fandomhigh | Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way, Monday, Period 3

GOB stood at the main campfire next to a large boom box and what looked amazingly like a wheeled dry erase board under a big white sheet. When everyone had gathered, GOB pushed Play on the boom box, causing "The Final Countdown" to play. With the music going, he introduced himself.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to enter a world of passion, a world of pleasure, a world with pictures of people naked. You're about to have your mind blown and if you pass this class, that's not the only thing that might get blown! Welcome to Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way. I'll be your instructor, GOB Bluth."

He hit Stop on the boom box. "Today's lesson will be about foreplay. The title?" A blast of smoke went off and GOB pulled the sheet off the board, revealing the title which GOB read aloud, "Foreplay and Why You Don't Need It."

"A lot of sex starts with foreplay, so it makes sense to start the workshop with it. Let's get the basics out of the way. Foreplay is what you do until you get ready to actually have sex. You're teenagers. You're constantly horny. Some of you may be ready to jump someone here right now. If you need any rubbing or sucking or toys to get ready to go, you may want to write a letter to God asking why you haven't hit puberty yet."

"Those are, for the record, the three basic forms of foreplay. First," GOB said, writing it on the board, "rubbing. Just throw a hand in the chest, crotch, or face area and get to work on anything that sticks out. Change what areas you're rubbing a few times and your partner should be good to go inside of a couple minutes."

"Second," GOB said, turning to the board again, "sucking. This is the same principle as rubbing, but with your mouth. Not too hard to figure out. Licking is kind of two-point-five. It's rubbing, but with something that comes from your mouth."

"Third," GOB said, writing once more, "is toys. Your toys should come with some kind of instructions. Follow them and you're good. But if you want to make sure they work even better, read the French instructions. It's the language of love for a reason."

"Now ignore all of that," GOB said, drawing a big X over what he had just written. "Like I said, if you're not constantly horny now, there's something wrong with you. More than that, you don't have time for it anyway. When you're at home, the key is to get it done quickly to make sure that nobody's parents catch you. And if you're fast enough, you might even make it to two or three houses in a single night. Trust me, it's fun."

"In the cabins here, if you take your time with sex somebody's going to notice and you're going to make them uncomfortable. You should never let what anyone else thinks about your sexual activities influence you unless it might lead to your ass getting kicked. Angry cabinmates may kick your ass. Get in, have your fun, get out, try to be quiet about it unless you can beat up everyone else in your cabin."

"So remember, foreplay? Nice if you have some time to kill, but mostly useless for you."

"For today's activity, you'll be splitting up into pairs and coming up with a list of things you would do with all the extra time you'll have saved up if you don't bother with foreplay. I'll get you all started with one suggestion: have more sex. Get going with more things."

[OOC: Syllabus. The main post may be vaguely NSFW due to the topic, discussion in the comments may vary slightly from that initial NSFW declaration. I'm slow during work, so play amongst yourselves and ping me in the OOC thread or Talk to GOB if there's anything urgent. That will be standard operating procedure for this workshop, just so I don't have to say it every week.

Feel free to split into pairs of your own choosing in the given threads and get to work coming up with lists!]

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Door makes a face. "I don't think you could call the one I saw normal. ...I hope."

"Ewwwww," Pam says, eyes wide. She then thinks and adds to the list, Make up your own religion, possibly involving fruit being worn on the head.

"Oh, I've a head start on that!" Door says approvingly. "I've got a hat with fruit. ...Well, it used to have fruit. It'd smell pretty awful if it still did."

"Really?" Pam asks, grinning. "It's not my idea - Rikku came up with it, but I'm going to do it sometime. Why do you have a fruit-hat?"

"I sang a song about Carmen Miranda's ghost for music class." Door grins. "Most of the fruit rolled off at some point."

Pam blinks a little at that. "Wow. Did you get a good grade or whatever for it?"

"I think so. Plus Constable Hot Mountie said my hat was delicious, so it'd have been worth it even if I hadn't."

"Always a plus," Pam says. "Jaye told me about him but I haven't really seen him."

Well, she had, but he was wee and had cried at her offering of candy. Pam didn't know that.

"He's worth seeing," Door assures her. Then she scribbles down on the list Think about Constable Hot Mountie.

Pam carefully adds And Professor Cale who is 67.4 kinds of cute.

"Oh, I remember him. He came to music class when all the teachers were wee!" Door bounces. "Quite cute, yes." ...probably not the same sort of cute that Pam is thinking, no.

"Awwww! He was wee?" Pam asks. "How adorable! Little kids don't like me, but awwwwwwwww."

"Really?" Door tilts her head. "Why not? You don't seem like the sort who'd eat them. Or scare them away."

"I wish I knew," Pam says, shaking her head. "But they all run away. Jim thinks it's because I try too hard."

"Hmm." Door writes another item on the list, then shows it to Pam.

Ignore children?

"It might work. Plus you can do it at the same time as any of the other things on the list. Very efficient."

Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way, Monday, Period 3

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