fandomhigh | Sex Edder #6, Monday, Period 3

When the class had gathered, GOB smiled an evil smile. "I wanted to thank Gavin for covering for me last week. I'm sure he did a great job leading the discussion and, really, he served as an inspiration to me. If it weren't for the topic he chose last week, I wouldn't have had any reason to do today's lecture."

GOB uncovered the dry erase board. "Mr GOB's Wild Ride (a.k.a. The True Story of GOB's First Time)," he read.

"The first time I had sex was back in my freshman year of high school.There was this girl, Sherry Brooks. And this was before everyone started calling her 'Sure Thing Sherry,' so it's not like I didn't have to work for it. She was all, 'Oh, GOB, I can barely keep my hands off you but we can't do anything more than make out all the time.' She kept talking about how it was against her religion and how her family would shun her if she started to have sex. These are what are called 'lame excuses.' If she was really into God it would have taken more than a couple beers and an 'I love you,' right?"

"Anyway, one night after she missed out on making the cheerleading squad, she wanted to go out to blow off some steam. I ended up taking her to a movie, something where stuff blows up to help her deal with the disappointment of sucking too much to be a cheerleader. It was fun, she saw Bruce Willis shooting stuff without a shirt and she let me grab her boobs while Bruce Willis shot stuff, so everyone enjoyed the movie."

"After that, we went back to her place which was empty because her parents were cheating on each other or dead or something, I don't remember offhand, and she asked me if I wanted a drink. So I told her how beautiful she looked and asked her for a beer. Just for the record, after a girl is depressed because she missed out on something where it could be based on her looks, compliments will get you everywhere, including into her parents' alcohol."

"We were drinking and she was complaining about cheerleaders, and popularity, and about how her parents were dead or whatever, and I knew this was my chance. I said those three magic words... 'Let's do it.' She looked at me weird like I said something wrong, so I looked at her tenderly and said, 'Come on!' And then she told me that she wanted me to leave, so I went with the only thing I had left. Remember this one, guys. I told her, 'But I just want to show you how much I love you.'"

"Thirty minutes later, I had had sex. I dumped her a couple days later. She was getting the reputation for being kind of a slut --" It should be noted that the reputation got started because GOB was bragging to everyone and exaggerating wildly. "-- and you know, I really didn't think it was in my best interests to be associated with someone like that. It would have been a huge mistake. Good thing, too, because she started to get kind of chubby there after a couple months. I didn't want to be known as a chubby chaser."

"Anyway, instead of whatever it is that all of you came up with last week, that is the story of my first time. It was with a pretty girl, I didn't have to pay her, and she did it willingly without being too drunk and it was a lot of fun becuase, man, she was a slut. She really lived up to her nickname." A nickname that she didn't have until GOB named her that while bragging to his classmates.

"So this week, let's hear about your first times. And if you're a wuss who's uncomfortable with that, talk about the first time you did something else. Like the first time you punched somebody, or the first time you rode a bike."

[OOC: Certain elements and names from the story taken from canon. Most of the story is me making crap up but, hey, I can't be Jossed on it!

And, hey, I seem to be playing from work a little today. Not too much, but a little!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Not necessarily about your first time having sex, you know, if you're a wuss. Or a virgin, which is a kind of wuss.*

*GOB's thoughts, not mine.

Bart was gaping like a fish out of water. He really didn't like this activity.

"I am not a wuss!"

"Then tell us about your first time," GOB said.

"I haven't had one!" He was two for god's sake! "I haven't even kissed a girl yet!"

Ah, there was no Bart like a spazzy Bart.

GOB did that thing where he coughed to poorly cover a call of "Wuss."

"Okay, how about the first time you, I don't know, played with a puppy?"

"I've never played with a puppy either," Bart replied slowly, trying to think back. Nope. No puppies.

"How about your first day of school? Any first," GOB said, trying to think of other firsts.

Bart frowned. "Do these classes count as school-school?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?" GOB said.

"Oh!" Bart bounced. "It was boring and hot and I wanted to go play X-Box."

One can only hope the same wouldn't be said about any other first times to be.

GOB laughed. "Well, my friend, that's what she said."

He loved that joke.

Bart? So not getting it.

"Huh? Who said?"

Re: ACTIVITY! Your First Time

bluth-illusions.livejournal.com - 2007-08-13 16:34 (UTC) - Expand

"Um, I'm not much of a story teller I don't think."

"Well, telling a story is just like sex. You're terrible at it at first but the only way you're going to get better is by doing it a lot," GOB said.

After a moment's pause, GOB added a lie. "Except for me. Sherry still tells me I was the best she's ever had, and she's had a lot."

"So you still keep in touch with Sherry?"

"Only when she calls and begs me to keep in touch with her, if you know what I mean," GOB said.

She shook her head. "No. Uh-uh, I don't think I want to know what you mean. That's probably a new story and I'm still working on the first story that I can't seem to tell very well. If at all. I mean I haven't even started yet. Maybe you should marry Sherry and make an honest girl out of her."

"I've been married. I'm not doing that again," GOB said. But if he ever did, GOB vowed to learn her name at some point before the annulment this time.

Annette nodded. She couldn't imagine being married to GOB. "Ow." That thought made her head hurt.

"What's the point of this class exercise? I just need to know."

"The point of this is to get comfortable sharing a little bit of yourself with the people around you," GOB said. "It's a metaphor for sex. With everyone wearing clothes."

Then a thought hit GOB. "Stories and sex also both have climaxes!" He knew there was more to that comparison than what he originally came up with.

"This is a little bit more than just a little bit, don't you think? I mean, we're talking about us having sex here." Pause. "I mean not us us, as in you and I...uh, I mean you know..."

Annette chose to ignore his last comment.

"That's why I gave the option for the people who are too *COUGHWUSSYCOUGH* shy to share," GOB said. "You can always talk about the first time you played a sport, or the first time you killed some guy. That way it's less like sharing yourself with the group for sex - metaphorically - and more like a bunch of handjobs. Metaphorically."

Annette frowned. "I am not a wuss, thank you very much." Hmmph.

bluth-illusions.livejournal.com - 2007-08-13 21:59 (UTC) - Expand

misshargrove.livejournal.com - 2007-08-13 22:04 (UTC) - Expand

bluth-illusions.livejournal.com - 2007-08-13 22:07 (UTC) - Expand

misshargrove.livejournal.com - 2007-08-13 22:43 (UTC) - Expand

bluth-illusions.livejournal.com - 2007-08-14 02:14 (UTC) - Expand

misshargrove.livejournal.com - 2007-08-14 02:49 (UTC) - Expand

"I am so not talking about my first time," Abigail said.

GOB coughed out another "Wuss." He probably needed a cough drop.

"Fine, then tell us about the first time you rode a bike or something."