fandomhigh | How to be Awesome | Week 1 | Period 6

Barney was back. Teaching. It had to be a joke and yet it wasn't. He strode into the Danger Shop like he owned it, blond hair perfect, dark grey suit screaming, 'Why yes, this jacket did cost more than a year's tuition to this school!' With a click of a remote, the room transformed around the class to become a massive department store dressing area with a long covered rack, tables and chairs for students, and a podium for the teacher.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life," Barney announced, smoothing his tie as he took his position at the podium. "Over the next several weeks, you will be challenged by the most LEGEN- wait for it and I sure hope you're not lactose intolerant because the next word is -DARY workshop to ever grace the halls of Fandom High. Should you value your Awesomeness and ever want to get laid regularly, heed my words, people.” Barney paused, looking pointedly at certain students who had obviously never suited up in their lives.

"The journey to Awesome starts with the ritualistic destruction of all things denim. No more will you wear your lemming-style jeans, your witty t-shirts, or your--" he shuddered visibly "--cargo pants. To be taken seriously you must and I repeat you WILL SUIT UP!" With that exclamation, Barney hit another button on his remote and the covering exploded off of the rack, dramatically uncovering expensive-looking suits in all shapes (yes, even female ones) and sizes.

Pleased with drama, Barney snapped his fingers to regain student attention at his podium. "These suits are yours to keep, and I expect you to suit up for every workshop this session. No exceptions! If you don’t wear a suit to class, you will earn a special seat in the hell that is Fandom detention. I promise you’ll be thanking me for this before the session is over."

"Now, why should you wear a suit outside of class, you ask? That’s simple, people. Any man--or woman-- serious about the art of consistent layage needs to comprehend the following truism: Chicks love suits. Why? Because men look hot in suits. See Example A,” Barney gestured to his own incredibly hot, suit-clad body. “Wear your suit on a date and your date will be awesome, guaranteed." Okay, not always, but he was working on building hope in these fools this week.

"Now lemmings, I want you to pick out a suit and put it on. There are trick suits on the suit rack. Your first challenge is to select a suit that will work for you without making anyone else go blind. Then, I want each of you to introduce yourself, tell us why you’re in this workshop, and give your level of experience with your preference of women or men." Barney paused and looked around the room. "What are you waiting for? SUIT UP!"

He waited a moment, watching the students before calling out, "Oh and you! Yes, you with the face. Too slow to move, join the grad in glasses as her assistant TA!" It was good to be the king. Even of a class like this.

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"You don't need to do that. Especially since I don't want to owe you for something I don't even have a need for," Sam said.

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Trust me, you'll be doing me the favor. And you won't pay me back. I like doing this kind of stuff. Ask Valentine."

"There." He finished tying up the last bit and pushed on Sam's shoulders to make him stand up straight.

Sam stood up and looked at his reflection in the closest mirror. He had to admit, he did look a lot better now.

"You can't expect me to believe you'd do that without getting anything in return," he said. "You've never seemed that charitable."

"I'm not charitable. I just like buying things," he said. "Doesn't matter who for."

He really was the type who preferred to give than to get. He in no way wanted to admit that out loud though.

"I don't even know when I'd wear a suit, aside from more dances or something," Sam said, still pretty sure this was a bad idea.

"You have to wear one every Monday for the next six weeks," Chuck reminded him. "Stop fighting me on this. When are you going to learn that when I want to do something I'm going to go ahead and do it with or without your permission?"

Sam knew when he wasn't going to win, and even though he rolled his eyes, he knew it wouldn't do any good. "I guess it would be hard to buy a suit if I wasn't there to try it on," he admitted.

Actually Chuck had oogled Sam to a point where, if asked, he probably guess pretty close to his size. He was smart enough to not mention that little talent, however.

"It does make it difficult, yes," he said. "Guess you'll have to come along."

"Promise this won't be embarrassing?" Sam said in a hopeful tone.

"Sam, it's getting fitted for a suit, not stripping for an audience," Chuck said. "Men, normal men with taste, do it all the time. It's not going to be embarrassing."

"I guess," he said reluctantly. "But there's a lot of ways you could embarrass me in a non-embarrassing setting."

"I promise I'll do my best to be mindful of your delicate sensibilities," Chuck said. Of course his best was kind of weak.

How to be Awesome | Week 1 | Period 6 | Mon. 7/6

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