fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 5, Period 2 (Friday, February 8)

There were no eggs in class this week, which Tink was grateful for. Stinky, gross eggs. Why were teenagers so ucky!? Never mind that they had been the ones to hand the eggs out in the first place. Ugh, teenagers. Tink needed another drink. Good thing she had brought absinthe.

Barney had a coffee mug in hand. Just no coffee. "Do you think they'll be able to follow the logic of clean people are better than dirty people?" he asked his co-teacher.

This required some thought. On the one hand, everybody liked being clean, and smelling good, and not having odor waves pour off them, keeping any potential sex partners far, far away from their stench. On the other, these were the same idiots who had kept stinky eggs all week, so it was hard to say. Were visual aids required?

"Visuals might help the ones who haven't cleaned their ears out yet this year. Like that kid," Barney pointed at Ron. "Should I know his name?"

That was their TA. She recognized him from the footage of him hitting on women and then passing out. Remember? In fact, she was thinking of taking still frames from that and making new posters for the office. It would make it so homey.

"Oh, right, Weasley!" Barney needed more alcohol if he was going to be coherent this early in the morning. "It was an excellent excursion. He passes out like a pro."

Tink poured some absinthe into his mug. There. Would that help? Now! The chart! They should show the chart! It was so preeeeeetty.

Barney drank happily from his mug while the chart took it's sweet time appearing on the screen behind them. "Alright, kids. See this chart?" he pointed at it. "Today is all about you and your unclean ways."

And not unclean in the fun, kinky ways, like when people decided that the sorts of things you liked were immoral, unethical or unfair to the shoe industry, because those people were usually boring and had not been laid in a while. Unclean in the gross, are you really allergic to soap? ways. Because nobody was allergic to soap. That would be silly.

"Remember, there's hot dirty and then there's dirty dirty. And dirty dirty doesn't involve tramp stamps and tongue piercings, it's about dirt and grime under your nails and in your hair," Barney added. "So how dirty are you? How dirty are your classmates?"

Get very close and sniff them. Place them on the chart! Argue about it, if you must, but argue in a way that would be fun to watch. Did Barney bring his camera-thing? She could use more footage for posters.

"I've got it right here, Ms. Bell," he replied, swapping his mug for the camera that was on the desk. "Maybe some pre and post pictures are in order."

He was her favorite person ever. He knew that, right? He was. He was wonderful! And they should start sniffing each other. And for homework ... more sniffing? That would definitely get them beat up by strangers. Keep some film handy!

"Hmm," Barney mused. "You know, that stupid love holiday is coming up next week. Think they could handle getting laid on the one day when all girls are trying to prove their worth?"

Perfect! Absolutely perfect. Their homework, besides sniffing people: to go out and get laid, while spending a minimum of cash! They could make up little ratios and charts of how much they spent versus what they got. Oh, she loved charts!

"That's settled then. Any burning questions? Pester that TA kid with the orange hair. I hear he's real helpful."

Tink was agreeing with Barney, enthusiastically. It only looked like she was laughing at their TA.

[ooc: mmm...charts!]

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Reno would appreciate it if his girly hair products were left out of this. Ron might hurt their feelings, yo. And then what?

"Better fruity than greasy," Reno decided. "Do you even shampoo? I'm not sniffin' that."

"I'm perfectly clean!" Ron protested. "My hair is just flat!"

"A little fruity hair product will fix that right up," Reno replied with a grin.

"Like I'm going to take grooming tips from you," Ron snorted.

"What, you got somethin' against havin' the girls actually get interested?" Reno wasn't going to laugh. He really wasn't. Much.

"I'm not interested in your interest, woman," Ron snarked back. "Don't you have a hair appointment to go to?"

Snort. Grin.

"Nah, Ron, that ain't until after class. I wouldn't want to miss these little opportunities to stack up the detentions, yo."

"You're completely mental," Ron said shaking his head. "Especially if you want detentions."

"Already got two. Rikku mentioned that they're actually fun. A fun detention is something I gotta see, yo." He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at Ron. "You ever have one, or is tomorrow going to see your detention-cherry-popping too, yo?"

"I've had plenty of detentions," Ron said crossly.

Granted they weren't here but that wasn't the point.

"I would think you have better things to do on a Saturday."

Reno lifted a shoulder and kinda grinned.

"Get drunk, mostly. I can do that every other day of the week, too. Detention kinda keeps things fresh, yo."

"So... what? You're going to get pissed before detention as well?" Ron said rolling his eyes. "Classy."

"After it, probably," Reno shook his head. "Detention is like bein' on the job. Gotta have some sort of guidelines about when you can and can't drink yourself half blind, yo. Self control. All about self control."

"So your hair color was a conscious choice?" Ron snarked. "You are deranged."

"About as conscious as yours, princess." Reno rolled his eyes. "Orange? Who the hell has orange hair?"

"My entire family you nut," Ron shot back. "It's more natural than yours!"

"Oh, come on, Ron. Don't make me go and prove how natural my hair color is here in front of the entire class."

His hand wasn't sneaking toward his shirt buttons. Really. It was just more convincing if he made the motions like all the clothes had to go to prove these things.

(Running to work! Will be back in several hours for late-like pinging!)

"If you dyed down there then you are mental," Ron said shaking his head. "And if you want to show off your twigs and berries knock yourself out. Not my problem."

"You honestly think I dye my hair?" Reno deadpanned at Ron. A lot. He'd seen a guy with naturally silver hair. And it was considered normal. Ish. His hair was unique, but it wasn't fake, dammit. "You're strange," he decided.

The Art of Cool: Class 5, Period 2 (Friday, February 8)

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