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When students walked into the Danger Shop today, they found themselves surrounded by a very cartoonish, Seussian landscape. Thursday was there, unchanged by the surroundings, waiting patiently for them all to gather.

"Good morning. Change of plan. I don't think we need to spend any more time on theory. You'll learn much more from testing different reactions up against opponents in a more practical setting. Villains are not always dangerous. Villains are not always out for world domination. There comes a time in the career of every hero, crime fighter, detective and normal person who gets caught up in trouble on a regular basis when they meet the Major Annoyance."

Right on cue, this little fellow rode in on his...creature.

"As anyone who was raised on Earth in the 20th century would know, this," Thursday announced, "Is Sam I Am. He will badger you. He will hinder your efforts to exist without going mad. Use whatever you have on you, work alone or in groups, and thwart him. Be warned, he's trickier than he looks." Thursday stepped aside and Sam I Am took over.

"I am Sam! Sam I Am! Would you like green eggs and ham?"

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"Blue milk is not what I do, but green eggs and ham will see you through!"

Luke shrugged. "Sure, I'll try it," he decided.

Sam I Am pulled a large silver platter out from behind his back and lifted the lid. Sure enough, there were green eggs and ham. "Go on, give the eggs a try, if you don't I may start to cry!"

Luke concentrated on thinking solid, then picked up a fork. It wasn't like he hadn't eaten weirder things in his life.

"Thank you," he said, taking a bite.

Excited, Sam I Am moved on to something new. He pulled a fish bowl with a goldfish inside out from behind his back. "Would you, could you, have a fish?"

"A live one? To eat?" Luke looked creeped out. "No thanks."

"No this one is not to eat! You love it and give it a treat!"

"Oh, like Yoda," Luke replied with a smile. "Does it like ham?" He dropped a small piece into the bowl.

"Red fish likes green eggs and ham, blue fish prefers the eggs with jam."

Luke nodded. "I've got some of that, too," he said, sharing the rest of the food with the fish.

Weird, weird fish.

"Three fish, four fish, pink fish, more fish?" He kept bringing out more and more fish bowls, juggling them in his hands.

What. the. hell.

"Emu?" Luke countered.

"..." Sam I Am couldn't think of anything to rhyme with emu. He pulled out his rhyming dictionary, flipped through it, then put it away. Somehow, he still managed to keep the fish bowls balanced on his head. "Would you like it to be blue?"

"Sure," Luke said. "Or green."

"Green or blue or gray or pink! Just don't flush the emu down the sink."

"Because that would lead to needing a plumber," Luke agreed, nodding. "And an explanation of what I was doing with a green emu."

"I'm not paying for the plumber. That would be a real bummer."

Luke smiled, pulling his robe more tightly around him. Just because he was having fun didn't mean he wasn't cold.

"And I don't have his number," he added.

"No number? Well that is a shame.
But if the place floods I'm not to blame."

"No, sticking the emu into the drain would've been entirely my idea," Luke said, blinking.

"We both agree, I'm glad we do, is there anything else I can do for you?"

Luke shook his head. "Don't suppose you'd kow how I can get solid again?"

"No, my friend, I wish I could, and if I knew how I certainly would."

"I appreciate the thought," Luke said. "Thanks anyway."

Novice's Guide to Villains and Villainy - Week 4, Period 3 (Danger Shop)

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