fandomhigh | Food Appreciation [Class Two, Period #3]

"Hey guys!" Marshall said, his mouth full of...something. He chewed and swallowed before talking again. "Today we're going to be talking about bar food."

He pointed at the long table in the front where there was various kinds of finger foods. "Bar food is used to soak up the alcohol in your system so you don't get so drunk that you're unable to hit on somebody. Or, if you're happily married, it's there to munch on while you watch your single friends hit on people. Either way, it's good. If you hit up a bar during happy hour then you can find this stuff for real cheap. You know when it's even cheaper? Right before closing because the bar is trying to get rid of the food."

Marshall knew a lot about bars.

"Okay, so bar food is mostly stuff you eat with your hands. Nachos, french fries, pretzels, beer nuts, onion rings, mozzarella sticks. If you're real lucky there will be some sliders on the menu," Marshall said, pointing to the burgers on the table. "And, last but certainly not least, buffalo wings. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, they aren't made of buffalo. They're chicken. And they come in different levels of heat. I prefer the more mild stuff but if I'm feeling particularly daring and there's enough blue cheese dressing around then I can crank it up to hot."

"So you've got a little bit of everything up here to dig into. There's the usual array of drinks in the back of the room," Marshall said. "There's also non-alcoholic beer and margaritas back there too. I tend to stay away from those but you guys go right ahead."

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Oh, cheese fries. And mozzarella sticks. And onion rings.

And sliders, oh dear god, the sliders.

This would be Jen stuffing her face, and completely unashamed of the fact.

"Best class ever, right?" Harry said, grinning.

"I get to eat for credit," Jen said -- after she'd swallowed her mouthful of slider, of course. Just because she was pigging out didn't mean she was going to be less dignified about it. "What's not to love? How've you been, Harry? I haven't seen you in forever."

"There is nothing not to love about this. Been ok. Regressed back into hermitude for a bit there though. How about you?"

"Oh, you know." Jen scarfed down a mozzarella stick and wiped her hands on her -- well, her impossibly glossy uniform didn't work too well as a napkin but her jeans were taken hostage. "The younger version of my ex-boyfriend from the future got called back home, I got a huge hangover on New Year's, I get to eat a lot for class. But no giant monsters have attacked the empty warehouse district so all in all it's not bad."

"You were expecting giant monsters in the empty warehouse district?" Harry asked. "I mean that wouldn't really surprise me around this place, but it's still a little weird."

A pause while Harry chugged the remainder of his Coke then grinned. "If you'd had this class on bar food earlier you could've maybe avoided that hangover."

"In my world it happens all the time," Jen said with a weary sort of resignation and a nod. "Someone's always trying to take over the Earth and sending giant monsters to attack some city or other. Usually the warehouse district, or sometimes downtown. Sometimes it's a rock quarry. Don't ask me why."

"Weird," Harry said. "But not the weirdest thing I've heard. Must seem kinda quiet here compared to that though. Although we do have washing machines going on strike."

"Yeah, I know," Jen sighed. "They took all my other clothes. Luckily this uniform's a lot more comfortable than it looks. The giant monsters were easier to deal with."

"At least with giant monsters you know where you stand, right?" Harry shook his head. "They don't suddenly turn on you and steal all your socks."

"Actually there might have been a couple . . ." Jen shook her head. "Blue Bay Harbor back in 2002 had one monster that turned people into postage stamps. So the socks thing wouldn't surprise me ~~if it turns up in a future PR series~~."

"Postage stamps? That's...different. You have clearly led a bizarre and fascinating sort of life. But let's hope we don't get any giant sock stealing monsters. Or monsters made of socks. Either one."

"I'm pretty sure Fandom is about as weird as it ever gets on the American West Coast in my world," Jen said. "Except for that one year when it was ~~really stupid~~ happening in Colorado. I mean, I'm not ruling it out happening here."

"I think Fandom's about as weird as it gets anywhere," Harry said. "I wouldn't rule out anything happening here."

Jen laughed and reached for an onion ring. "Except maybe being completely normal for a month."

Her definition of normal was kind of skewed, of course.

Harry raised a nacho in salute. "Ok. You win on that one. Completely normal for a month would never happen here."

"There's probably some kind of normalcy-negating field around the island," opined Jen between bites of the onion ring. "Oh god, if people at home could see me eating like this they'd freak."

"That's good a theory as any." Harry nodded and turned his attention briefly to a chicken wing. "You don't normally go for the junk food? Left alone I'd probably live off this stuff. And spaghettios."

"There is no such thing as junk food in the thirty-first century," said Jen, in a tone that implied it was a crime. Which, really, it was. "Ever since I got introduced to pizza in 2000, though, I love it."

Harry looked properly horrified at that. "Wait. You have monsters and no junk food? Your world sucks."

"Yeah, the future's not all it's cracked up to be," Jen said offhandedly.

"Guess not." Harry shook his head sadly, than ate another nacho. "Glad I'm not likely to end up that far in the future."

Food Appreciation [Class Two, Period #3]

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