fandomhigh | Food Appreciation [Class Thirteen, Period #3]

Marshall had been bitten by a gremlin this morning. If it wasn't obvious from the strongly worded (and completely in capslock) e-mail to his students informing them to get their pansy asses to the Danger Shop for class today or else suffer the brutal consequences, it'll be obvious once they got to class.

Those not scared off by the e-mail would find that the Danger Shop had been turned into a gym of sorts. There were punching bags, a boxing ring and the setup for that Joust game you saw on American Gladiators. They would also see more of Marshall than they ever, ever wanted to see.

"HELLO, PANSIES!" Marshall yelled, his voice sounding deeper and more growly than usual. "IIIIIIIIIT'S WRESTLEMANIA 2009! I AM YOUR HOST MARSHALL "THE MADMAN" ERIKSEN!"

Pshyeah, Marshall wished people called him The Madman.

"TODAY WE'RE GOING TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE REALLY MADE OF," he said, still yelling. Oh, look, he was flexing too. Very impressive. "MY BET IS THAT ALL YOU WUSSIES ARE MADE OF JELLO. DELICIOUS JELLO."

Oh god, now he was craving Jello. Maybe after class.

"EITHER FIGHT A PUNCHING BAG, TAKE IT TO THE RING OR KNOCK EACH OTHER IN THE HEAD WITH PUNGIE STICKS!" Marshall said, gesturing to the area behind him. "WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE, REMEMBER THIS--I CAN KICK YOUR ASS."

Right.

Marshall rung a bell. "WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME, BITCH. GET FIGHTING!"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

For those of you who like hitting people with pungie sticks.

Oh, man, Jen had been wanting to do this forever.

She'd watched a few too many American Gladiators reruns during late night research stints in the clock tower, see . . .

This was probably a bad idea. His stick was probably going to turn into a giant trout or something. But somehow Harry couldn't resist the urge and so was brandishing his jousting stick (not dirty) in Jen's direction.

Jen grinned in a not so slightly predatory manner when she saw Harry. "Bring it!"

She'd always wanted to say that.

Harry grinned back. "Oh. It's been brought."

"Oh yeah?" Jen bounced on her toes and grinned in a much more dorky way this time. "Take your best shot, Dresden."

"Shouldn't taunt a wizard," Harry warned before attempting a jab.

"Guess I'll just have to let my giant padded Q-tip do the talking then, huh?" Jen head-feinted and tried to take a swipe at his knees.

She liked going for the knees. It was a thing.

Harry stumbled backwards a little. "I don't think I like what your giant q-tip has to say," he said, swinging at her midsection now.

"It's a mean giant Q-Tip," Jen said, and brought said giant Q-Tip up to block the swing. Then tried to roll it over to bop him lightly on the shoulder.

"I feel like there should be more spandex." Beat. "Wait, no. No. I'm thinking about Professor Eriksen's pants and I don't need to do that. No more spandex."

Scandalous thing for her to say.

"See, my giant q-tip is very nice and friendly," Harry said, with an exaggerated and completely faked pained expression from the contact to his shoulder. "It just wants to say hello."

It apparently wanted to say hello to Jen's knees, at the moment.

"And please. Let's just pretend the pants aren't there. Wait. No. That's worse. Let's pretend other pants are there."

"Something from the Renaissance Faire or something," Jen suggested, cringing. And totally letting him get a free shot in at her knees; it was only fair. (Pun not intended.) "Something very loose and billowy."

"Billowy," Harry repeated, nodding. "Yes. Billowy's good. Anything not skintight is good. My poor eyes."

"Think of . . . fluffy puppies or something," Jen suggested. "Anything. Anything but that. Oh god."

"Fluffy puppies. And kittens. And a world with no spandex," Harry said solemnly.

"Okay, that's a little extreme," Jen said. Okay, technically what she had wasn't spandex (the archives said Corinth City's Dr. K had been very vehement about that point) but still!

"A world with no teachers wearing spandex?" Harry offered.

"Can we make an exception for a few teachers?" Jen asked, and poked at him with the stick again.

Just one teacher, specifically. One with smart doctor glasses.

"Who did you have in mind?" Harry asked with a smirk.

Jen laughed. "No one here. So it's safe."

~~Not that she'd ever given any serious thought to how he looked in spandex. Just because there were hi-res archive pictures . . .~~

"As long as I don't have to see anymore spandex-clad educators, I will support your plan," Harry said. "But I'm withdrawing my support as soon as the next pair of the pants that we're pretending are different pants show up." Another jab with the q-tip of doom for emphasis.

"Then I'll just have to make sure that never happens again," said Jen, who had absolutely no way of doing so. She oofed good-naturedly, and sort of flailed at him in a kayak-paddle motion with the Giant Swab of Hurt.

"And if it does happen, you'll save me," Harry said, jumping back and swatting at Jen's q-tip with his own. "Just like you'll save me from the giant pizza. You can use your q-tip skills."

Jen flailed at him some more, just because she'd always wanted to do that. "Hey now. When are you going to promise to save me from anything?"

Re: Joust

harrydresden.livejournal.com - 2009-04-08 04:12 (UTC) - Expand

Summer was not going to pass up the opportunity to hit people with sticks.