fandomhigh | Interactive Religion [Tuesday, February 5]

When the students arrived in the Danger Shop for class it had been rearranged again--this time in series of cavernous rooms full of heavy furniture.

"Welcome to Afghanistan," Biff said with a smile. "Home of Balthazar, one of the creepiest magi ever. My friend Josh and I came here a couple thousand years ago to learn about the Tao. Well, Josh learned about the Tao. I learned about feng shui, which is dependent on something called qi, and then the rest of it I ignored because I was being taught by beautiful Chinese concubines and I got distracted easily."

He pointed at a series of small brass scales on a nearby table. "What I do know is that the qi in all of those rooms is totally screwed up. You take these brass scales and someone who looks good at lifting heavy objects and start moving things around until the qi is balanced again. When the little brass scales balance, you've completed the task."

Biff, it might be a little obvious, didn't really hold a lot of stock in the idea of feng shui. He just wanted them to move furniture around for an hour.

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"Is it just me, or is this class getting weirder every week?" Rikku asked, giggling.

Romeo pointed to Jamie. "Aye, and the conversation I just had was near as odd as our teacher. But have you ever heard of this feng shui Professor Biff spoke of?"

"Not even," she said. She looked over at Jamie. "Oh! He's fun. What'd he say?"

She eyed the furniture. "I say we make a big happy face. That's pretty feng whatever, right?"

"It was about his socks and a brothel," Romeo said. "And not being permitted to use the facilities, or watch."

He facepalmed. "And that was about three things I would normally not mention in front of a lady. A happy face should work for the furniture, anyhow."

"It's okay, I grew up with guys," she said with a laugh. "My brother's friends? They'd all make crude jokes that I didn't even get, and then he'd yell and they'd eyeroll and I'd have to pretend to be offended because otherwise they might figure out that I had no idea what they were talking about. I kinda suck at being a lady."

She looked at the brass scales next. "So how're we gonna rig these to say that the happy face is perfect and neato?"

Romeo had to laugh at that. "That was one of my friend Mercutio's favorite pastimes, saying the crudest things he could think of and seeing if the lady would catch them or not. And then of course she had to fake offense, as you did."

He considered the scales. "Attach a weight to one side, perhaps? Or maybe the happy face really will work."

Rikku snickered. "Maybe he was just making them up, at times. That'd be kinda funny, just inventing slang and pretending it stands for something so awful you can't possibly tell the other person."

She walked over to the nearest couch. "Right. Let's try the happy face first, and then rig it if we have to. This should be a good warm-up for cheer, I'm thinking."

(AFK for a couple of hours, back soon)

"That sounds like him. And, also, he spoke in such a way that everything could have about three meanings, even if the hearer had to invent two of them." A fond smile accompanied these words.

He took the end of the couch opposite Rikku. "Which way shall we take it?"

"Oh, man," Rikku laughed. "See, that'd be fun to mess with, if you knew he was doing it? 'Cause then you could try to invent terms back to him and see if he pretended to know what you meant."

She lifted the couch and considered. "Down there," she nodded. "It can be the center of the smile."

"I may do that in my next message home," Romeo promised. Which wouldn't go to Mercutio, of course, but the principle would still be fun to explore. "Oh, and Rikku, speaking of our excellent ideas, I wore a Hawaiian shirt to work yesterday, but Ms. Bell did not see it, so I fear it did not count."

He grabbed the couch and began walking in the direction she had indicated.

"You did?!" Rikku bounced. "That's awesome! Oh, you should've worn one today, I want to see it. That'd rock."

She set her end of the couch down with a huff. "See? Progress. I feel feng-whatever-y already."

"Friday, and I will come see you at Wellspring Arms so you can admire it," Romeo promised.

He dropped his end of the couch and flopped onto it, then surveyed the remaining furniture. "I think if we nudge those chairs a bit, and the table into a nose between them, we should have a smile."

"You will?" Rikku grinned. "Awesome. Don't forget, I wanna see it."

She laughed as he flopped onto the couch. "I think you're right. Maybe drag one of those chairs over there onto each side of the couch, so the smiley face has a little upturn to it. We don't want him to look 'meh.'"

"I shall not," Romeo promise, then dragged himself off the couch and scooted a chair as Rikku suggested. "The grin is still rather feeble. perhaps a second one?"

Interactive Religion [Tuesday, February 5]

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