fandomhigh | How to be Awesome | Week 2 | Period 6

Today, class was meeting in the computer lab as they had been ~~handwavily~~ instructed. "So, I see most of you managed to come back," Barney said, taking his place at the front of the room and starting up his PowerPoint presentation. Oh yes, visual aids were necessary this week.

"Today we're talking about how to awesomely deliver bad news. I know, it doesn't seem like something you should have to worry yourself with, and it's true that news should just be blurted out, ripped off like a sticky band-aid, or screamed from the rooftops. Of course, in all those situations, you - the bearer of said news - are left to deal with the other person's reaction." This was obviously the distasteful part for Barney as he eyerolled before continuing.

"Wouldn't it be great if we could just Awesomely distract people from caring?" He clicked the remote and showed the words I banged your mom on the screen. "Rough news for the BFF to take, am I right? But oh, look!" The screen shimmered to include a lovely photo of girls kissing above the same block print phrase. "Two lesbians making out! Everything's instantly better, right?" Of course it was.

"Let's see another example." The words Grandma's dead popped up on the screen next. "Woe, that'd be a real tearjerker for my friend Marshall!" Barney sniffed dramatically. "At least until..." A picture of two adorable golden retriever puppies playing in a wagon and gnawing on a pumpkin flashed up above the words. "Let's cue the awws from the saps in the audience. Oh yes, Eriksen would join you, smiling through his giant, girlish tears. Let's pause for the mental image." Which Barney did, counting to five in his head.

"So! What you're doing today is taking your assigned bad news and searching the internet for something to make it instantly better! Naturally, that means different things to different people, like in the case of Marshall versus a real man, so keep your recipient in mind while you make your selection. Oh, and if any of you don't know what a computer is, make one of the TAs help you. That is why they exist."

Alex Karev - I blew your 401K on drugs and whores.
Bobby Drake - There is no Santa Claus.
Chuck Bass - I screwed your mom and your girlfriend. At the same time.
Claudia Kishi - I used to be a man.
Effy Stonem - Sometimes I pay for sex.
Elena - Your baby is ugly.
Eva Rodriguez - It's only sunny because there's a hole in the ozone layer.
Fiona Post - I'm into weird shit.
Griffin O'Conner - You're bad in bed.
Harper Finkle - Your toupee isn't fooling anyone.
Hurley Reyes - You don't matter.
Jack Burton - The condom broke.
Jo Harvelle - I'm a meth addict. Can I borrow 40 bucks?
Layla Miller - You're the father.
Leto Atreides - You're bad in bed.
Priestly - Mom blew your college fund on crystal meth.
Prince Edward - I'm a registered sex offender.
Sam Winchester - It's cancer.
Sam Witwicky - The meteor cannot be stopped.
Wendy Watson - We have to amputate.
Yakko Warner - You have B.O.

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"Are you sure you want to go with animals?" Layla said peeking over Griff's shoulder. "Might send the wrong message."

"And what message would that be?" Griff asked, looking away from the baby seal he'd almost decided on.

"Well if I'm being told I'm bad in bed," Layla commented. "The last thing I want my sexual prowess related to is to some sort of animal."

He had to admit she had a point. "So...what would you want to see? Pictures of old ladies and afghans?"

"Again... I'd prefer not to be considered a geezer," Layla replied and then got a dreamy expression on her face. "Personally? I'd like to see Jamie Madrox with his shirt off. But if you want to get an A for an assignment you're probably better off getting something racy for Stinson's pleasure."

"But if you're really bad, maybe it would be a comfort to see a warm blanket?" He was clueless here.

"Jamie Madrox you say? Is it safe to google him?" Griff was worried he was some porn star or something.

"A blanket maybe. Not an old woman though," Layla replied. "And Jamie Madrox... well he was a former student here. You're better off not googling him. He's just my future husband."

"Your husband? When are you getting married?" He also assumed they were dating.

"Not for a long time yet," Layla replied as she leaned back in her chair. "He still needs to wreak havoc in a couple of people's personal lives and then hit rock bottom. Plus I have to grow up in an alternate future so there isn't any squick issues. It'll be a while and depending on what happens here it may not happen."

"...Uh, how can you know all this?" He blinked, a little concerned for how naturally she talked about her potential future.

"Because I'm Layla Miller," she replied as if this were an obvious thing. "I know stuff."

Um. "Yeah. That doesn't actually explain anything."

"Sure it does," Layla replied cheerfully. "It implies I know things but specifically what I know."

"Being stuff," he supplied, making an attempt to understand.

"Right!" Layla said with a bright smile. "You got it."

This one was certainly different. "So why do I feel like I still know nothing?"

"I don't know," Layla said with a little smirk. "I'm not a minder reader."

He laughed. "Of course not, you just know stuff. About stuff. That you know."

"Exactly," Layla chirped. "See? You understand more than you thought you did."

How to be Awesome | Week 2 | Period 6 | Mon. 7/13

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