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Practical Etiquette, Period 3, Class #2 - Thursday, May 21st

Miss Bennet was followed into class by a small trail of tiny Canadian moose. They were adorable and wobbly, and Miss Bennet had to resist the urge to cuddle them. That would not be terribly proper, she reminded herself.

"Today," she said, "I ask that you pay no attention to the delightful moose that have graced us with their presence, unless of course you have food on your person that might be shared with them. In that case, I will ask your assistance in providing our guests with an early lunch. I fear I did not prepare for moose, today.

"Instead, we are to speak of taboos. All cultures have them. In any society, there are certain things one Does Not Discuss. Sometimes there are conditions; one might discuss that topic with a confidante, but not in mixed company. Or one might refer to such things at an evening out, but not while sitting in the pews the next morning at church. These unwritten rules can be confusing to those who have no prior knowledge of the culture, and transgressing them will carry a heavy price."

"So. How is one to avoid breaking rules, when one has not been informed of them?" Miss Bennet smiled generously at her students. "I did say this would be practical etiquette. Today, we will assume that somehow, you have been placed into a society very different from your own, and are hoping to make a good impression -- or at least, enough of a good impression that you are not ostracized, or worse. Where do we begin?

"A good starting point is to avoid those things which are generally improper in most societies -- the specifics of bodily functions, for one, or the particulars of one's romantic encounters. Another is to avoid saying something unpleasant about others. The elder of the tribe may seem a bit dim to you, but he is possibly a much-respected wise man, and making a joke at his expense will earn you scorn.

"An interesting complication to this point is that, again, such matters can be highly cirumstantial. Let us say that your new friend himself made an unkind comment about the tribe elder. This does not mean that you are free to return his comment with one of your own. Familiarity allows for a great many indulgences, ones that are not extended to strangers. You are a guest in this culture; you have not earned the right to treat its members with fond irreverence."

"What will help is to watch the culture's euphemisms. For example, if everyone wears long sleeves and refers awkwardly to their 'arm joints' in hushed voices, then perhaps there is some taboo in that culture surrounding the elbow, and it would be unwise to use the word 'elbow' freely, or to bare your own arms. If everyone refers obliquely to 'acquiring nourishment later,' and takes food back to their own individual rooms quite secretively, then perhaps you should refrain from having lunch where others can observe you. A great deal can be learned from what isn't said.

"Therefore, today's activities. First, I will share a number of euphemisms from my own culture, and each of you may guess what the phrasing refers to, and what the subject in question is. Once that is discovered, we can theorize on what it means that those particular topics inspire indirect language. After that, you will share some of your own euphemisms, and attempt to discern the meaning behind one another's phrases. If your culture does not have any handy euphemisms, you may invent some, so long as the phrasing is somewhat logical. Otherwise the exercise becomes entirely unfair."

One of the moose was investigating Miss Bennet's feet, and she couldn't help laughing. "After that, I will be taking my small guests to lunch, lest they eat my shoes. Shall we begin?"

Not just yet, it would seem; first, there was a knock at the door.

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Miss Bennet had a few particularities that she might share, though she worried that the topic in question for one or two might be a touch ... vulgar.

Then again, such was the way with euphemisms. Therefore, she cleared her throat and began.

"She fell in with a rake, and now finds herself ruined. If her family will not have her, she will come upon the town."

"I believe this means that the woman in question had an accident with a Garden tool in a scandalous manner," Worf replied. "Her dishonor is in question and her family exile her from the house making her dependent on social services."

If Picard could here that he would have no doubt spewed his Grey Earl tea.

That was... interesting. "Are garden tools often used in dishonourable ways where you are from?" Leto asked, hiding a smirk.

"I was merely interpreting the statement," Worf grunted. "There is no dishonor in gardening."

"There is a difference between gardening and dishonourable use of gardening tools," Leto pointed out, curious to see where this would lead.

Worf thought of the scenarios in his society.

"I can think of nothing," Worf replied. "Explain."

Leto was certainly no expert on gardening, but he tried to think of an example. "The use of pruning shears to control the growth of bushes might be perfectly correct behaviour, but using the same tool to cut off the fingers of ones enemies might not."

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Joan had read enough historical romance novels to know what Ms. Bennet's statement meant. And Worf's interpretation made her giggle.

