fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 10, Period 2 (Friday, March 21)

Because You Still Don't Get That We're On Earth: For the Love of God, Make it Stop
Tink hoped they were all enjoying the sunshine, out here on The Mall. (Which was not a shopping mall, as she had been hoping it might be, but Tink could deal.) Wasn't it a lovely day? Tink certainly thought it was. And Barney was back! The class should tell Barney how much they'd missed him. Tink had! But that was personal and none of their business. Hi, Barney!

"You know, you could've at least been on the rescue team. I went 80 years without in that stasis tube for the record." This did not a happy Barney make. "Of course, here on The Mall during public school spring break we're not likely to find any people I'd be willing to let help me with that situation if you know what I mean."

Tink zipped up to Barney's left ear and whispered a few things of a decidedly personal nature. And wriggled a little for good measure.

Barney's eyes widened and he smiled. "Right, let's get this field trip over with!"

Hooray! Tink loved field trips, and Tink loved getting field trips over with! Now, students, did they have any idea why they were in Washington today? And no smart answers like "because we got on the bus", or else Tink was going to turn someone's hair green.

"Maybe you could turn it sage, just to be interesting," Barney said, glancing around at the students. "We are gathered here today before the Washington Monument to decide who is hot and who is not based on their hair, clothing, and overall state of hygiene."

George Washington was hugely in favor of fashion crimes receiving capital punishment. It was true! Look up your own history some time! So of course they would have to come here, for this. And because here was where the unwashed masses like to crawl around, with fanny packs and ugly sunglasses and t-shirts that they picked up in the hotel lobby gift shop. Ugh, tourists.

"That guy over there, the one with the FBI hat on, he is not an FBI agent." Or so Barney hoped. "He just thinks it's cool. We are here today to point out that it's not and remember what cool actually looks like."

If they needed help, cool was the exact opposite of that guy. Because that guy was sunburned, wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt - and did certain of her employees see why that was such a no-no? - and shorts that start much, much lower than his hugely pregnant beer gut. That guy bumped into cool once on a plane and cool spent three hours sanitizing its left shoulder. Ewwwwwwww.

"Now it's your turn. Feel free to pair up make observations about what you see. Should anyone ask about Ms. Bell, direct them to me and I will explain that we are making a film and she is a most excellent special effect." He was rather proud of this plan. "Now go, be ruthless. They deserve it for not trying when they woke up this morning."

And they didn't. None of these idiots had tried, this morning. And if they had, then George Washington and every merciful deity out there demanded that they be mocked within an inch of their lives. Or killed. Had anyone brought weapons?

Barney coughed and whispered something to Tink with wide, scared eyes.

Fine. No weapons, no killing the tourists, it might interrupt Barney's pursuit of hot women within the faculty administration. Was he happy now? Let the cruelty begin!

[FIELD TRIP!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh. I was thinking about his hair," Ron said suddenly glad that he was wearing more muggle-like clothing. Granted it was pretty shabby looking but that's what you get with hand-me-downs.

"Alas, I'm under the impression that the color is natural. If it was dye, we could possibly invoke the 'artistic emo' clause." What? Reno would forgive her later. When it came to mockery, it was everyman (or woman) for themselves. If Ron needed a little coaching before he found his wings, that was okay, it just meant she had to wait a bit before she set the two red-haired boys loose on each other and sat back and enjoy the snark.

"That can't be natural," Ron said shaking his head. "No one's hair is that- Hey that guy by that tower thing has a white belt. Score!"

"Over there! It's a whole herd of emo!" Dōjima cackled evilly as she marked up her card. "Think we can get extra credit if we all yell 'don't cry, emo kids'?"

"Does this work?" Ron asked as he turned to the herd. "Oi! Emo kids! No tears! You'll ruin that blotchy stuff around your eyes."

"That...was beautiful," she gasped, laughing as the emo kids made emo faces at them. "Nice job! If I was in charge, you'd totally get extra credit for that."

"I'm the TA," Ron decided. "So we've just got extra credit for ourselves."

Ron studied his bingo card and frowned. "What's a trucker cap?"

"It is a very uncool variation on the baseball cap that Americans are so fond off." Dōjima scanned the crowd quickly before pointing out a stereotypical redneck. "There. That one, that's a trucker hat."

Ron raised an eyebrow at that. "Why does he have the brim turned to the side like that? It looks stupid."

Dōjima shook her head in mock-sadness. "Pity him, for he never got the 'cool' education you are now receiving, and probably doesn't have half the brain you do. He's past the point of saving."

"Oh! That means I can put him down as completely hopeless!" Ron exclaimed. "And there's an person over there who is over 80. I can claim him as well."

Ron may not understand the 80s are dead spot.

The Art of Cool: Class 10, Period 2 (Friday, March 21)

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]

Re: Mock the Tourists! [3/21]