fandomhigh | Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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detention

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

Harriet was looking suspiciously bright-eyed this morning as the detention-goers arrived. "Good morning. Today you're going to experience a little taste of Britain's ancient past. Possibly her imaginary past, but never mind. Today, each one of you is going to be Arthur, King of the Britons, and venture forth on a sacred quest for the Holy Grail."

She smiled at each of them in turn, looking far too amused. "It might not go quite as you expect it to," she added, then shooed them off. "Just go through that door to change into appropriate costume. Oh, and those of you with powers of any kind are not to use them. You are to approach this exercise as if you were an ordinary, non-magical, non-mutant, non-gifted human being. Arthur began his quest with only the blessing of God and strength of arms. You are to do the same."

Amber Atkins
Jaina Solo
Jenny Sparks
Romeo Montague
Ronan Nolan

Sokka

[ooc: YAY WE HAVE OCD! And instructions in the OOC thread.

definitely wait for the OCD

]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"YES!" BOOM! "I DO!" BOOM! "To the north there lies a cave-- the cave of Caerbannog-- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged--" BOOM! "Make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail."

Amber twitched, covered her ears in between his yelling. Really, it was more of a reaction to the BOOM than it being an overly loud BOOM. Although it was loud. Just not overly. Really. Uhg, did she understand a word he was saying?

"The cave of the Caerbannog, er... to the north you say? Can you point me in the general direction? Please?" Unfortunately, Amber was directionally challenged.

"I will lead you!" BOOM! "Follow. But! Follow only if ye be a woman of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave King, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."

He swirled his cape dramatically, and led the way to a cave, the entrance to which was strewn with bones.

A woman of valour? But she was King Arthur. What kind of creature? Maybe she could poke its eyes out with her sword. Probably no man had tried that yet.

Amber followed, reluctantly, and coming upon the strewn bones had her stomach all knotting up. "Can't you go in there with me and explode the creature?" she asked the horny man.

"Behold the cave of Caerbannog!" The horny man pointed dramatically at a...wee white rabbit who'd just hopped out of the cave. "And there! See it's great nasty vicious pointy teeth!"

Amber looked at the rabbit, back at the man, back to the rabbit again. "Are you kiddin' me?" She laughed and shook her head. "That's just a bunny for cryin' out loud."

The great enchanter was highly offended. "Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

With extremely fortuitous timing a leprous looking man, who was just out for a walk, possibly seeking as shrubbery, wandered into the scene.

The bunny attacked. SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

"Auuuugh."

The leprous man would no longer be able to protest that he was not dead.

Edited 2008-04-05 17:57 (UTC)

"Aaaaaaaaaaa!" Amber drew her sword. "The hell is goin' on here?"

She looked at the great enchanter, back behind her, up in the trees, where's the camera?

"I believe you!"

The enchanter was laughing uproariously. "I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them." He paused to wheeze with laughter again. "The only thing that can stop the evil beastie is the Holy hand Grenade of Antioch."

She gave him a look. "Where do I get that, 'cause I thought you said I just had to be a woman of valor and go in the cave and there I will learn where the holy grail is?"

Out of nowhere, two stately religious types appeared, one bearing a chest, within which was nestled the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and the other carrying a large book. "Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one," said the one holding the chest.

The one carrying the book opened it and began to read. "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--"

"Skip a bit, Brother."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

They both cast very meaningful glances at Amber, and the one with the chest held it out to her.

Amber felt kind of dizzy. And probably she was blinking too much. She didn't know the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch was a real hand grenade omg.

Stepping forward slowly, she accepted the chest. "Um. But... okay. Thank you."

Seemed kind of a severe way in which to kill a bunny; on the other hand she did see the bunny kill an almost dead man.

Setting the chest down, she opened it and withdrew the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. "I..." She swallowed hard and stood and looked at the bunny, then at the others standing around. "I guess you should take cover?"

They looked at her, looked at each other, and hit the ground.

Taking a deep breath, Amber looked down at the grenade, pulled the pin, looked at the bunny -- dear Lord forgive her -- counted to three, "One, two, three..." and threw the grenade at the bunny and hit the ground, covering her head with her arms.

There was a loud explosion, and the bunny was vapourised, leaving the entrance to the cave clear, apart from all the bones.

"Well done, my liege."

"Yes, well done."

"Now we can find the mystical runes, that will show you the way to the Grail."

"Yes, the answers to the Grail's location lies within the cave."

And they trotted off into the cave, leading the way.

And Amber quickly followed. This detention was unlike any other detention she's ever had in her life. She was sure she was going to remember it forever.

Probably with a good dose of Pepto.

"Here, my liege, here." They were both very keen priesty types, and one held a candle aloft while the other gestured at the wall. "The runes! It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'."

Just off-screen, a cartoon peril was stirring.

Peering close, Amber muttered, "The Castle of ... what? Aaarrrggh?" She rubbed her brow and looked over at the very priesty types. "Will you show me the way?"

"Of course, my liege!"

"Of course!"

"We serve God and Arthur, King o--"

He was cut off as the cartoon-peril surged out of nowhere and gobbled him up whole.

"Run, my liege!" the other yelled, pointing into the cave.

"Thank y--"

Her eyes went wide. "Wha-? NO! Oh my god, oh my god!"

Amber turned and ran, fast.

"It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh!"

The cartoon peril stopped long enough to gobble up the second priestly type, then chased after her, eyes rolling, jaws gnashing, footsteps shaking the ground.

Edited 2008-04-05 19:19 (UTC)

Amber looked over her shoulder and screamed and ran faster. She had long legs dangit. But she was fumbling with her sword at the same time. Where was another Holy Hand Grenade when she needed one!

Suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack and the cartoon peril was no more, fading away to nothing.

Coincidentally, right near the exit from the cave. Through it could just be seen a rickety, cobweb thin, wooden bridge and a rather revolting old man.

Who was cackling.

Glancing back over, she saw the very weird cartoon character... thingy fade away, but that didn't keep her from slowing down. She ran straight out, just past the exit, stopping and catching her breath as she gazed forward.

"What now?" she mumbled, spying the bridge and the old man. "I can't deal with perverts right now, I just can't."

Sheathing her sword against her hip, Amber slowly started foward, towards that old man.

The old man thrust out a hand. "Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side she see."

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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