fandomhigh | Culture Shock, Thursday, 6/25, Period 2

Ah, finals week. The best week of the term, so far as Algren was concerned. Today was the day that he could throw whatever he felt like at the kids, call it a major assignment, and then send them on their merry way while letting them think that he actually had taken time to come up with this stuff.

He kind of had. It had taken a lot of whiskey. But that totally counted as thinking.

"I'm going to assume that the lot of you are more or less capable of surviving the shock that Fandom may or may not have brought about. After all, you've been here for a full term now without completely losing your minds. Congratulations."

He tilted his chin upward slightly, looking around the Danger Shop. "But in no time at all, there's going to be a group of entirely new students, who are going to be just as put-off by Fandom as the lot of you were. Now that you know both what it feels like and what the stages of culture shock actually are, it's time to put them to use. When you all arrived, you were assigned a big sibling, so I'm going to assume that you know more or less what their role here is."

Beside each student, a stick-man shimmered into place, frozen in a kind of two-dimensional stupor as though it was trying to figure out what to make of his surroundings.

"This is your little sibling assignment for the rest of the period. And you better believe that he's got a fair bit of adjusting to do. Get to it. And then when you're done, write me a list of challenges that this boy is bound to face during his stay here."

Well, obviously it was a boy. It had legs instead of a triangle at the bottom.

[OCD ~~coming~~ up! Have at thee!]

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"It's... um." Did she even have anything on her that reflected? Oh! Francine leaned over to peer into his wee dotty eyes, and pointed to her own. "See how there's little yous in my eyes?"

Stickby did indeed look, a thoughtful frown on his mouth that suggested that, if he could be squinting? He would be.

And then he straightened up again, looking about as shocked as he possibly could.

"There are! How did they get there?" He leaned forward again, waving one blobby little round hand in her face. "Hey, guuuuys! I'm out here! You don't have to hide, honest!"

They waved back! And Francine giggled.

"Huh," Stickby grunted, standing back again and crossing his arms over his... torso... that was a line. Over his liney-chest. Thing.

That.

"I guess they're not feeling very social today. They're probably new around here, too."

A pause.

"Unless your eyes ate them. Please tell me your eyes didn't eat them."

Francine's eyes got much bigger. The better to, uh. See him with. Yes.

"Nooo!" That was both viscerally disturbing and really gross. Which might be the same thing; Francine wasn't positive. "My eyes don't eat people! ...Or anything else!"

"You can never be too sure! Everything is so... weird and three-dimensional and colourful here."

Maybe eyes totally could eat people, around these parts?

"You'll get used to it," Francine said in an encouraging voice. "If nothing else, it means the cookies are bigger!" Not that she entirely wanted to try to image how he could eat cookies.

It was probably for the best to not attempt to piece together how a guy with no discernible torso could possibly eat cookies.

Or where they'd go if he did.

"Bigger cookies are always a bonus," Stickby decided, heaving a... round ball that could very well have been intended to be a fist into the air. Score! "Thanks for all of your help, Francine! Anything else I should learn before I head off to try to find my room?"

"Um." It wasn't that she couldn't think of lots of things. It was just that she'd end up having to explain what air was before she could build up to 'don't breathe in when it rains glitter or you'll get Glitter Lung.'

Oh! "Don't tip or rock the vending machines in the dorms. They won't dispense free product." There was a sign and everything. "And they could fall on you." ...and make him flatter or something.

... That was the best advice ever.

"Totally noted! I'm not in the mood to get squished by a vending machine!" Whatever that was! "Thanks, Francine! If I need anything else, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for you!"

Culture Shock, Thursday, 6/25, Period 2

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