fandomhigh | Interactive Religion [Tuesday, February 5]

When the students arrived in the Danger Shop for class it had been rearranged again--this time in series of cavernous rooms full of heavy furniture.

"Welcome to Afghanistan," Biff said with a smile. "Home of Balthazar, one of the creepiest magi ever. My friend Josh and I came here a couple thousand years ago to learn about the Tao. Well, Josh learned about the Tao. I learned about feng shui, which is dependent on something called qi, and then the rest of it I ignored because I was being taught by beautiful Chinese concubines and I got distracted easily."

He pointed at a series of small brass scales on a nearby table. "What I do know is that the qi in all of those rooms is totally screwed up. You take these brass scales and someone who looks good at lifting heavy objects and start moving things around until the qi is balanced again. When the little brass scales balance, you've completed the task."

Biff, it might be a little obvious, didn't really hold a lot of stock in the idea of feng shui. He just wanted them to move furniture around for an hour.

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Romeo had no idea what it had to do with religion, unless the brass scales represented halos or something, but he listened anyhow, even if he was completely confused.

"Is he moving?" Jamie whispered to Romeo. "Because I'm going to need pizza and beer if this goes outside the classroom."

Romeo snorted back a laugh. "What I wish to know is where one finds Chinese concubines."

"Well there used to be a place in town," Jamie replied. "But they wouldn't even let me use the bathroom."

Romeo raised an eyebrow. "They must have been well-groomed harlots indeed, to refuse the student trade."

"Well my sock puppet had fun but I got no where," Jamie admitted. "And they did look pretty good for hoo- harlots."

And now Romeo was flat-out staring at Jamie, in a way he was probably used to.

"Is not your, ahem, sock puppet a mere part of you? If they entertained him, they entertained all of you." Unless they were really, really bad at their job.

"Well there was a dryer and other socks involved," Jamie explained. "I had to sit outside. Even then they wouldn't let me use the bathroom."

"So ... the puppet had experience with group socks," Romeo said. "I am sorry they wouldn't let you watch more closely."

No, he had no idea what he was saying.

"Yeah. It was a regular dryer. No window in the front so I couldn't see what was happening," Jamie said looking disappointed. "What about you Romeo? Any experience with harlots?"

Harlot was now Jamie's favorite word.

"I've never had to pay," Romeo said flippantly. He still didn't understand the whole dryer thing.

Jamie was giving Romeo all sorts of respect now. "Wow. How do get the harlots to do that? Booze? Coupons?"

"Not all women are harlots," Romeo pointed out.

"Oh!" Jamie said nodding. "We're talking about normal girls then. That's a completely different pickle."

"If they are merely normal, they are not worth the effort," Romeo said. "I speak of special girls."

"Well they're all special," Jamie replied. "Unless you have a different meaning of special that I don't know about."

He did. "There is special as you and I and that girl over there are special," he said, pointing to a student who had never caught his eye. "And then there is special as in ... she is a star and a sun and a moon and the earth, and she holds your fate int he palm of her hand."

Jamie looked at Romeo suspiciously. "Please tell me you never met Jean Grey."

Romeo shook his head. "Why?"

Jamie shook his head. "Oh just a girl with cosmic powers that everyone seems to fall in love with. I just wanted to make sure she didn't come back to life. Again."

"No, the girl I loved died only once." Which made him resentful. Stupid people with multiple lives.

Jamie winced. "Sorry, man. I had no idea."

"It was a while ago," Romeo said, fingers involuntarily jumping to the spot on his collarbone where Juliet's ring used to hit.

His closed eyes might indicate this was not a subject he wished to pursue further.

"So..." Jamie said looking around as though a new subject might turn up someplace. "Where do you think they hide the Chinese harlots?"

"Perhaps they hide under the beds, and if we find them we win the fengshway."

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