fandomhigh | Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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detention

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

Harriet was looking suspiciously bright-eyed this morning as the detention-goers arrived. "Good morning. Today you're going to experience a little taste of Britain's ancient past. Possibly her imaginary past, but never mind. Today, each one of you is going to be Arthur, King of the Britons, and venture forth on a sacred quest for the Holy Grail."

She smiled at each of them in turn, looking far too amused. "It might not go quite as you expect it to," she added, then shooed them off. "Just go through that door to change into appropriate costume. Oh, and those of you with powers of any kind are not to use them. You are to approach this exercise as if you were an ordinary, non-magical, non-mutant, non-gifted human being. Arthur began his quest with only the blessing of God and strength of arms. You are to do the same."

Amber Atkins
Jaina Solo
Jenny Sparks
Romeo Montague
Ronan Nolan

Sokka

[ooc: YAY WE HAVE OCD! And instructions in the OOC thread.

definitely wait for the OCD

]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Aye, you be a wise lad indeed!" The horny guy sent another burst of highly unlikely looking fiery explosion off in a random direction. "I am a great enchanter!" he yelled. BOOOM! "Seek ye the grrrail?"

It seemed to be the day for outrageous accents; this was a Scottish accent nearly as outrageous as the French had been.

"Possibly. If I were to tell you yes, would you know where it was?"

"YES!" BOOM! "I WOULD!" BOOM! "To the north there lies a cave-- the cave of Caerbannog-- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged--" BOOM! "Make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail."

"To the north?" Sokka looked at the sun and guessed at the time, and thereby pointed vaguely northwards. "Thanks!" He ventured off that was a full two or three steps before stopping. "Uh... These mystic runes... Do you know anyone who can read them?"

"Aye!" BOOM! "And I will show you the way! Follow. But! Follow only if ye be a man of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave King, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."

And the horny hairy man led the way to a cave, the entrance to which was strewn with bones.

Edited 2008-04-05 17:13 (UTC)

"Yeah, okay, nasty pointy beasts I can do. I think."

Sokka drew his sword and peered at the cave. "Well, looks like it's not home. Let's get in and read the whatever before it comes back."

"Nay! There it be!" The horny man pointed dramatically at a...wee white rabbit who'd just hopped out of the cave. "See it's great nasty vicious pointy teeth!"

Sokka looked... And looked again. "Uhhhhhhhhh-huh." He scratched his head. "What, behind the rabbit?"

"Nay, it is the rabbit!" The great enchanter was highly offended. "That's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

With extremely fortuitous timing a leprous looking man, who was just out for a walk, possibly seeking a shrubbery, wandered into the scene.

The bunny attacked. SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK.

"Auuuugh."

The leprous man would no longer be able to protest that he was not dead.

Sokka stared. "That's a FREAKISH rabbit!!!"

And then the strategy gears started turning. Here he was, faced with something little, vicious, and quick, and all he had was a sword. What he NEEDED was a boomerang. Or something. If only he had SOME kind of ranged weapon at ALL... Ah-HA!!!

He thrust an elbow at the enchanter's ribs. "So blow it up already."

The enchanter was laughing uproariously. "I told you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them." He paused to wheeze with laughter again. "And nay, lad. The only thing that can stop the evil beastie is the Holy hand Grenade of Antioch."

"And where's THAT?" Sokka asked. "And why didn't you mention it BEFORE???"

Out of nowhere, two stately religious types appeared, one bearing a chest, within which was nestled the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and the other carrying a large book. "Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one," said the one holding the chest.

The one carrying the book opened it and began to read. "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--"

"Skip a bit, Brother."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

They both cast very meaningful glances at Sokka, and the one with the chest held it out to him.

"I KNOW how to use a HAND GRENADE," Sokka insisted. He grabbed it, and since his knowledge of how to use a hand grenade came entirely from movies, he pulled the pin with his teeth.

Then he counted, threw the grenade, and spat the pin at the monk-people.

The priest guys hit the ground. There was a loud explosion, and the bunny was vapourised, leaving the entrance to the cave clear, apart from all the bones.

"Well done, my liege."

"Yes, well done."

"Now we can find the mystical runes, that will show you the way to the Grail."

"Yes, the answers to the Grail's location lies within the cave."

And they trotted off into the cave, leading the way.

Sokka happily trotted off after the monkmen. BEHIND them. Just in case the bunny had kids.

"Here, my liege, here." They were both very keen priesty types, and one held a candle aloft while the other gestured at the wall. "The runes! It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'."

Just off-screen, a cartoon peril was stirring.

"Are you all right?" Sokka asked. "...No, wait, first tell me the name of the castle, and THEN we'll see if you're all right."

"No, my liege! That's the name of the castle"

"Castle Aaaarrrrgh!"

"This way, my liege, this way!"

He was cut off as the cartoon-peril surged out of nowhere and gobbled him up whole.

"Run, my liege!" the other yelled, pointing into the cave. "To Castle Aaaarrrrghhhhhh."

Sokka ran as fast as he could, yelling "I'd rather face the bunny!!!"

"It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh!"

The cartoon peril stopped long enough to gobble up the second priestly type, then chased after Sokka, eyes rolling, jaws gnashing, footsteps shaking the ground.

"GO 'LIEGE' YOURSELF!!!"

Sokka dropped his sword and ran faster, cursing the heavy chain mail.

As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape seemed hopeless, when, suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. The cartoon peril was no more, fading away to nothing.

Coincidentally, right near the exit from the cave. Through it could just be seen a rickety, cobweb thin, wooden bridge and a rather revolting old man.

Who was cackling.

"Yeah, you're pretty freaky-looking. I wouldn't laugh at anyone, if I were you."

The old man thrust out a hand and glared at Sokka. "Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side she see."

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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