fandomhigh | Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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detention

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

Harriet was looking suspiciously bright-eyed this morning as the detention-goers arrived. "Good morning. Today you're going to experience a little taste of Britain's ancient past. Possibly her imaginary past, but never mind. Today, each one of you is going to be Arthur, King of the Britons, and venture forth on a sacred quest for the Holy Grail."

She smiled at each of them in turn, looking far too amused. "It might not go quite as you expect it to," she added, then shooed them off. "Just go through that door to change into appropriate costume. Oh, and those of you with powers of any kind are not to use them. You are to approach this exercise as if you were an ordinary, non-magical, non-mutant, non-gifted human being. Arthur began his quest with only the blessing of God and strength of arms. You are to do the same."

Amber Atkins
Jaina Solo
Jenny Sparks
Romeo Montague
Ronan Nolan

Sokka

[ooc: YAY WE HAVE OCD! And instructions in the OOC thread.

definitely wait for the OCD

]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The enchanter gave him a doubtful look, but carried on. "No man can fight it and survive. Behold the cave of Caerbannog!" The horny man pointed dramatically at a...wee white rabbit who'd just hopped out of the cave. "And there! See it's great nasty vicious pointy teeth! You cannae hope to defeat it!"

Romeo looked equally doubtful as he crouched down to bunny-eye-level. "It's a rabbit," he pointed out.

He almost sounded disappointed.

The great enchanter was highly offended. "Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

With extremely fortuitous timing a leprous looking man, who was just out for a walk, possibly seeking a shrubbery, wandered into the scene.

The bunny attacked.

SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK.

"Auuuugh."

The leprous man would no longer be able to protest that he was not dead.

Romeo was about to protest rabbits were not rodents, but the bunny attack made the words die on his lips.

He turned to the enchanter, eyes wide in confusion. "He just killed a man," he pointed out, flailing as he stated the obvious.

The enchanter was laughing uproariously. "I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them." He paused to wheeze with laughter again. "The only thing that can stop the evil beastie is the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch."

Of course there was a Holy Hand Grenade. He should have guessed, really.

"And might you have it?" Romeo asked, keeping a wary eye on the bunny.

Out of nowhere, two stately religious types appeared, one bearing a chest, within which was nestled the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and the other carrying a large book. "Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one," said the one holding the chest.

The one carrying the book opened it and began to read. "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--"

"Skip a bit, Brother."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

They both cast very meaningful glances at Romeo, and the one with the chest held it out to him.

Romeo dubiously reached his hand in and pulled out ... a hand grenade.

Fancy that.

"So I just pull the pin and throw it, then?" he asked the enchanter. Just in case he had misheard the holy men.

"Aye, lad, or are you daft after all?" The enchanter hit the dirt, the two priesty types followed suit. "Throw, boy, throw!"

"Just making sure!" Romeo said, a tad sheepishly. He pulled the pin, counted to three, tossed the grenade, and fell to the ground.

There was a loud explosion, and the bunny was vapourised, leaving the entrance to the cave clear, apart from all the bones.

"Well done, my liege."

"Yes, well done."

"Now we can find the mystical runes, that will show you the way to the Grail."

"Yes, the answers to the Grail's location lies within the cave."

And they trotted off into the cave, leading the way.

Romeo shrugged and followed them into the cavern, stepping carefully as he looked for the runes.

"Here, my liege, here." They were both very keen priesty types, and one held a candle aloft while the other gestured at the wall. "The runes! It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'."

Just off-screen, a cartoon peril was stirring.

Romeo blinked. "The castle of what, exactly? Where is aaaaaarrrgh?"

"This way, my liege!"

"Follow us!"

"We serve God and Arthur, King o--"

He was cut off as the cartoon-peril surged out of nowhere and gobbled him up whole.

"Run, my liege!" the other yelled, pointing into the cave. "To Castle Aaaarrrrghhhhhh."

Romeo froze in place for a moment, wondering what the devil the cartoon-peril was.

Then his senses came back to him and he took off running with all the speed he could muster in the direction he was being pointed.

"It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh!"

The cartoon peril stopped long enough to gobble up the second priestly type, then chased after him, eyes rolling, jaws gnashing, footsteps shaking the ground.

Romeo paused long enough in his running to scoop up a rock and toss it at the Black Beast's head, then stumbled into an even faster run.

He hoped to God he wouldn't trip.

As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. The cartoon peril was no more, fading away to nothing.

Coincidentally, right near the exit from the cave. Through it could just be seen a rickety, cobweb thin, wooden bridge and a rather revolting old man.

Who was cackling.

Romeo had no idea why the cartoon peril's footsteps had faded away; he flattered himself by imagining his stone had hit its mark.

When he emerged, he fell to his knees from exhaustion near the feet o the cackling old man. "Have you the grail?" he demanded.

"Nay, I have questions, boy." The old cackled again. "Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side she see."

Three questions. Right. He could do this.

"What is the first, then?"

"What is your name?"

Romeo shifted from one foot to the other as he decided it was the part that was wanted, rather than its actor. "Arthur, King of the Britons, sir."

"What is your quest?"

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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