fandomhigh | Sex Edder #4, Monday, Period 3

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sex ed

Sex Edder #4, Monday, Period 3

When the class had assembled, GOB grinned to them. "Welcome to class today. For those of you who missed it, last night was Three Minute Dates at Caritas and it was a huge success. Everyone who participated had fun and if they claim they didn't they're liars who have nothing better to do than lie," GOB bragged.

"Anyway, onto class, today we'll be talking about toys. Not action figures and board games. Sex toys. And not the ones you buy in adult stores. Those are overpriced and not nearly as much fun what we're going to talk about. No, today we're talking about sex toys you can find around the house in a little lesson I like to call 'Sex Toys: The Do It Yourself Way, But I Don't Mean It Like That, But They Could Be Used Like That.' Think of this as the best arts and crafts lesson you'll ever have."

"The first thing you should realize about homemade solutions to your sex toy problem is that if you can stick it in someplace that you wouldn't normally think of putting it without hurting yourself, you have yourself a potential sex toy. Long vegetables work great for that as long as they're washed. I mean, you don't want to catch potato famine, right?" That was wrong in many ways.

"Those skinny plastic dolls little girls play with work well because they also have that creepy fabric hair that works as a different surface for something that feels a little different. They're also great because not only does it really go with the name 'sex toy,' it also goes well with the naughty schoolgirl if that's you're kind of kink. Kitchen utensils are another classic that lets you use bad jokes about 'serving,' just like tennis rackets, actually. I once saw a woman do things with a spatula that I'll never forget no matter how much I drink to forget it."

"When it comes to the kind of homemade sex toy that you stick up somewhere, you want to make sure of two things: first, make sure you can get it out easily. Pretty much the last thing you want to go to the hospital for is having a telephone inside you. Second, make sure it's not something that will break. I've heard about people who've stuck lightbulbs up their butts - and we'll be making fun of people like that in a couple weeks - and that's something that's not only going to get stuck, but if you sit down the wrong way? You're going to be bleeding a lot from your ass. And that's the only worse thing to go to the hospital with, a bleeding ass and glass up there tthat needs to be removed. I think that's what happened to the new principal and she still hasn't gone to the emergency room." GOB had some issues with Umbridge from the bar the other night. He was also not a smart man and didn't realize that saying that kind of thing was possibly a bad idea.

"If you're not big on shoving a remote control inside yourself just because it fits, remember, a lot of things in and around your house vibrate. The classic is the washing machine. Start it up, hop on, and ladies, you probably won't need a man for a week. Maybe two. Cell phones set to vibrate, vibrating videogame controllers... If it vibrates, it can be used for some stimulation."

"So, for today's activity, think of something you can find around the house and use in sex that wasn't made for sex. I'll be taking a nap. Yesterday was way too busy."

[OOC: Class was going to be about something completely different today but the lecture just wasn't working. And so I came up with this at the last minute. I honestly don't know.]

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Collapsey!

Go ahead. Take notes. GOB dares you.

This is the kind of activity that happens when you come up with a topic at the last minute while you're still asleep. GOB's napping so it's totally possible to not do this.

On the other hand, if you have some ideas that will creep everyone out, go right ahead.

He's napping, he's not going to listen to you. You can try anyway if you want, though.

Seriously, I don't know.

Annette Hargrove

Taking notes? Shyeah right. Annette was trying to get her jaw to close because it was nearly hanging to the floor.

Annette did not have any homemade ideas. She didn't even want to think about any homemade ideas. Ew.

Gavin Darklighter

Gavin just tried to cover his ears with his hands.

"Um. Uh." He had no idea. NO IDEA. "Um, a book?"

Hermione Granger

Hermione was staring with her jaw dropped, as had become the usual for this class.

Though she did have to try really hard not to laugh at the Umbridge part... until she realized how gross that was.

Bart Allen

Bart had no idea what to say. This was... horrifying on so many levels.

"But why would they put stuff there?"

Abigail Whistler

Abigail had her hand over her mouth, and was desperately trying not to laugh out loud.

