fandomhigh | Library [8.02]

Library [8.02]

Karal had managed to tame his hair since returning from his impromptu worlds tour with Jeff. It no longer looked as if it was set to launch a bid for world domination at any moment, and that could only be a good thing.

There was still no sign of Altra, though, which was a slight worry. As he sipped his morning tea and opened the library, he decided not to worry about it -- the Firecat would return in his own time.

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There was an Andrew wondering about the stacks. He had come looking for Karal, but not finding him at the front desk, he decided to see if he could find any books on the Tocharian dialect. There was a small coterie of linguistics experts who believe it's the oldest recorded Indo-European language, and if even a scrap of the dialect it had originated from remained, there was potential for considerable power.

Karal rounded the end of a shelf, spotted him, and smiled. "I was going to try and sneak up on you, but I'm terrible at it," he said, setting the last book into its place.

"It's probably best you didn't," he replied. "I've got lightening fast reflexes and deadly skills. I would hate to have accidentally knocked you out or something."

"I admit, the possibility of getting whapped in the head with a book was of concern," he said seriously, making an effort to hide his smile.

"That is one of the major things they teach you in self defense, use the objects around you. So that's a very good fear to have in this environment. You have an excellent sense of self preservation," he said.

"Kudos."

"I'm going to assume kudos are something good," he said, nodding his head. "And say thank you. How are you today, Andrew?"

"I'm good," he said. "Great, even." He meant it, but his voice didn't exactly portray that sentiment.

He scuffed his toe on the floor.

No, it didn't. Not in the slightest. "Andrew?" he asked, smile fading, and he moved forward to touch his arm. "What's the matter?"

He hesitated in answering, not because he didn't want unburden himself on his friend, but just because he had to fight that natural impulse to lie.

"I'm worried about Liir," he admitted. "And I don't know what I can do to help."

Karal nodded slowly. "What's happened?" he asked. "I won't ask you to betray a confidence, but you know I won't say anything to anyone, and I'm here to help if I can."

Andrew scratched his head. "It's just that he's really upset, and I think I know why, and I'm afraid to talk to him about it because I don't think... well..."

He took a moment to think about how to word it.

"I'm the comic relief. I'm not the one you come to when you need good advice. Real advice." It took a lot for him to admit that, because he totally believed it to be true.

Karal was taken aback. "No you're not."

He'd have managed something better than that, but he was too surprised.

Andrew ignored his statement and just kept talking. "I know what a good friend Teddy is for him, and it hurts thinking that they're having problems, you know? I just think of how I would feel if I couldn't come talk to you or to John, and..." He frowned.

"Andrew. You are not the comic relief. You are a good, kind, intelligent person who cares about Liir. You may not be able to find an answer for him, but you can certainly listen and help him understand what's upsetting him!" It was important that he say it, more important right then than anything else.

"But I'll screw it up. I'll say the wrong thing and make it worse. It's what I do. I screw things up.

"I'm so worried that I'm going to lose him somehow. He's like this really wonderful, great thing in my life, and I know it's just a matter of time before it's taken away." And maybe that was even more at the root of the problem.

"And those are two very different fears," he said gently. "I think it's the second thats fuelling the first."

"I don't get it," he said in a small voice. "How come being so happy makes me so scared?"

Karal moved forward to offer him a hug. "Because being happy means you have something you're afraid to lose," he said softly. "It makes you vulnerable, because someone else has the power to control your happiness. But I have faith you can trust Liir with it."

All his niggling worries, the ones he'd pushed away when both Liir and Andrew were so joyous over each other, were creeping back.

"I know," he said, squeezing Karal back. "I'm just being silly. But still, I wish there was something I could do to fix things between him and Teddy."

"See?" Karal moved back and tapped him on the forehead with one finger. "You do understand these things. What's happened between him and Teddy?"

Andrew looked around, checking to make sure no one else was near. "I think maybe Liir saw something of Teddy's that Teddy probably wouldn't want anyone to know about. Like a memory."

There was a slight hesitation, and Andrew looked down at the floor. "He saw something of mine, too."

And everything Liir had said about reading memories came rushing back and made him wince. "Oh, Sunlord. He wouldn't have done it on purpose." Karal was certain of that. "He wouldn't have," he repeated, then slumped to lean against the shelves.

"What did he read from you?" he asked, voice quiet, knowing from watching Andrew that it could be nothing good. "Only if you wish to tell me."

"Oh, I realize it wasn't on purpose. He told me," in a round about way, "what he had seen."

Andrew was highly uncomfortable even thinking about it, the memory, and that probably clearly showed in his body language.

"She didn't mean to do it," he said softly. "At least, that's what I kept telling myself back then. I was barely five." He grabbed and held onto his wrist. "And it snapped so easily."

It took him a moment to figure out what Andrew was telling him. When understanding dawned, he was instantly, blazingly furious. Sunlord, damn her to all the hells, forever. Let her burn.

But he appeared very calm when he gently touched two fingers to the back of Andrew's hand where it was clasping his wrist. "And now you know it wasn't?" He was afraid to say anything else; he wasn't sure what would come out.

Andrew shrugged. It was easier to believe she hadn't meant to do it. It was easier to believe it had been an accident. Lies could be oddly comforting.

"It's just... I mean, he didn't seem to..." His words were getting twisted.

"I worry that he'll think less of me now," he whispered.

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