fandomhigh | Love Smart: Period 2, Week 11

Exhaustion, regardless of whether it's the result of too much sleep or too little sleep, sucks. Despite how tired he was, Barney appeared his usual dapper self, Armani-clad and ready to rock. He didn't get that plague thing so there was no way he was suffering from a cold. His nose was full of awesome and he just had to get some of it out. Frequently.

Overall, he was a sick mess. That wasn't going to stop him from lecturing about how he never got sick and why.

"So, after events during our last class, I thought we should discuss illness. Hey, no one said the syllabus was set in stone. Now, I've never been sick a day in my life. How is that, you ask, given my considerably communicable extracurricular activities? Answer: Awesomeness.

I combat the cold and flu season by injecting heavy doses of Awesome into my bloodstream. Special power. NASA's run tests. Passed them all. Flying colors.

Of course, not everyone shares my ability to fight infection through superior genetics, which is why I'm offering a few hints that can help you safely and naturally increase your BAC (Blood Awesome Count) as you encounter the seasonal symptoms.

Sore Throat

Hot tea and a lozenge? That's JV. Slip on a 100 percent Italian silk tie instead. The pain is just your throat demanding an accessory.

Fever

You may be tempted to put on a comfy pair of sweats and go to bed. DO NOT DO THIS. First, no one in this class should own such a garment. Second, sweats imply acceptance. You fight fire with fire: Suit Up!

Aches

Men don't ache. Leave that to the ladies.

Chills

Studies have shown the best way to fight cold is with body heat. If you've paid attention to previous classes, you're well enough equipped to target and acquire a choice cutlet to warm you up. Heh. "Well equipped."

Cough

A cough is the sound of your lungs high-fiving. They're celebrating your awesomeness. Join in! Light a Cuban, pour a cocktail, and imagine a world without children. Oh right, you are children.

Alone, or in combination, these remedies far surpass the prescriptions of yesteryear. Remember, 'over the counter' is just something they left out of the Kama Sutra.

Students, I ask, what are your own cold remedies? How many of you were able to tolerate your SO during your nasty plague? Who was it who gifted me with more porn? Let me know and I'll give you extra credit."

[ooc: Barney is sick. In many ways. Next week we'll resume our syllabus with some tips on ending relationships.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Well, we should pick a time since I'm here," Fraser said. "I slap you and then you can teach me how to live. It's a good trade off."

"Currently," he sniffled a little, "I'm a little busy." He was going to spend the night trying out all the remedies the students had told him about. And he still didn't want to get slapped. Again.

"You're hiding from me," Fraser said. No, he had no proof or really any reason but maybe he could provoke Barney.

Barney appeared flustered. "Do. I'm just busy wit all dis Awesome in by dose right dow." He played up the inability to talk.

"And you were so excited to get to show me how to live," Fraser said, tsking quietly. "And I was so looking forward to learning."

"Dere will be dime!" he promised, really wanting to help Fraser learn.

He bucked up a little, "Dame a day for da event."

"When are you free, Professor Stinson?" Fraser asked. "How long will it take your cold to alleviate?"

Barney sniffed thoughtfully. "I'mb free manana, mon Capitan." He was mixing his languages more for Awesome effect than anything else.

"Tomorrow," he said, nodding. "We'll do the slap and then you can do whatever you'd like with me. That has no dirty connotations."

~~Only in Barney-mun's wildest dreams was that sentence dirty...mmmm!~~

"I'll be dere," Barney said. "Do can cowd od id." He was barely trying to be coherent, so full of Awesome were his sinuses.

"I can barely understand you," he said. "We can do this at my apartment since I won't be ejected from there after I slap you. And then I change for the night."

"Ndo brass knuckles or udiform!" Barney wanted to make sure he wasn't going to end up in the hospital after this slap.

"Just my hand," he said, "and I'll wear a suit, I promise."

Fraser's hand was far too big to make that thought at all comforting. Barney gulped, "Jusd ond, do bore, do less! Dough, less would be okay..." He was maybe getting nervous, yes.

"One slap, no more, no less," he assured him. "It'll be over quick and then I'll be...your student for lack of a better word for the rest of the night."

If Barney's students only knew, they would probably have warned Fraser that this could only end badly for him.

"Id'll be Leged-waitforid-..." he was too tired to finish and his head collapsed on the desk.

Fraser suppressed his laughter and then said, "I'll see you tomorrow, Professor."

He turned and left quietly.

Love Smart: Period 2, Week 11

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