fandomhigh | Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way #5, Monday, Period 3

As the students signed in today, GOB gave some of them ~~that is, the ones who OOCly volunteered~~ a card with the following written on it:

Congratulations! You will be playing a prostitute for today's activity! Please think of how best to get convince people to pay you for sex.

One card had something else written on it, but we'll get to that later.

Once everyone was ready, GOB started talking. "Today's class is going to be about something near and dear to my heart and something that is completely acceptable if you have the money and don't have the time to create some sort of bond either through conversation or alcohol. Prostitution. It's legal here but in places that it's not there is one big problem with it. You might accidentally pick up a cop. If you pick up a cop, you go to jail because apparently that's what they do when you're 'a sex offender.' And that's why today's class is called..." GOB pulled the standard sheet off the standard dry erase board. "... Prostitution: How Not to Pick Up a Cop."

"In your typical cities that don't have brothels, you'll usually find prostitutes on a street corner at night. They're often dressed whorishly, with short skirts, skimpy tops, and heels that take five years off their life expectancy. Male hookers, known as gigolos, sometimes wear the same things. They lure you in with these clothes and other forms of advertising, such as clever signs or ventriloquist puppets acting as pimps." Strangely enough, GOB was actually talking about something that he knew to be true from experience. His puppet, Franklin, was a pimp for a time.

"But the police know all about those things and then they set up what a good lawyer will argue is entrapment. They dress up just like the real hookers and know how the real hookers work. There are several ways to check if your hooker is a cop, but they all depend on one thing: don't actually agree to anything. It's not soliciting a prostitute if you haven't actually agreed to have sex and there's no understanding of some sort of money transaction. The police are tricky and might try to fool you with questions like, 'Wanna screw? Just fifty bucks!' or 'Looking for a prostitute?' If they ask you that, just chat them up a bit, see if you can get them to come back to a cheap motel room with you without the promise of money."

"If you do that well enough you can even try not to pay. If they're a cop, they're screwed two ways because without money, they just boinked you for the fun of it and they don't get to make a bust. But if they're an actual hooker, they'll send their pimp after you soon enough and then you'll know that your trick was no illusion."

"Remember, though, not agreeing to sex is your buffer. If you blow that you're still not in trouble. It's not illegal until there's money involved. And if you can disguise the money transaction, it doesn't count as prostitution at all! See if they'll let you buy them dinner and then go back to your place for dessert. Then it's technically a date. A date with a whore."

"Other ways to find out if your hooker is a cop include rubbing up against them and feeling for a badge, avoiding any prostitutes that have hand cuffs, asking them if they're a cop, and watching a street corner for weeks to see if your preferred hooker ever talks to cop cars that pass by. That's what we call 'being a smart consumer.' But be careful with it or the hookers might call it 'stalking' and you'll go to jail without even touching a genital."

"So, this week, your activity will be trying to hook up with a prostitute. Our volunteer prostitutes will be trying to get you to commit to something. First sex, then money. The rest of you, our Johns and Janes, will be trying to get them to agree to something without actually committing to anything yourself. And remember, worst case scenario, agree to sex but don't talk payment! Because one of our prostitutes is actually an undercover cop and they will bust you. If they bust you, you have to write on the board 20 times 'I will not get caught soliciting a prostitute' and they will get extra credit." GOB would not be giving extra credit for that. "If you can get your prostitute to leave with you without agreeing to a money transaction, you will get the extra credit." GOB would not be giving extra credit for that either. "Remember, though, this is a school project and therefore there will be no money changing hands or sex being had unless it's after class on your own time. Also, no groping or rubbing for badges. Nobody here has a badge and I don't want to get fired."

"Oh, and an exercise for homework. Try to get somebody to pay you for something that they could either do or arrange to have done without paying. If you can do that, bring the money next week as proof and you'll get some more extra credit." Again, he would not be assigning any extra credit. "Now, whore up!"

[OOC: The prostitutes will be Dick, Pam, Willow, and Zack. There are supplies for quickly made signs and ads and there are heels to wear to help you look whorish.

Right from the start we're probably near the line of NSFW so please don't push it too much. That said, have fun!]

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"No particular place to go?" Willow replied.

"Are you interested in cultural events? Intelligent political discourse? Do you have artistic talents or other special talents of some kind?" Inara asked, reaching into her pocket and looking for something. "Would you like to be with other girls who share similar interests?"

"Well... yes," Willow said. "But you should probably know I'm already in a sorority."

"Oh, this isn't about that," Inara finally produced a small card from her pocket, with several holographic Chinese characters and a phone number on it. "If you're ever interested in a more upscale clientele, just let me know. You could be so much more than this life."

Willow peered at the card curiously. "You're not a Jehovah's witness, are you?"

"What's a Jehovah's witness?"

"I'll take that for a no," Willow said. "So, uh, what exactly are you offering me here?"

"A job as a Companion, should you ever get tired of...this," she said, indicating the corner.

"I see," Willow said. "And what would the job entail?"

"Classes in deportment, seduction, conversation," Inara shrugged, "It's all fairly standard. You'd accompany a man or woman of your choosing to an important event, cater to their needs as contracted ahead of time, and return back to your house."

"So... prostitution then."

"It's a bit more...refined, than that," Inara tried to explain some of the nuances, and, as usual, was having some difficulty, "A very necessary position. Think of it more like a geisha, but with more personal freedom and choice."

"Would I have the choice to not stay in a house, or do all the comportment bits and what have you?" Willow asked.

"Once you are a member of the guild, you can live as you choose, as long as you follow their rules about physical examinations and things like that, and your client list is purely your own. Whatever, er, comporting, you do is up to you."

"What's in it for the guild?"

"A percentage of our fees go to them, and they use it to give us things like health care and retirement benefits," Inara explained, "Plus, they can keep things safe for the Companions by using the money to make sure that we are taken care of legislatively."

Willow pondered this. "What makes you think I'd be interested in all of this?"

"You're a reasonably attractive young girl and seem friendly. This," she glanced around at the imaginary street corner, "isn't a life that most people want." She whispered, "I think you'd have to accept customers like our professor in the ordinary course of business. Think about it."

"Possibly true," Willow said. "But if I was what you seem to be implying that I am and since you seem to be so eager to improve my situation surely there must be something that could be done right now as a more immediate solution?"