fandomhigh | Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part I

Entry tags:

!event: welcome picnic

Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part I

If anyone had hoped for good weather for the picnic, their wish had been granted as the day turned out to be sunny and warm. Everything had been cleaned up, spiffed up and ~~bedazzled~~ ~~dazzled~~ made as perfect as possible for the new arrivals. They deserved at least a few moments of pleasantness before the weirdness started to sink in.

May whatever deity they believed in help them now.

As usual, there were long tables set up with food and drinks, a table of nametags, and two signs: one listing the Big Sibling/Little Sibling pairings, and one listing rooms and roommates for the new students. With everything in place, the picnic was ready to begin.

[OCD is up!! This is part one of the picnic, specifically for meeting siblings, roommates, and teachers. The rest of the picnic is happening here and here, in an effort to keep browsers from breaking for as long as possible.]

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"You're dressed like a crazy person and you're making up all of these names," Jonah said. "Clearly you're hopped up on something, I'm just trying to figure out what."

"You! Are my employee!" He was going to milk that for all it was worth. "And I'm not edgy enough to have a drug addiction!"

"You're in charge here?" Jonah asked. "Excuse me."

Jonah pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and called his wife. He got her voicemail. "Dear? What kind of school for wackos did you send me to?" Then he hung up.

"Do they do drug tests on the employees here?"

"Not to my knowledge, no. But then, we can start with you. I think maybe a hair sample is in order to test for marijuana!"

"One, hair drug tests have way too many potential flaws. As a man who runs a large metropolitan newspaper, I know that you've got to go with urine tests or nothing," Jonah said. "Two, ahahahahahahahaha. I'm not giving any samples to a man in a mask who I suspect is on something. That's just asking for the sample to be contaminated."

"How do I know someone with hair like that isn't on uppers, hmmm?" Deadpool asked. "It's not natural!"

"You'd still get that information from urine testing," Jonah said. "Well, not you, but somebody else on staff would. Anyway, it's perfectly natural. Most people these days just don't know how to get their hair this level."

"Fine, maybe we'll start doing that!"

A beat.

"And have you ever thought it might be for a reason? Like, I dunno, sanity?"

"Insanity is more like it. It's a good haircut. Utilitarian. It says 'I take things seriously.' More people should have haircuts like this!" Jonah said.

"And that you're stuck in the fifties?"

"Johnny Unitas wore a flattop well into the 70's," Jonah pointed out.

"Johnny Unitas?" Deadpool paused. "Really? That was-- well, I don't know if I can top that reference."

"Of course you can't! The man was an American sports legend," Jonah said. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Deadpool. Vice Principal and former mercenary." A beat. "I think the second part adds a certain class to it."

"Are you sure it's not Deadpool-Man with a hyphen?" Jonah checked.

"I have not now, nor will I ever hyphenate my name!"

"Are you sure?" Jonah asked. "It'll distinguish you from those bets people make about what celebrities are going to die. Do you really want to be associated with Hugh Hefner being really old?"

"...what?"

"Deadpools," Jonah said. "Come on, everyone does them. Especially in newsrooms."

"That's the point of the name!" Deadpool paused before adding, "That and being created during that era."

"So you picked the name because you like guessing what famous people are going to die?" Jonah asked. "And you claim you're not on drugs."

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Fandom High Welcome Picnic, Front Lawn of the School, All Day: Part I

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