fandomhigh | Food Appreciation [Class Eight, Period #3]

"Cheese is one of the greatest foods on earth. It goes great with everything," Marshall said, deciding to skip the niceties and the hello's this morning. Cheese day was an important day, dammit. "For those of you who are lactose intolerant I apologize for today's class and I have provided you with candy to eat while I talk."

Indeed there were piles of candy on everybody's desk to eat while Marshall talked out of cheese.

"For those of you who don't know, cheese is made from the proteins and fat from milk. Usually this is milk from cows but there are also cheeses from goats, sheep and buffalo. There's a bunch of different kinds of cheese. You can get different styles, textures and flavors depending on the origin of the milk, whether it has been pasteurized, butterfat content, the species of bacteria and mold, and the processing including the length of aging."

Marshall grinned. "Wikipedia is awesome."

"So, like, there's a bunch of fancy cheeses and there's people who like to think they're cheese connoisseurs and are all serious business about cheese. I don't roll like that," he said. "We're gonna eat good stuff."

He walked behind the buffet table and pointed out the sorts of food he got today. "We've got cheetos, cheez-its, macaroni and cheese, nachos, cheese fries, cheesy poofs, Goldfish crackers, that cheese that comes in a can, broccoli cheese soup, string cheese, mozzarella sticks..."

There was a lot of cheesy foods up there.

"Eat! Enjoy cheese!" Marshall couldn't resist picking up the cheese in a can and spraying a bit in his mouth. Don't worry, he didn't put his lips on the can or anything. That would be gross.

Right.

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". . . Even if I'm handcuffed to a pipe?"

"I'll get you off the pipe," she said, "but I'm not sure you'd want me wielding an axe."

Priestly laughed. "Fair enough. And then we both get into the life raft, screw what the Man says."

"Absolutely," Claudia said. "Forget about women and children first."

"Love is totally more important."

"Let the young and good looking ones live," Claudia said, nodding.

She was quite the humanitarian.

"Plus, you know, there's was, like, a whole lot of extra space on a lot of those lifeboats."

"I know, right? Like, they didn't have enough for everyone but sending them out a quarter full was totally bogus."

"Completely. The bourgeois pigs."

"...they put pigs on the boats too?"

Oh, Claudia.

". . . Metaphorically."

"Ohhhh," Claudia said. "I knew that."

Not really, no.

Priestly nodded, laughing quietly. "I know." Time to change the subject. "So, uh, what else does the cheese head there need?"

Claudia gazed at it critically. "Lips?" she suggested.

"Ooo, totally. Everything needs lips. And eyebrows."

"Cheesy poofs?" Claudia suggested.

"Cheesy poofs," Priestly confirmed.

"And you said you weren't any good at this stuff," she said, going up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

Priestly blushed slightly. "I said I wasn't good at art. You forget, I'm a master at food."

"Food can be art, too," Claudia said. She smiled. "Think outside the box, man," she teased.

"Well, okay, but in food-as-art, I'm mediocre, then. It evens out."

"I'll teach you to carve a wheel of cheese yet," she decided.

"Do I then get to eat this cheese-wheel?"

"Totally," Claudia replied, nodding.

"Then you're on."

Food Appreciation [Class Eight, Period #3]

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