penguin. "It's Bobby. Bobby Drake."

"Oh, I know who Bobby is," Deadpool said dismissively. "I think he'd off bein' emo back home for some reason. Maybe it was hookin' up with Mystique, maybe it was his tragic UST with JP. Who knows."

Kate did the staring thing. She seemed to be doing that a lot here. She snapped herself out of it.

"...Okay... Well he's here and he's a penguin. I thought you'd maybe want to know."

Well, Deadpool got that reaction to people that mad sense to.

"Can we make him swim around in icy water for the entertainment of all?"

"Well, he is a penguin, so he probably wouldn't mind." A pause. "Although I'm not sure if using him for entertainment would be... right."

Deadpool gave her puppy eyes. Through the mask.

That took skill!

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There was Claire, wandering over to the teacher after that... interesting lecture. A yellow lab puppy was close at her heels.

"Excuse me, sir," she said. "This is Jon O'Neill. He's in your class, but... well, he's a puppy and can't participate today."

"Ahhh, clone-pup," Deadpool replied knowingly. "How's that workin' for him?"

Jon barked.

Claire smirked. "He's a little testy because I keep throwing him out of my alcove when I change clothes. But other than that, he's okay."

"I suggest ribbons and bows. Zack liked 'em when he was a puppy." A beat. "The kid put them on him. Not me."

Claire laughed, but Jon growled. "Okay, okay, no ribbons and bows," she promised.

"Doggie mani-pedis?"

Jon growled again. "Guess not," Claire said with a grin. "Anyway, I won't keep you from class. Just wanted to make sure you knew Jon wasn't skipping."

Deadpool gave her a thumbs up. "Good to know, blondie."