fandomhigh | Food Appreciation [Class Eight, Period #3]

"Cheese is one of the greatest foods on earth. It goes great with everything," Marshall said, deciding to skip the niceties and the hello's this morning. Cheese day was an important day, dammit. "For those of you who are lactose intolerant I apologize for today's class and I have provided you with candy to eat while I talk."

Indeed there were piles of candy on everybody's desk to eat while Marshall talked out of cheese.

"For those of you who don't know, cheese is made from the proteins and fat from milk. Usually this is milk from cows but there are also cheeses from goats, sheep and buffalo. There's a bunch of different kinds of cheese. You can get different styles, textures and flavors depending on the origin of the milk, whether it has been pasteurized, butterfat content, the species of bacteria and mold, and the processing including the length of aging."

Marshall grinned. "Wikipedia is awesome."

"So, like, there's a bunch of fancy cheeses and there's people who like to think they're cheese connoisseurs and are all serious business about cheese. I don't roll like that," he said. "We're gonna eat good stuff."

He walked behind the buffet table and pointed out the sorts of food he got today. "We've got cheetos, cheez-its, macaroni and cheese, nachos, cheese fries, cheesy poofs, Goldfish crackers, that cheese that comes in a can, broccoli cheese soup, string cheese, mozzarella sticks..."

There was a lot of cheesy foods up there.

"Eat! Enjoy cheese!" Marshall couldn't resist picking up the cheese in a can and spraying a bit in his mouth. Don't worry, he didn't put his lips on the can or anything. That would be gross.

Right.

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Claudia nodded. "Those little cheeses with the red casings are way too big," she declared.

"Unless you wanted to do crazy-surprise-face. Maybe they can be earrings?" He'd never wear earrings that size, but he'd seen girls do it. And Claudia? She definitely would.

"Awesome!" Claudia squealed, bouncing so that her own huge hoops moved along with her hair. "I'd get macaroni too, but that's a little too kindergarten art project."

Priestly was actually mildly impressed that anything was "too" anything to Claudia. "Oh, totally."

"And I did that earlier in kid class," she added with a smile, wandering over to the food table and returning with more cheese to turn into art.

"And you definitely don't wanna repeat yourself. Got it."

She was so glad he got that. "Exactly!" she said, beaming up at him. "Can't do the same thing twice. It'd get boring."

"I don't think you could ever end up being boring, Claudia."

"I hope not," Claudia said. "I want to be that cool old lady with the awesome jewelry who's done everything. Kind of like that lady in ~~meta for~~ Titanic, but without the dead boyfriend."

"Dead boyfriends totally suck," Priestly agreed. "I'd much rather not end up a dead boyfriend."

"I promise that if we're on a sinking ship, I'll stay in the damn lifeboat the first time," she said, smiling.

". . . Even if I'm handcuffed to a pipe?"

"I'll get you off the pipe," she said, "but I'm not sure you'd want me wielding an axe."

Priestly laughed. "Fair enough. And then we both get into the life raft, screw what the Man says."

"Absolutely," Claudia said. "Forget about women and children first."

"Love is totally more important."

"Let the young and good looking ones live," Claudia said, nodding.

She was quite the humanitarian.

"Plus, you know, there's was, like, a whole lot of extra space on a lot of those lifeboats."

"I know, right? Like, they didn't have enough for everyone but sending them out a quarter full was totally bogus."

"Completely. The bourgeois pigs."

"...they put pigs on the boats too?"

Oh, Claudia.

". . . Metaphorically."

"Ohhhh," Claudia said. "I knew that."

Not really, no.

Priestly nodded, laughing quietly. "I know." Time to change the subject. "So, uh, what else does the cheese head there need?"

Claudia gazed at it critically. "Lips?" she suggested.

Re: Eat!

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