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fandomhigh2007-07-23 07:32 am
bluth-illusions.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2007-07-23 07:32 am
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Sex Edder #3, Monday, Period 3
Today when everyone had gathered, GOB put a picture on the board of a young man in a high school letter jacket with his arms raised. GOB smiled. "This is the result of you being stupid," he said. "When you have unprotected sex, you either get the clap or this. It's a better idea to go for the clap. When you use a brand of condom because it's cheaper and that will let you get some better booze to go with your perfect night? Spend a little more on the condoms and get the cheap booze. The headache you'll have in the morning is better than the condom breaking and you getting this."
"That's right, I'm talking about kids today," GOB said. "More specifically, I'm talking about Unexpected Parenthood... and You!"
"This picture is of my only son that I'm aware of, Steve Holt! He's not a smart kid, so, really, he only got his good looks from me." This was a lie. Steve Holt got his brains - or lack thereof - from GOB. "When I found out that one of my high school sweethearts was pregnant, I was crushed and surprised. My future was gone. From that point forth, I was a father first and foremost. Everything in my life from that point forth would have to go into raising a child."
"Fortunately, I didn't even know about him until he was in high school, so I only had to put up with that crap for a couple years before I didn't have to deal with it anymore. Because once they're legal, you don't have to do anything with them anymore. Write that down, it's important."
"But if you didn't get as lucky as me and are actually aware of your kid - which is even more likely for the girls in the room - you're going to have to raise that child as your own. Or you can put them up for adoption or abandon them at the hospital or sell it on the black market or whatever, but today's workshop is called Unexpected PARENTHOOD not Unexpected DEATBEATING, even though that can also be a noble cause if done right."
"When you become a parent, especially unexpectedly, you need to devote three things to the kid. FIrst, money, because kids are expensive little creatures and want to eat. Second, time, because they're emotionally needy. And third, half of a damn. I advise not giving a full damn because they're going to be terrible to you in just over a decade anyway so you should cut your losses early and not get your hopes up. That's what my parents did to me and I turned out just fine compared to other brothers that are teaching workshops this summer who got smothered by our mother. Again, you can avoid most of that by not being aware that they exist until they're just about legal."
"For today's activity, we're going to split into groups of two. Get together with somebody and just talk, go about your daily business, and see how you react when you have to deal with one of these," GOB said, holding up a baby doll. "I'll throw them at you at random points during the conversation, and then you have to spend all your time paying attention to it because that's parenthood. Okay, pair up."
[OOC: Today's workshop is brought to you by Sleep and Being Terrible To Your Family. The baby dolls are your standard cheap plastic babies with weird fake hair and, yes, GOB will actually throw them at you.]
"That's right, I'm talking about kids today," GOB said. "More specifically, I'm talking about Unexpected Parenthood... and You!"
"This picture is of my only son that I'm aware of, Steve Holt! He's not a smart kid, so, really, he only got his good looks from me." This was a lie. Steve Holt got his brains - or lack thereof - from GOB. "When I found out that one of my high school sweethearts was pregnant, I was crushed and surprised. My future was gone. From that point forth, I was a father first and foremost. Everything in my life from that point forth would have to go into raising a child."
"Fortunately, I didn't even know about him until he was in high school, so I only had to put up with that crap for a couple years before I didn't have to deal with it anymore. Because once they're legal, you don't have to do anything with them anymore. Write that down, it's important."
"But if you didn't get as lucky as me and are actually aware of your kid - which is even more likely for the girls in the room - you're going to have to raise that child as your own. Or you can put them up for adoption or abandon them at the hospital or sell it on the black market or whatever, but today's workshop is called Unexpected PARENTHOOD not Unexpected DEATBEATING, even though that can also be a noble cause if done right."
"When you become a parent, especially unexpectedly, you need to devote three things to the kid. FIrst, money, because kids are expensive little creatures and want to eat. Second, time, because they're emotionally needy. And third, half of a damn. I advise not giving a full damn because they're going to be terrible to you in just over a decade anyway so you should cut your losses early and not get your hopes up. That's what my parents did to me and I turned out just fine compared to other brothers that are teaching workshops this summer who got smothered by our mother. Again, you can avoid most of that by not being aware that they exist until they're just about legal."
"For today's activity, we're going to split into groups of two. Get together with somebody and just talk, go about your daily business, and see how you react when you have to deal with one of these," GOB said, holding up a baby doll. "I'll throw them at you at random points during the conversation, and then you have to spend all your time paying attention to it because that's parenthood. Okay, pair up."
[OOC: Today's workshop is brought to you by Sleep and Being Terrible To Your Family. The baby dolls are your standard cheap plastic babies with weird fake hair and, yes, GOB will actually throw them at you.]
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