fandomhigh | Sex Ed, Monday [3-16] Third Period

The last thing Tony had wanted to deal with was more children today, but... Steve was always fun to mess with. It warmed the cockles of his heart.

"Yeah. Hi," He said briskly, barely even sparing the class a glance. "Today you're learning about--"

Tony looked over the syllabus and frowned. "Well that's just not happening. You're all old enough and with adequate enough access to the internet to know just how sex works. If not, you've missed the entire point of boarding school and, quite frankly, I pity you."

He took a deep breath because this was just so terribly beneath him and--really?--this was just embarrassing. Not for him, of course. For them.

"Now, what happens in porn doesn't actually happen in real life. Well... not to most people." The implication was that he wasn't most people. "Now, since I assume you already understand how the most vanilla of sex works, let's move on to the rest of it. Steve already covered homosexuality last week, so we don't need to get into that, I assume. If we do, for god's sake, just look online."

Tony had the highest regard for the power of the internet to teach teenagers all they needed to know about the mechanics of sex. Mostly because that was more fun.

"Kinks and fetishes aren't exactly uncommon, but there are rules to these, of course. To go with what a very wise man in the way of sex said, make sure to follow the three G's. Your partner and you should be good in bed, giving and game for anything. Within reason, of course. As long as you don't try to push someone past that, you'll have more than enough fun."

Somewhere in town... Pepper Potts was hitting her head against something very solid out of sheer frustration.

"If you have any questions, I think you should direct them at Mr. Rogers when he returns. In fact. How about you all go online to see what you can find in the way of information of fetishes and kinks and show him just what you learned," Tony said, smiling in a way that was just cruel. "I have a business to run. Enjoy the rest of your day."

And with that, he sauntered on out of the room.

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It's like a grown up Chuck Bass! With less evil.

Chuck Bass wouldn't be so bad. This? Is kind of face-palm inducing. He was kidding about getting information for Mr. Rogers on fetishes, right? ~~I mean, it wasn't like the guy had a corset icon or anything.~~

Dinah put her head down on her arms and tried to look weetiny, with little success.

Liir listened.

And resolutely Did Not Think Of The Book With The Horse In It.

Penelope was red faced and tried to hide that fact by pressing it into her folded arms.

Éowyn got very, very wide-eyed and wondered if she should be thankful that she barely understood what he was talking about.

This was an opportune time for things to occur to Alice that should have occurred to her a few days prior, when they might have been of some use.

The fact that they hadn't occurred to her, then, did occur to her, now, and she was going to facepalm and wonder if she had, in fact, lost her mind.

Eric contemplated the fact that he probabyl had a much better resource for information on kink than the internet: Chuck Bass.

He made a mental note to talk to him about it later. ... Maybe. If he thought he could deal with knowing that about Chuck.

And after Mr. Stark left, when no one could stop her, that would be Dinah. Whapping Eric on the arm.

"You had wee-me singing with zombies!"

Edited 2009-03-17 00:20 (UTC)

"Yeah," Eric said, grinning. "It was really cute, too."

Dinah made a noise often rendered as "asdfhjkl" and flailed. "Lime in the coconut! I can't believe you did that! You'd probably use a little kid to get a movie discount or free drinks or something too, wouldn't you?"

"You mean I'm not cute enough to manage that myself?" Eric asked, putting fifteen years of experience into his puppy-dog eyes.

Another arm-slap aimed at him. "Not from me!" Dinah finally laughed, shaking her head. "Oh, man. I just hope no one got pictures. Or tape. That was ridiculous."

"Ow!" Eric cried, mostly joking, as he rubbed at his arm. "And I didn't get any footage, but I don't know about anyone else."

He wondered if there were any way he could get Chuck to get him security footage.

"Oh, that didn't hurt." Like Dinah would notice. Then she patted his arm in apology. "You owe me ice-cream, buddy. Teeny-Dinah got it from everyone else, and she didn't have to sing for them."

"Chilly Boulder, tomorrow evening around ~~handwavy~~?" Eric asked. "I've been meaning to check it out anyway."

"That works." Dinah grinned at him. "Yay Eric. And I won't even sing at you again."

Ned was just going to facepalm the entire time.

Sex Ed, Monday [3-16] Third Period

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