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fandomhigh2009-01-12 10:27 pm
slapbetcommish.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2009-01-12 10:27 pm
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Child Development- 1st Period- Class #2
Having sent out a handwavy E-mail telling everyone to meet in the danger shop, the students would walk in to what looked like a day care. There weren't any desks, but the students were more than welcome to take seats on the floor.
"Welcome back, everyone," Lily greeted the class. She didn't look as good as she usually did, due to the fact that the washing machine had decided to act up riiiiiiight about the time she needed to actually, you know, do laundry, and she ws therefor having to go a little more casual. That's okay, she could work it. "We had a couple people try out the empathy belly, and happy extra credit to you.
"Okay, so you've had the kid- hypothetically. No one currently in high school needs to be having those anytime soon. That is my standard disclaimer," she said. "Congratulations, you now have an eensy weensy adorable tiny little bundle of joy. Except for the part where they can't do anything for themselves and need you to do it for them, all the time. And guess what, desperate teens, they can't love you back right away."
She passed out a set of handouts on early babyhood, still talking. "When you get them home, they don't really do much. They sleep. They fill their diapers. That's your life for a while. They can't hold their heads up. In fact, you have to watch out because they have an actual soft spot on their head. These things are entirely defenseless."Sock. "And then when they start getting older, they get to be more fun. By the end of three months, they can probably hold their heads up, or hold themselves up when they're on their stomachs. They're learning coordination and gross motor skills. And the best thing ever: they start smiling and babbling. Plus they're still little enough that you can put them in adorable hats.
"But the adorable has a bad side," Lily said, and there was another handout. "Those little suckers cry. They cry like there's no tomorrow. Which to them, it just may be. They're like six months old, they don't know what tomorrow is yet. And you don't really have any way to figure out what they want, at least not right away. Maybe they're hungry. Maybe they need to be changed. Maybe they're gassy. Maybe they're tired. Yes, rather than going to sleep, they will just cry. And sometimes, they'll cry just to cry. There's a thing called colic, where the baby will just cry for hours because they're fussy. That can be up to three hours a day, three days a week.
"Your assignment today is to make them stop." And suddenly there was a line of cribs along the walls, enough for each student. "Each of you gets one of these little guys, and they are programmed to cry and cry and cry. They have different reasons for it. Go ahead, consult your notes, try and figure out what your baby needs. Don't worry, if your baby needs a diaper change, you don't actually have to do it. Once you figure it out, your baby will stop crying, and you can take a cookie and some earplugs from the table by the door right there.
"Also, if anyone wants extra credit for next week, I want you to find a toy. You can bring in an actual toy, or a printout from a computer of a toy, a picture of a toy, whatever, and tell us why you think it's an appropriate toy for a child up to six months old."
And with that, the crying started.
"Welcome back, everyone," Lily greeted the class. She didn't look as good as she usually did, due to the fact that the washing machine had decided to act up riiiiiiight about the time she needed to actually, you know, do laundry, and she ws therefor having to go a little more casual. That's okay, she could work it. "We had a couple people try out the empathy belly, and happy extra credit to you.
"Okay, so you've had the kid- hypothetically. No one currently in high school needs to be having those anytime soon. That is my standard disclaimer," she said. "Congratulations, you now have an eensy weensy adorable tiny little bundle of joy. Except for the part where they can't do anything for themselves and need you to do it for them, all the time. And guess what, desperate teens, they can't love you back right away."
She passed out a set of handouts on early babyhood, still talking. "When you get them home, they don't really do much. They sleep. They fill their diapers. That's your life for a while. They can't hold their heads up. In fact, you have to watch out because they have an actual soft spot on their head. These things are entirely defenseless."
"But the adorable has a bad side," Lily said, and there was another handout. "Those little suckers cry. They cry like there's no tomorrow. Which to them, it just may be. They're like six months old, they don't know what tomorrow is yet. And you don't really have any way to figure out what they want, at least not right away. Maybe they're hungry. Maybe they need to be changed. Maybe they're gassy. Maybe they're tired. Yes, rather than going to sleep, they will just cry. And sometimes, they'll cry just to cry. There's a thing called colic, where the baby will just cry for hours because they're fussy. That can be up to three hours a day, three days a week.
"Your assignment today is to make them stop." And suddenly there was a line of cribs along the walls, enough for each student. "Each of you gets one of these little guys, and they are programmed to cry and cry and cry. They have different reasons for it. Go ahead, consult your notes, try and figure out what your baby needs. Don't worry, if your baby needs a diaper change, you don't actually have to do it. Once you figure it out, your baby will stop crying, and you can take a cookie and some earplugs from the table by the door right there.
"Also, if anyone wants extra credit for next week, I want you to find a toy. You can bring in an actual toy, or a printout from a computer of a toy, a picture of a toy, whatever, and tell us why you think it's an appropriate toy for a child up to six months old."
And with that, the crying started.
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During the lecture
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He did NOT sign up for this!
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Like, ever.
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She was dressed totally demurely today: many of her favorite pieces needed to be washed, so she'd had to settle for a micromini jean skirt, a black bustier that explosed a strip of her stomach, and a black and red knee-length sweater that was significantly longer then the skirt. She'd topped it off with bright red platform heels and pulled her hair back into a long French braid. She'd made the beaded necklace herself, along with the dangly silver earrings. On anyone else, she'd look like a hooker. On Claudia, it looked great.
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Win win, yes?
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Twenty minutes later and he was still going through choices. When even a need for sleep wasn't the culprit, John finally picked up the baby and started bouncing it.
"Really? You're just gonna cry all period?" he asked and it seemed yes, that was the ticket, and he was rewarded with blissful silence.
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The baby was kind of cute, in an animatronic way, once it was eating.
Unfortunately, it started crying again as soon as it finished the bottle.
Claire suspected this would be a long class.
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If that didn't work, he'd get check the diaper, and then try some food, and then just find some toys to distract it with. He thought maybe he'd make some funny faces, but he figured trying to make funny faces on his face would probably just scare it and make it cry some more.
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Of course, she wasn't bargaining on having a baby specifically designed to cry for what seemed like the entire class period. All the bottles and cutesy noises in the world weren't going to do anything here.
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"Waaah!"
"Hungry?" she asked, patting the soft little head. The wailing got a little quieter, so she reached for a bottle.
Tiny fist-flail. Crankyface. Spit. Waaaaaaah.
Sigh. "What do you want?" Francine leaned her head down to look into his slightly un-focused eyes.... and watched them focus on the same place almost every guy she'd ever talked to spent most of his time replying to instead of her face.
".........Um."
"Waaaaaaaaah!" Flailyhands.
That made two of them, though only one was blushing furiously. "No, no, no!" she whispered. Strenuously. "Those aren't for actual... uh... they'rejustforlookingat!"
Good to know you can still facepalm while holding a baby in one hand and a bottle in the other. Even if you almost get a nipple in your eye.
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She looked around and saw people bouncing their babies, so she tried that. That started to settle it, but it didn't really quiet until she tried a little lullaby her mom had sung to her as a kid.
Of course, as soon as she stopped singing, the baby started crying again. It would be a long, long class.
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Yeah, so she was approaching this like a hostage negotiation situation.
What? The crying had her sanity hostage.
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It was, but the time she'd wasted checking a diaper had now wound the kid up so much that getting it to eat between screams took twice as long as it would have. The baby was gasping so much air that it spit up all over itself, needed a complete outfit change, and finally cried itself to sleep.
[OOC: Not based on real life at all. Rly.]
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Talk to Lily
OOC
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