The History of Sex: Workshop 3, Period 3 (Thursday, May 29)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Welcome back, class! Oh, it had been such a fun week. Had they had a fun week? Had everyone done their homework and looked up slash fic? Tink loved slash fic. She herself had written some fabulous Barry Plodder slash fic. Had Barney read it? He should. It was very chic. Slash fic, yay!

Barney needed to be more drunk if Tink was going to make him read devil's threeway-type slash. "Only if it's slash between that spicy French chick and the librarian-type. I won't read anything involving Barry or the pasty dragon kid."

Tink was not sulking, it just looked like she was because you were too plebian to understand how fairy-language worked. Also, Barney was stupid and didn't appreciate art. So! Children! Today they were talking about something very, very special indeed!

"Special in that it continues to shock the hell out of me that it's true," Barney added. "That being geeks getting laid via the internet."

Yes! The internet was a magical, special place, full of slash fic that Barney was not good enough to ever appreciate the subtlety of and it was full of lonely, lonely nerds. And sometimes when lonely nerds lowered their expectations enough, sex happened!

"Or lied enough about who they were," Barney sighed. "Take the World of Warcraft people, for instance."

Tink shook her head sadly. See, sometimes people pretended to be wizards or healers or fighters in a little game online, and went around killing monsters and pretending that it was very, very interesting. It wasn't! But more importantly, about 99% of the people on there were male, so if you were a girl -- or were someone male pretending to be a girl -- you could get lots of free stuff! Not interesting or useful free stuff, from the real world, but free stuff from the game itself. Were they following, children?

If the students were following, they were already well ahead of Barney. "No, seriously, they pretend to be girls and then try to find girls to hook up with?"

Tink would slow this down for the mentally challenged children and Barney. No, see, they pretended to be girls and then got things that other people had slaved away in the game getting. Boys, being stupid, would give away things to fake-girls. This very rarely led to interaction with real girls -- much less sex with real girls -- but that did not stop the boys from trying. Because boys were dumb.

"Which takes us right back to it being a miracle whenever these geeks did manage to get laid. This is why Ted hides his World of Warcraft gaming from me. People need to look into Facebook or MySpace. Create a fake profile - didn't I teach a class about this once?" He had. Just not to these students.

Oh, Tink loved MySpace! Her page was ever so pretty and it had sparkles and embedded music. But all of her information was the truth. Why was she supposed to lie on it?

"Lying on the internet is like breathing," Barney explained. "For instance, my Facebook page lists me as looking for a relationship, which is both absurd and untrue. However, it also happens to be what the prime cutlets want to hear."

Ooooooh. And then very pretty people messaged him and wanted to have sex? Sex was awesome! Did nerds put up pictures of attractive people, and lie about having cool interests, and hope that nobody bailed out from the bait-and-switch?

"They did. Which is why the attractive right must be prepared for anything the geeks might throw at us. Be savvy, be smart, and above all else, mock the living shit out of them!"

Which was their assignment. Oh, this was going to be fun, children! Were they ready? Were they?

Comments

The Sign In [5/29]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

With your NERDIEST icon.

Re: The Sign In [5/29]

[ihaveniceteeth.livejournal.com]

Gwen Cooper

The Talky Talky [5/29]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Listen to Barney and Tink discuss things they only vaguely understand!

Re: The Talky Talky [5/29]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Bzuh-wha?

Internet?

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

Mac listened, but was fairly confident she knew all about this.

... Only in that she'd played World of Warcraft. Obviously.

Re: The Talky Talky [5/29]

[always-damp.livejournal.com]

Toby was certain the tiny teacher meant something with all her flitting about, he just couldn't figure out what.

Re: The Talky Talky [5/29]

[gobrookeyourself]

Brooke totally understood all of this. Not that she had ever done it.

For herself, anyway. La.

Re: The Talky Talky [5/29]

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

Sokka raised a hand. "So why don't the World of Warfare guys just go after all the slashariffic" -- you could tell he did his homework by the way he grimaced and shuddered -- "girls? Or is it, like, they are two forms of stupid never destined to meet?"

The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Half of you will be playing nerdy dweeby geeks, and the other half will be playing suave sophisticated individuals. Pair off, and Nerds, attempt to pick up the Cool People, in true Nerd Mating Ritual fashion. Show off your Galaxy Quest figures! Recite poetry in made-up sci-fi languages! Amuse the crap out of Barney and Tink!

Go, RNG, go!

NERDS:
Andros
Kevin Archer
Brooke Davis
Lois Lane
Cindy Mackenzie
Reno
Jenny Sparks
Ron Weasley
Sam Winchester

COOL PEOPLE:
Alec
Gwen Cooper
Kaylee Frye
Gladys
Toby Moraitis
Francine Peters
Sokka
Dean Winchester
Ino Yamanaka

Dawn gets to pick her fate.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[ihaveniceteeth.livejournal.com]

Gwen supposed she should be grateful she ended up as a cool person...but she had doubts.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[cheminthehead.livejournal.com]

Gladys wasn't sure about being classified as a cool person. Golems didn't get cold, and even if they did, her dress would keep her warm.

Nevertheless, she would do her best.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

Mac was a nerd, really.

She preferred the term geek, but she could put up with that for the duration of class.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[imcalledandros.livejournal.com]

Andros looked rather awkward, he had no idea how he was supposed to do this.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[always-damp.livejournal.com]

Finally, something Toby understood. He really was cool. Yes.

And no, he still wasn't wearing a shirt. Maybe someday.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[likethegun]

Wow, Sam was a nerd. How shocking, except for how it was his every day life.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[intraspective]

She wasn't going to argue with being made a cool person, definitely not. Ino glanced around, wondering who'd talk to her.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[thatsamilkshake]

"...Wait, I'm cool?"

Not really, no.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[armybrat-lois.livejournal.com]

Lois wasn't sure how to be a nerd because she hasn't met Clark Kent yet. Nerdiness wasn't in her genes. But she'd give it her best shot.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[saltandammo.livejournal.com]

Of course Dean was cool. This class continued to be a laugh and a half.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[raspberryturk]

Reno had... no idea how he was supposed to play the part of a nerd.

Maybe if he stood there awkwardly, that would count. Nerds didn't sound like they were terribly high up on the social ladder, or anything.

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[ashockingbitch]

Jenny stared. "I'm a who with a what now?"

Re: The Freshie Freshie [5/29]

[gobrookeyourself]

Brooke looked confused, and wondered how one was supposed to really go about being a nerd. She couldn't exactly just ditch her social skills, people.

The TAs [5/29]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Dawn, of the indeterminate fate, and Ron, the nerd we always knew he was!

Re: The TAs [5/29]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron sulked. He so wasn't a nerd. Not in his own mind.

The Professors [5/29]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Who do not need to resort to WoW in order to get laid kthx.

The OOC [5/29]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Check it out, it's an OOC thread.

Re: The OOC [5/29]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

*is OOCly exhaustinated* Is it bed time yet?