Sex Ed, Monday [1-12] Third Period

[screwyoumarvel]

"Today," Steve began, "We'll be talking about contraception, or birth control. What works, what doesn't, why you shouldn't believe what you're told. Now, usually, the only one hundred percent foolproof way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence, and the only way to avoid venereal disease--" and yes, he did call it that-- "is total abstinence until you find a permanent partner, and then to continue with that same partner for the rest of your life. However, I am all too aware that to expect people to actually do that is rank optimism. So. What are your other options? Birth control pills and...apparently there are implants can prevent pregnancy. For that you're going to need a barrier, specifically a condom. When used correctly, condoms are very effective in preventing both pregnancy and disease. This is all twenty-first century standard; if your home is not twenty-first century standard, well, at least we'll get you through high school childless except for after prom and disease-free. If you're post-modern, you probably have better methods, anyway, while if you're pre-modern, I would really recommend abstinence. In this century, syphilis means a trip to the clinic for antibiotics; in the past it meant a miserable death after going blind.

"Now let's talk about what doesn't work. Hoping you won't get pregnant doesn't work. Anything involving soda does not work and will probably land you at the, er, gynecologist explaining why you have that weird infection. Believing your partner when they tell you they're sterile really doesn't work." He paused for a moment after that, then went on. "Some behavioral methods do have some utility in preventing pregnancy, but none of them are foolproof--however, again, if you're premodern, they may be all you have. Ladies, if you are modern-based and your contraception fails--the condom breaks, you forget to take your pill--emergency contraception is effective within a day or two, some of it over the counter if you're over eighteen.

"So, to rewind a bit, condoms, when used correctly, are effective at preventing both pregnancy and disease. Plus, they are relatively cheap. So." Steve began to turn bright red, which he'd managed to avoid up until this point. Darn Irish complexion. "We are going to molest some fruit practice." He held up a banana in one hand and a foil packet in the other. "Observe." He proceeded to put the condom on the banana with only a minimum of fumbling. "Your turn."