fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 10, Period 2 (Friday, March 21)

Because You Still Don't Get That We're On Earth: For the Love of God, Make it Stop
Tink hoped they were all enjoying the sunshine, out here on The Mall. (Which was not a shopping mall, as she had been hoping it might be, but Tink could deal.) Wasn't it a lovely day? Tink certainly thought it was. And Barney was back! The class should tell Barney how much they'd missed him. Tink had! But that was personal and none of their business. Hi, Barney!

"You know, you could've at least been on the rescue team. I went 80 years without in that stasis tube for the record." This did not a happy Barney make. "Of course, here on The Mall during public school spring break we're not likely to find any people I'd be willing to let help me with that situation if you know what I mean."

Tink zipped up to Barney's left ear and whispered a few things of a decidedly personal nature. And wriggled a little for good measure.

Barney's eyes widened and he smiled. "Right, let's get this field trip over with!"

Hooray! Tink loved field trips, and Tink loved getting field trips over with! Now, students, did they have any idea why they were in Washington today? And no smart answers like "because we got on the bus", or else Tink was going to turn someone's hair green.

"Maybe you could turn it sage, just to be interesting," Barney said, glancing around at the students. "We are gathered here today before the Washington Monument to decide who is hot and who is not based on their hair, clothing, and overall state of hygiene."

George Washington was hugely in favor of fashion crimes receiving capital punishment. It was true! Look up your own history some time! So of course they would have to come here, for this. And because here was where the unwashed masses like to crawl around, with fanny packs and ugly sunglasses and t-shirts that they picked up in the hotel lobby gift shop. Ugh, tourists.

"That guy over there, the one with the FBI hat on, he is not an FBI agent." Or so Barney hoped. "He just thinks it's cool. We are here today to point out that it's not and remember what cool actually looks like."

If they needed help, cool was the exact opposite of that guy. Because that guy was sunburned, wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt - and did certain of her employees see why that was such a no-no? - and shorts that start much, much lower than his hugely pregnant beer gut. That guy bumped into cool once on a plane and cool spent three hours sanitizing its left shoulder. Ewwwwwwww.

"Now it's your turn. Feel free to pair up make observations about what you see. Should anyone ask about Ms. Bell, direct them to me and I will explain that we are making a film and she is a most excellent special effect." He was rather proud of this plan. "Now go, be ruthless. They deserve it for not trying when they woke up this morning."

And they didn't. None of these idiots had tried, this morning. And if they had, then George Washington and every merciful deity out there demanded that they be mocked within an inch of their lives. Or killed. Had anyone brought weapons?

Barney coughed and whispered something to Tink with wide, scared eyes.

Fine. No weapons, no killing the tourists, it might interrupt Barney's pursuit of hot women within the faculty administration. Was he happy now? Let the cruelty begin!

[FIELD TRIP!]

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Romeo thought about issuing a denial, but he knew Yurika knew him better than that. "If it were you," he admitted, lips stretching into a broader smile, "I should probably tease you about it for weeks, if not until we were both old and gray."

The honesty earned him another kiss, this time on the top of his head. "See? Funny. Although if I was the one dancing with pudding, I'm sure it would have gotten dirty rather quickly. There's no way that would have ended well."

Romeo turned to return a kiss to her forehead. "It rather was dirty," he admitted with a shudder. "There was a lot of 'awwww, yeah, baby, you look so goood' directed at the dessert. And some, um, bottom-wiggling."

"It was a sad end to my pants, if nothing else."

"Poor pants. At least you still have an employee discount, so you can replace them, right?"

"Although I'm sure I could have found something to do with a pudding-covered Romeo," she teased, letting her eyes flicker over him briefly. "Now it really is a shame that I missed out."

Romeo made a noise in his throat, something that would have turned into a growl if he'd let it. "You," he told Yurika, leaning into her forehead, "are either lucky or unfortunate that we are in public."

"Really? Why's that?" Yurika batted her eyelashes at him and smiled sweetly. "Aren't you enjoying our fieldtrip?"

"Not as much as I enjoyed Monday," he whispered.

"Jen's at work today," she whispered back, eyes dancing. "Maybe you should come over later, and you can explain, in detail, why I'm so unlucky in be in public right now."

"I think ..." And his fingers were walking up her arm now "... that sounds like an excellent plan." Hang the droid baby -- it was usually asleep anyhow.

Leaning back, he added, in his normal voice, "And that woman in the blue coat is wearing Ugg boots, for the Bingo square."

"Score, I got a 'FUGLY'!" she cheered, ruffling his hair before marking up her card. "Time for a new game! I wonder how many of these I can fill today."

He reached for the pad, snagging a new card for each of them. "This place certainly does not lack for material," he noted.

"I'll take you with me to Japan sometime. Some of the shopping districts? It's painful," she said, accepting the card. "Children with too much money and no taste."

Romeo grinned. "Which too well describes much of Verona, at least according to Miss Bell," he pointed out. "I would like to see Japan."

The Art of Cool: Class 10, Period 2 (Friday, March 21)

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

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Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]