"What would you use the book for?" Abigail asked curiously.

"To hide behind," Gavin said.

Abigail laughed. "I don't think hiding will be beneficial to your sex life."

"Neither will this class," Gavin replied. "A doll part? Really? My sister used to play with those things."

"Okay that's, admittedly, really disgusting, and I don't want to think about what kind of twisted thought process went into him trying that in the first place," Abigail said. "But he actually wasn't too far off the mark about household things that vibrate."

"I didn't have those type of things," Gavin said. "Vibrate? That's...good?"

Abigail nodded emphatically. "Very good. Vibrating things are pretty much the center of any successful sex toy business."

"Don't vibrations usually make people sick?" It was possible his definition of a vibration was different than this vibration. "That's not good during...it."

Naomi Wildman

"If your whole body is vibrating, I guess you could get sick. But we're talking about things that vibrate against small parts of the body. Did you say you don't have a cell phone?" She was really hoping that there would be someone who thanked her for this someday.

"I barely know what one is," he said. "Concentrated vibrations?"

"Concentrated. That's a good way of putting it," she said, pulling out her phone. "This is my cell phone. People can call me, and unless I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, the call will go through and I can talk to them. Normally, when you get a call, the phone rings or beeps or makes some kind of noise, but if you're stuck somewhere where ringing would be distracting - like class - you can make it vibrate instead."

Abigail set the phone down on her desk, pushed the ringer button on the side until it went from 'silent' to 'vibrate' and let the phone happily demonstrate its vibrating capabilities.

Gavin watched the phone vibrate for a few moments before asking, "And that's pleasurable? Wouldn't it just be annoying?"

Abigail smirked. "Not if you've got something vibrating against the right body part."

He'd learned more from her than he had GOB. Stupid GOB.

"There are certain places that are better than others?" Like you couldn't see that question coming.

"Yes, definitely. Are you at least vaguely familiar with how sex works? And what parts go where?"

What, she had to ask.

"Yes," he said quickly, managing to not blush too much. "And I know it's not a competition too."

Learned that from GOB, actually.

Haku

Haku had a feeling that he hadn't missed much from last weeks class, and listening to this weeks topic.... wow. It made him glad that he'd gone a week and doubly glad that he hadn't mentioned this class to Zabuza.

Haku felt the same way, with a ninja twist on the things that he had back home; which just made it all the more... "ew" with a dash of "ow" tossed in for horrors.

"I'm afraid to ask what I missed last week...."

"It's definitely not. And am I correct in assuming you want to have sex with girls?" Again, an important question at this school.

"Probably not a good idea to think about it," she said, looking over.

"I don't want the glitter spilled on me!" Gavin blurted out inexplicably. "So. Um. Yes."

"Don't worry, I don't have any glitter," Abigail promised him. "If you're dealing with a girl, then the spots you want to focus your attention on are her breasts and between her legs. The best advice I can give you is to ask the girl where she wants you to be doing things, because most girls really don't mind instructing in exchange for, you know, actually enjoying themselves."

"Instructions?" Vibrations, instructions, Gavin started to wonder if visual aids were next. "Like she'd quiz me or something?"

Abigail shook her head. "More like, she'll say, 'Touch me here,' and if you touch her where she said to, then she'll feel good, she might make some happy noises, and then you'll know you're doing it right."

"Happy noises?" Gavin asked, frowning. "Are those easy to distinguish from bad noises?"

"Very easy," she assured him. "If she sounds bored, that's a bad sign. If she's moaning, or outright going, 'Ooh, don't stop,' that's a good sign."

"What if there's no noise?" Gavin asked. He wanted to cover all the bases, after all. "Does that mean stunned speechless?"

"That's a definite possibility." Sure, it was a definite not-possibility too, but she didn't want to confuse him too much.

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Sex Edder #4, Monday, Period 3

Sign In [WS4]

During the Lecture [WS4]

ACTIVITY! List home-made sex toys

Talk to GOB [WS4]

OOC [WS4]

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