The Art of Cool: Class 5, Period 2 (Friday, February 8)

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

There were no eggs in class this week, which Tink was grateful for. Stinky, gross eggs. Why were teenagers so ucky!? Never mind that they had been the ones to hand the eggs out in the first place. Ugh, teenagers. Tink needed another drink. Good thing she had brought absinthe.

Barney had a coffee mug in hand. Just no coffee. "Do you think they'll be able to follow the logic of clean people are better than dirty people?" he asked his co-teacher.

This required some thought. On the one hand, everybody liked being clean, and smelling good, and not having odor waves pour off them, keeping any potential sex partners far, far away from their stench. On the other, these were the same idiots who had kept stinky eggs all week, so it was hard to say. Were visual aids required?

"Visuals might help the ones who haven't cleaned their ears out yet this year. Like that kid," Barney pointed at Ron. "Should I know his name?"

That was their TA. She recognized him from the footage of him hitting on women and then passing out. Remember? In fact, she was thinking of taking still frames from that and making new posters for the office. It would make it so homey.

"Oh, right, Weasley!" Barney needed more alcohol if he was going to be coherent this early in the morning. "It was an excellent excursion. He passes out like a pro."

Tink poured some absinthe into his mug. There. Would that help? Now! The chart! They should show the chart! It was so preeeeeetty.



Barney drank happily from his mug while the chart took it's sweet time appearing on the screen behind them. "Alright, kids. See this chart?" he pointed at it. "Today is all about you and your unclean ways."

And not unclean in the fun, kinky ways, like when people decided that the sorts of things you liked were immoral, unethical or unfair to the shoe industry, because those people were usually boring and had not been laid in a while. Unclean in the gross, are you really allergic to soap? ways. Because nobody was allergic to soap. That would be silly.

"Remember, there's hot dirty and then there's dirty dirty. And dirty dirty doesn't involve tramp stamps and tongue piercings, it's about dirt and grime under your nails and in your hair," Barney added. "So how dirty are you? How dirty are your classmates?"

Get very close and sniff them. Place them on the chart! Argue about it, if you must, but argue in a way that would be fun to watch. Did Barney bring his camera-thing? She could use more footage for posters.

"I've got it right here, Ms. Bell," he replied, swapping his mug for the camera that was on the desk. "Maybe some pre and post pictures are in order."

He was her favorite person ever. He knew that, right? He was. He was wonderful! And they should start sniffing each other. And for homework ... more sniffing? That would definitely get them beat up by strangers. Keep some film handy!

"Hmm," Barney mused. "You know, that stupid love holiday is coming up next week. Think they could handle getting laid on the one day when all girls are trying to prove their worth?"

Perfect! Absolutely perfect. Their homework, besides sniffing people: to go out and get laid, while spending a minimum of cash! They could make up little ratios and charts of how much they spent versus what they got. Oh, she loved charts!

"That's settled then. Any burning questions? Pester that TA kid with the orange hair. I hear he's real helpful."

Tink was agreeing with Barney, enthusiastically. It only looked like she was laughing at their TA.

[ooc: mmm...charts!]

Comments

Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Sniff each other and find your partner's placement on the Dirty/Laid chart. Be brutally honest with each other; honesty is important in the process. Come up with creative descriptions of what sorts of things your yucky teenage selves smell like.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[gobrookeyourself]

"I better be placed really high on that chart," Brooke said to anyone who might even be thinking of pairing with her. Hell, not only was she clean, but her perfume was even good.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[sixstandingby.livejournal.com]

"How about I pretend that I smelled you and say it was good and you do the same thing to me?" Gavin proposed. "No need to sniff, that's weird."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[gobrookeyourself]

"Done," she said happily. "Wow, that wasy easy."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[raspberryturk]

Reno was not going to make faces, here. He was going to take this opportunity to sniff hot chicks in stride. Because he was cool like that.

Sigh. Such a burden.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Meanwhile Ron was trying to sniff Reno's head.

"Smells fruity. You must use some girly hair product."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[raspberryturk]

Reno would appreciate it if his girly hair products were left out of this. Ron might hurt their feelings, yo. And then what?

"Better fruity than greasy," Reno decided. "Do you even shampoo? I'm not sniffin' that."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River wasn't in the mood to sniff her classmates. She wouldn't kill anyone who tried sniffing her though, although if they complained about her favourite vanilla soap she'd be upset.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron really didn't like this assignment. But a TA's gotta do what a TA's gotta do.

"Hello," he said wandering over to River. "Don't worry, it'll just be a sniff and it'll be done with."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River sighed and nodded. "If you lie and say I smell I can kill you." Not that she would of course.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber didn't want to sniff anybody. She smelled good. She was clean. That was what mattered.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

As TA Ron supposed he'd have to be the responsible one for class so he was sullenly going around to all the students and sniffing them.

"Hi. Excuse me. I'm here to sniff you and just get this bloody assignment over with."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber looked dubious about this whole sniffing matter. She wasn't about to tell the TA no, however.

"All right. Sniff away."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River looked at Amber. "Am not going to sniff you."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber grinned. "Am not goin' to sniff you either."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[withoutverona]

Romeo was showered and wearing deodorant, so his partner could not possibly object to his scent.

His Hawaiian shirt was another matter.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"Right then," Ron said walking over to Romeo. "Let's get this over with. Let me sniff you so I can go on to the next one."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[stylin-wizard.livejournal.com]

Alex really didn't want to do this, but supposed she had to. Oy. She glanced around for a partner, really trying not to grumble about this exercise.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"Can you believe what they have us do here?" he half-whispered to the nearest person.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

"This is stupid," Dōjima complained loudly. "You don't have to get sniff someone to spot a total grunge. Ew!"

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[withoutverona]

"And even if you did, it would hardly be a cool thing to do," Romeo agreed, wandering over to talk to Dojima. "Hi."

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

Marco? Still gapping.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[key-of-heart.livejournal.com]

Sora sniffed himself. He didn't smell anything weird, just his soap.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[harrydresden.livejournal.com]

Harry was sure he didn't smell. And he was sure that if anyone in the class smelled offensively, it would have been pointed out by now. So he wasn't exactly into this assignment.

Besides, sniffing people was just weird.

Re: Get Sniffing! [2/8]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

Jack may have been Zestfully clean, but he wasn't Sure. It may have balanced.