fandomhigh | Dealing With Stupid People [Tuesday, July 10, 2nd period]

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Dealing With Stupid People [Tuesday, July 10, 2nd period]

Josh was still not exactly comfortable with the whole "being outside" thing as he perched on a picnic bench and smiled at the students as they assembled. In deference to the ridiculously hot weather, he was wearing short sleeves and khakis. No tie. Scary, no?

"Okay, one of the most annoying things you will encounter in your life will be other people," he began, rolling his eyes. "Most of us -- in my universe, anyway, some of you might have other experiences -- can't kill them by using our brains, so we have to come up with different coping methods. We'll get to the more advanced techniques -- sarcasm, the strategic use of an eye roll -- later, but today we'll start out with something that gives you a lot of chance to practice before you send out the final product."

He pulled out a sheaf of papers and dropped it onto the table. "Writing back to stupid people!" he said triumphantly. "In this exercise you need to reply to these obviously deranged letters in a polite way without asking if they've thought to seek professional help for their delusions. There are five different letters so pair up with a partner -- it's better to double check your language against someone else, at least at the beginning -- and write back to these completely insane people."

Josh grinned. "Questions? Problems? I don't really care, but ask anyway."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Please," Rodney responded to the random boy who had just sat next to him. "Like I don't have one hundred and one better uses for my time. Plus, it's not nearly as entertaining to mock some idiot if you can't even see their reaction."

"The reaction is half the fun," John agreed. "What sort of reply did you wanna write?" John leaned back in his chair, ~~far too lazy to do actual work.~~

"Oh, I don't know," Rodney said sarcastically. "Maybe we should thank them for giving us such an original tip and then offer a suggestion for where they can shove it." Actually, Rodney sort of liked that idea.

"We could do that, or we could write them a nice letter asking how big theirs is, and why they are so interested in ours," John replied.

"You mean we'd turn it around and make them sound like even more of a pervert?" Rodney thought about it and nodded. "That could work, I suppose." He started writing, Dear Concerned Individual...

"Say something about how pleased we were to get their letter," John said, peering at what Rodney was writing. "And that we hope their family is well."

"Oh, that's good," Rodney pointed at his partner and resumed writing.

Dear ~~Concerned Individual~~ Friend,
We were pleased to receive your letter in regards to the relative proportions of our genitalia. Your concern is touching. We hope that you and your family are doing well.

Rodney paused. "Would it be wrong to ask if their syphilis has cleared?"

John laughed. "No, syphilis is a great addition." He had chosen the right partner for this task of mockery. "You're a pro at dealing with stupid people, why'd you take the class?"

Rodney smirked as he added to their letter.

Has your syphilis cleared, yet? We know it was giving you a difficult time.

He may have preened a little a the compliment. "I have had a lot of practice. I mean, there are so many stupid people out there and when you're as intelligent as I am, it starts to come naturally. Still, one can always use the practice and, I will admit, there are some situations where it'd be better if I could handle things a bit more diplomatically." Not that he'd ever tried. "You can't imagine how frustrating it is when you can't finish an experiment because your lab partner is crying." Rodney sighed.

"Add something about hoping he hasn't shared his disease with too many people in his family of eunichs," John added, pointing at Rodney in triumph.

"How smart are we talking?" John asked, curiously.

Rodney continued writing as he answered the question. "I'm a genius," he stated matter-of-factly. "In fact, I'm probably the smartest person in my reality."

"Not the smartest in all realities?" John teased, watching Rodney write.

Rodney totally did not notice any teasing that might have taken place. "Well, logically speaking, I can't claim to know about realities I haven't been to," he answered seriously. "Not to mention that people in the future will have my work to use as a basis for their own. That will certainly give the next generation of scientists a leg up." Rodney paused as he considered the lasting effect he would have on the world. "Great men will stand upon my shoulders," he murmured.

"Great men?" John asked. "I'd settle for a hot girl at this point in my life."

"Oh, yeah," Rodney looked a little glazed. "Especially if she was a blonde." He shook himself a little and tried to focus on their assignment again.

John really wasn't that picky. "Blonde, brunette, whatever. A hot girl is a hot girl."

Attempting to be a better student John asked, "So, how are we gonna conclude this letter?"

"True," Rodney admitted. "But blondes are even hotter than other hot girls." What? It made total sense to him.

"We still need to say something about how this person seems to be projecting his own issues with inadequacy onto us." Rodney looked to his partner for some input.

Rodney sure was picky about hair color. John rubbed a hand through his own hair self-consciously.

"I think you're on the right track," he said. "We should ask if he is currently using any supplements, and if so, how they are helping him with his problems."

"Huh," Rodney said as he watched John play with his crazy hair and make it even messier. "Your hair has never even heard of Newton, has it?"

Going back to their assignment, Rodney started writing again.

Your obsession with penis size implies that this is an issue in your life. It saddens us that you feel so inadequate and are compelled to compensate through artificial means. Have you had much personal success with these pills that you recommend? If so, we are glad that you can finally enjoy normal sexual relations.

John raised an eyebrow. "No, Rodney, I don't think my hair knows that 'every single point mass attracts every other point mass by a force pointing along the line combining the two. With the force proportional to the product of the two masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between the point masses.'"

He looked at their letter. "I really like that you mentioned personal success, it makes it just that much meaner."

Rodney was staring. He really had not expected his partner to start quoting the law of universal gravitation. He shook himself before he could start thinking that it was kind of hot. It's not like that was anything beyond what an average high school physics student would need to memorize. So really, it was nothing special. And he would keep telling himself that.

"Um, right, so..." Rodney might have still been a little distracted. "I think that should do it. All we need is the closing."

Best wishes for your future sexual encounters. Maybe by using your own products, girls will no longer laugh at you behind your back.

Yours sincerely,
Rodney McKay and-

He stopped suddenly as he realized that he'd never gotten his partner's name.

"What's wrong?" John asked innocently, noticing Rodney had stopped writing just when he needed to put John's name on the paper. Obviously someone hadn't been paying attention in class yesterday.

Rodney might have been embarrassed if his partner hadn't tried to look innocent. Then again, he was Rodney. "You never told me who you are."

"John Sheppard," John held out his hand and smirked. "Funny how I know who you are."

"Rodney McKay," he replied needlessly as he shook John's hand. "How is it that you know me?" Rodney asked suspiciously. He thought it was a little early in the session for him to have picked up some sort of weird physicist stalker but it seemed as though stranger things than that happened around here with alarming regularity.

Dealing With Stupid People [Tuesday, July 10, 2nd period]

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