"What kind of scandalous accident could one have with a garden tool?"

"I do not know," Worf replied. "I am merely trying to read into the statement. Earth culture is rather... strange."

Miss Bennet had not expected such a ... literal attempt. She was going to do her very best to keep her amusement from showing, however.

"You've definitely got the gist of the matter," Miss Bennet said charitably. "There was scandal, and the dishonor involved means that her family will no longer allow her back into their home. However the word 'rake' is itself a euphemism, here, and I fear there are no social services to rescue her."

"I see," Worf replied. "And what is the definition of a rake? For I only know it to be a tool."

Miss Bennet hesitated, unsure how to phrase the comment without being too explicit.

"It is, in this case, a person, and not an object," she clarified. "As for what sort of person, I would note his behavior, which you already determined: scandalous, and dishonorable."

"Ah," Worf said in understanding. "Then the girls deserves what she has coming to her."

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Karla knew what a rake was, so could parse the first sentence, but 'coming upon the town' didn't make much sense. Did they mean work in a Red Moon House? And why would she be ruined in the first place?

Karla raised her hand. "Why would being pregnant ruin her? If she hates the father, she can simply deny him paternity at the Birthright Ceremony."

"You're quite close," Miss Bennet said. "The misadventures and scandal did lie along that path, but there is no certainty that the woman in question is expecting a child. She is now considered 'ruined' because she has given away her virtue. Unfortunately, in the proper society in which I was raised, a man may indulge freely in such activities with little more than a disapproving glance -- but for a woman to do so, outside the bonds of matrimony, that means that she will be forever outcast from society. Any who give her aid will be tainted by her sin. If her family accepts her home again, then they are said to be condoning her actions, and they will now find themselves outcasts. It's unfair, to be certain."

Karla shook her head, "That makes...very little sense. So long as she had her Virgin Night and her inner web remained intact, why would her family care who she sleeps with? And why should the males have more freedom than the females? Or should I be asking these questions in Culture Shock instead?"

"It seems to be a little of both," Miss Bennet allowed. "Unfortunately, my particular culture says that a woman's ... Virgin Night must only occur once she has joined an eligible man in matrimony. Otherwise, her family would care less who she indulges with, per se, and more that she did at all. A woman's respectability is tied to her chastity."

"Some poor girl's been seduced, so her reputation's in tatters," Agnes answered. "I'm not really sure what the second bit means, but it probably involves her being gossiped about for the rest of her life."

"Far worse, I fear," Miss Bennet said with a frown. "Something even she does not deserve the severity of. There are no occupations fitting a proper young lady. Her family will not give her aid, shelter, or money. That means she has none, and will need to resort to ... other means to keep herself."

"...You're talking about upper-class cityfolk, aren't you?" Agnes asked. "Where I'm from, a woman can usually find herself a husband even if she's ruined herself, and even if she can't, she can always claim a plot of empty land and live off that, or gather mushrooms from the forest, or make baskets, or something."

"I'm afraid I am," she agreed. "Upper-class, at least. The gentry, if not the aristocracy. I doubt there is much empty land -- much of the countryside is claimed by one or another, and besides, few of us know enough about the domestic arts to fend for ourselves. The girl in this case, having ruined herself, will not return to her village. She will come upon the town -- that is, London. And she will fend for herself using a much different skill set."

Miss Bennet had a strange pang of envy. She longed for a life as the girl described; claiming a plot of empty land, making herself useful, no longer expected to wed.

"You mean, become a seamstress?" Agnes asked, incredulous. "That's rather a long way to fall, for a simple indiscretion!"

She grimaced. She had some knowledge that she hadn't ever expected to want to USE, but... "There are herbs," she blurted. "If the girl's a good enough liar, and she hasn't begun to show yet, there are... herbs."

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"A girl and a garden tool?" Yakko asked. He turned to where a camera would be if there were a camera around, blew a kiss at it, and said, "Good night everybody!"

Miss Bennet didn't want to know who he was waving to. "Indeed, no, that part was a euphemism," she said patiently. "Do please try again, though."

"Admittedly, your speech pattern is familiar, but I must say that I have not heard phrases such as this one. And I have little familiarity with euphemisms." He looks positively confused.

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