Defense Against Malicious Magic - 3/12/2007 - Vampires Suck

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

Byron enters the room and motions for the students to settle down.

"I'm sure you'll all be glad to know that Slobodan Milosevic will not be able to join us for this particular class.

Or, maybe you won't. Either way..."

He waves a hand and a large diagram appears on the whiteboard...
Scale of Vampires 1 to 11


"Vampires. Kindred. Leaches. Cainites. Shimulo. Blood sucking no-good-nicks... Of which I am not one... There are as many varieties of these creatures as the Eskimos have words for snow.

The reason for this is that the list of causes for vampirism are as long as my pin-striped slacks.

Some of these include blood disease, magical means intended to extend life, curses, and demonic possession.

The diagram you see before you is my no means complete in it's listing, but it will serve for our purposes. The varieties we see here on the diagram are listed in an order that takes into account both danger as well as difficulty to kill. With the exception of this fellow. Who maintains his place on this end of the scale despite being considerably less dangerous then his predecessors as he is exceedingly more difficult to kill. Unlike... Well, anyone else on this scale, he actively avoids danger and even runs away from it. His ancestors were quite vicious actually, and it's probably be in everybody's best interest if this particular incarnation is let to live as long as possible. The lesson there being that you should always be sure of what you're killing before you kill it, if you can.

Even among subgroups there are individuals who can be higher or lower on this scale, this is just an average on groups as a whole when there are what can be considered 'a group."

He says that last bit with finger quotes and everything.

"Now, this class is about defending oneself against malicious magic. Most varieties of vampires have certain abilities. Abilities to cloud one's mind, perceptions and judgment are often adversely affected in the presence of these creatures. A good example of this would be Monsieur de Lioncourt, who is of a variety that calls itself "The Damned" which sounds way cooler the 'Jet Boy and Jet Girl'. Monsieur de Lioncourt published a book under a nome de plume, as some of you may well know. This particular creature's mind affecting aura is so powerful, that merely reading his words is enough to lull the reader into a trance-like state. Particularly weak-willed subjects will actually fall asleep or slip into a coma in the most extreme cases.

There are few methods of combating the unwanted advances of a vampire that will work across the board. Relatively few suffer from 'crepe-paper ribcage' or a weakness to magic or religious implements, an allergy to garlic or whatever else may have worked in the past for you. What you can generally rely on, as I have discussed before in this class, is your own willpower. While your faith in something (be it spiritual, religious, or personal) may not directly harm a creature you are trying to combat, it generally does well in bolstering your resolve and protect your mind from domination.

Now I'm fairly certain this is a subject with a number of you have a respectable amount of experience in, so I'm going to open the floor to questions and answers."

[[ooc: Please wait for OCD (like good little vampires). OPEN "Scale of Vampires includes: Top row from left to right: Count von Count, Nameless blackula from Venture Brothers (Probably based on the movie of the same name, the master, Bela Lugosi, Duckula, Strahd von Zarovich. Bottom row from left to right: Bunnicula, Mr. Vampire, Nameless Median, All the core clans, Alucard Farenheits Tepes, Vlad/Dracula/Alucard. Sadly not included in this class are Forever Knight vampires, Count Chocula, "Drac" from the Groovy Goulies, El Chupacabra, Red/Black/Jade Court from the Dresden Files, people with Pyphoria, those asian vampires that detach their heads from their bodies which fly around trailing various internal organs (Those are my favorite) ]]

Comments

SIGN IN

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

Your teacher is not "a dracula".

Re: SIGN IN

[justmisplaced.livejournal.com]

Shawn Farrell

LECTURE

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

Everybody gets an extensive packet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire) for side reading and reference.

Re: LECTURE

[justmisplaced.livejournal.com]

Shawn flicked through his packet as he half-listened to the lecture. He hasn't come across vampires before, surprisingly enough, but this seems like it could be a pretty interesting topic.

Re: LECTURE

[neurotic-witch.livejournal.com]

Chris reviewed his packet and took notes.

Re: LECTURE

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe reviewed her packet and took careful, detailed notes.

Re: LECTURE

[blessed_twice]

Wyatt listened to the lecture with interest. Knowing about vampires would be really handy. Knowing why his canon contradicted itself about vampires would be even handier.

Re: LECTURE

[wannabehunter]

Jo flipped through the packet, making notes in the margins.

Re: LECTURE

[lilpunkinbelly.livejournal.com]

Dawn read through the packet, making lots of notes about how "her" vampires were different from everyone else's. She was also considering photocopying the packet and sending it to Giles--the new slayers deserved a comprehensive handbook and the old ones needed something for target practice.

Re: LECTURE

[notajar]

Door looks through the packet, noting that while the Velvets of her home aren't specifically mentioned, the techniques for withstanding their aura seem pretty sound, and could be useful in the future.

Re: LECTURE

[cat-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

Schrodinger was sort of paying attention.

He already knew, in his opinion, way, way too much about vamipres. He knew, for example, that vampires could still have foot odor. Although not nearly as bad, in his opinion, as werewolves.

Re: LECTURE

[bound2blade.livejournal.com]

Setsuna can't write her notes without wondering what Evangeline-san's opinion of everything she was writing down would be. Mostly, she was laughing. A lot.

Re: LECTURE

[southernbender.livejournal.com]

Katara shuffled through the packet and tried to pick out words she recognised, but she mainly listened intently to the lecture.

Re: LECTURE

[likethegun]

Sam was taking notes in his packet, because while he still wasn't sure if vampires were real where he came from, he figured it couldn't hurt to be prepared anyway.

Re: LECTURE

[willbedone.livejournal.com]

Willow went through her packet and amused herself by ranking the vampires she knew on the scale.

Re: LECTURE

[walter-n-wires.livejournal.com]

Walter paid close attention, not surprising, given the topic's place near and dear to his heart.

Re: LECTURE

[narglette.livejournal.com]

Luna took a fair amount of notes and scribbled fish and other sea life in the margins.

Re: LECTURE

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

Bridge reviews his packet, noting the absence of any mentions of vampire chalk. Hmm, interesting.

Re: LECTURE

[notawitch.livejournal.com]

Will read through the package and took notes on the various kinds of vampires. With all the many different types of vampires there seemed to be, she tried to find patterns of two or three things that would guarantee killing one.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR TEACHER AND FELLOW STUDENTS

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

Byron and students with experience with vampires (or students who want to try and fake that they do) Ping in here and those with questions ping off of them.

VAMPIRIC QUESTIONS FOR BYRON

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

He's not a vampire. But he'll answer questions about them.

Re: QUESTIONS FOR YOUR TEACHER AND FELLOW STUDENTS

[lilpunkinbelly.livejournal.com]

Dawn could probably answer questions, although some of the answers might be a little theoretical.

Re: QUESTIONS FOR YOUR TEACHER AND FELLOW STUDENTS

[cat-in-the-box.livejournal.com]

Schrodinger could probably match Byron for knowledge about vampires.

Especially Midians. And that "Dracula" fella.

'Course, that'd mean actually talking to him. And we all know how disturbing an experience that usually is.

TEACHER & TAs

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

Byron and the TAs will ping in here. If you want to talk to them about things not vampiric, do it here.

... Though what you could possibly want to talk about that doesn't include vampires is beyond me.

Re: TEACHER & TAs - BYRON

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

Here he is.

Not a vampire.

As per usual.

OOC

[bluewindbreaker.livejournal.com]

It's the cape and the Montel Williams broach isn't it?

Re: OOC

[connernotconnor.livejournal.com]

Manananggal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manananggal) amd aswang (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aswang) represent! Wooooo!