fandomhigh | Stabbing People for Fun and Profit: Mercenary Work for Beginners, Monday, Period 4

Deadpool was practically bouncing with glee over this class. He was being allowed to teach impressionable youths about mercenary work, how great was that?

Once all his students, or at least a few of them showed up because he was getting impatient and wanted to get on with the teaching and the shooting fun times.

"Good morning my little mercs in training. First of all, I'd like to clear up any salacious rumors you may have heard on the radio about myself and Professor Yondaime. Contrary to what Aly may have claimed, there was no quickie Vegas style wedding with a classy Venice backdrop, complete with costumes and a little gondola that brought any bride up the aisle. Because that would just be silly and we all know better than to listen to the radio for what the truth is."

He paused and thought that statement over.

"Scratch that, listen when I'm on the radio because I would never lie about stuff like that. Unless I got paid to, at least. A point that brings us to the topic of the day!"

Grinning at his class, Deadpool started to pace back and forth.

"First! Why are you in this class? What do you want to learn? Is this something you want to continue as a career choice? Because let me tell you, there was no mercenary for hire included on those aptitude tests that guidance counselors usually make you take. I know this because there would have been more questions about whether or not you're willing to kill people for money. An poor excuse for an aptitude test if you ask me."

"Second! How far are you willing to go for this? It's a question every merc has to ask themselves when they first start out. Where do they draw the line in what jobs they will take and what they won't take? Will you not kill babies? Or maybe don't want to kick puppies. I'm pretty sure you won't get hired for any puppy kicking jobs, but you never know. It could happen. Be a pretty easy job too." He looked off, lost in thought over such a easy job and if he was willing to kick puppies for money.

Oh, who was he kidding, of course he would. Money was awesome.

"Third! What is your skill level in the fighting, gun work, sword work, explosives, knowledge of bad reality shows about models, breaking and entering skills with a z, and ability to adapt to changes in plans and situations?? All very important and necessary for being a mercenary who lives for more than a year. Seriously. I remember this one kid, we called him No Armed Pete because he didn't have any arms. He didn't last long in the business. Heart attack. It was sad, really."

He bounced on his heels once, waiting for answers from the kiddies. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

[[ooc: ~~Please wait for the~~ OCD is now up!]]

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"Don't husbands give other husbands more special kinds of presents?"

Eyetwitch. "I knew it! You just want to know about all the mansex that isn't going on at all and how dare you imply otherwise."

"What's that?" Fraser cupped a hand around his ear. "If you're having trouble in that department, perhaps you should discuss it with your beloved."

"I'll get you! And your adorable dog who was the best puppy ever too!"

He took a step back, having felt his mission was accomplished. "Perhaps matching jackets next? Yours could be embroidered with 'Hooded Honey' and Professor Yondaime's with 'Ninja Snookums?'"

"Not unless you also want to end up with blue hair!"

"Could you make mine red?" Fraser asked. "It would go very well with my serge."

"Pink it is!" Wade replied cheerfully.

"Married life makes you very tame," he said and took another step back. "You've been whipped."

And another step back.

Oh, hell no!

Deadpool took one large step forward to get at him. "You did not just call me whipped!"

"I think I did." He was resigned to his fate ~~whatever it would be~~ now. "Professor the Whipped?"

Deadpool grabbed him by the front of his serge and hoisted him into the air. "It would be a very bad idea to think I'm not dangerous."

What? He didn't like being underestimated in his abilities even if he did have to hold back a lot because of the kiddies.

All right, he was up in the air. Deadpool was a lot stronger than he originally thought. Perhaps the clothing hid the muscles. Or something.

"I never said you weren't dangerous," he said. "Just whipped. Dangerously whipped? Whipped dangerously? And if you throw me, I am telling your husband on you!"

Magic genetic mutations did a body good.

"And I'll tell him you were calling us married and he'll do the same thing."

Yup. Still holding him up in the air. He could do this for... at least another fifteen minutes.

Fraser started kicking his feet. It was about the only thing he could do in the position he was in.

"You are married," Fraser said. "Aly told me! And the radio did too! Don't deny your true feelings!"

"We're not even dating," Deadpool hissed. "Or weren't. I'm not really sure right now."

And he'd been getting out of shape because his arms were starting to hurt. Not good at all. He tossed Fraser down, glaring at him, hands on his hips. "And I'll thank you to not mess up whatever the hell is going on between us by talking about the wedding that didn't happen."

Fraser stumbled backwards, caught himself and dusted off his jacket. "You might want to find copies of the radio broadcast you three did then. Your marriage was announced to the whole student body."

"Aly announced that and I'm going to make sure there's some crazy fun revenge on her for that because it was her fault in the first place."

Sure, he ignored the fact that he may have beat up a few people and then had to run form the police, but that wasn't important now.

"And students know better than to say anything like that so that just leaves the supposedly polite Mountie whose hair I'm going to dye pink." Pause. "And dog too. Matching set."

"Do you have some sort of hair dying ability I don't know about?" Fraser asked. "You'd have to make me sit still for that to happen."

"No, but I do have a large selection of tranquilizer darts laying around the house."

"And now that you've told me of your intentions, you don't think I'll be on my guard?"

Deadpool's grin widened. "And I'm an assassin with decades of experience, I don't think I'll have a problem."

"You'll lose," Fraser said.

Oh, it be on now.

"Says you, Mountie."

"I outrank you." He didn't. "I'm the HEAD of Security."

Stabbing People for Fun and Profit: Mercenary Work for Beginners, Monday, Period 4

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