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When students walked into the Danger Shop today, they found themselves surrounded by a very cartoonish, Seussian landscape. Thursday was there, unchanged by the surroundings, waiting patiently for them all to gather.

"Good morning. Change of plan. I don't think we need to spend any more time on theory. You'll learn much more from testing different reactions up against opponents in a more practical setting. Villains are not always dangerous. Villains are not always out for world domination. There comes a time in the career of every hero, crime fighter, detective and normal person who gets caught up in trouble on a regular basis when they meet the Major Annoyance."

Right on cue, this little fellow rode in on his...creature.

"As anyone who was raised on Earth in the 20th century would know, this," Thursday announced, "Is Sam I Am. He will badger you. He will hinder your efforts to exist without going mad. Use whatever you have on you, work alone or in groups, and thwart him. Be warned, he's trickier than he looks." Thursday stepped aside and Sam I Am took over.

"I am Sam! Sam I Am! Would you like green eggs and ham?"

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Sam I Am reeled at the punch. The creature went skittering away. Sam, on the other hand, just stretched back at the force like a rubber band and snapped back into place, rubbing his jaw. "Would you like them while we fight? Would you like them flying a kite?"

"NO!" River screamed, and spun around again, this time kicking Sam I Am and then attempting to catch his arm and hurl him on the floor.

Sam hit the floor hard, still holding onto the platter. He coughed up blood, pouted and looked up pitifully at River. "Would you like them doused in beer? Would you like them with teal deer?"

The blood should have been a warning sign to River, but it didn't seem to work. "No," she repeated and attempted to grab the platter and pull it from his grip."

The platter went reluctantly and Sam I Am scrambled to his feet after her. More accurately, he was chasing the platter. "Would you like them on your face? Would you like them up in space?"

"No!"

River swung the platter out of his reach and back, aiming for his head.

Sam I Am was agile, but not fast enough for River. The platter connected. Sam spun and dropped like a stone, a green egg splattering on his face. After a few moments, obviously dazed (and probably concussed), he gurgled, "So that's a no then?"

River nodded and dropped the platter. "It's a no."

"Green eggs and ham can be quite nice, if you add a little spice."

River picked up the platter and aimed for his head again.

Sam had no sense of self-preservation. "Green eggs and ham can calm your nerves if you serve them as hors d'oeuvres."

River was certain that nothing this... being had to offer would ever calm her nerves. "No!" She hit him again with the platter and raised her arms, preparing a second blow.

Definite concussion by now. "But it's all good for the soul! Go on, please? Please have a bowl!"

After smashing his head againt with the platter, River kicked Sam I Am again and swung him over her head, down on to the floor.

As he was swung, the room spun, but Sam was always on the job. "Would you, could you just today? Would you, could you for an A?"

"No!"

River was getting desperate. After smashing him a few more times with the platter, she kicked off her boots and pulled off her knee high stockings. She proceeded to try and tie him up with them. Tightly.

"Would you do it with a slinky?" he asked, blinking as he was tied up. "No one told me you were kinky!"

River refrained from replying to that. This was a seriously bad day. People were tranparent, she'd had to listen to a lecture on sex with tentacled beings and now this thing was calling her kinky. She pulled out her cellotape from her bag and proceeded to tape his mouth shut, prepared to use all of her tape if necessary.

"MMMphh mmphh ermm mph? Phhmm mmphh mmer mph?"

Haha! Even though he kept on talking, he was muffled enough to no longer be a major annoyance.

A big improvement but not perfect. River found her bottle of glue and proceeded to glue tissue paper on top of the cellotape. It didn't stick together perfectly, but she hoped it would make some difference.

Glancing at Thursday, she wondered if this was considered defeatin Sam I am.

Thursday shrugged and gave a nod. It certainly shut him up.

River left Sam I Am, feeling a little shaken. She couldn't think of anyone that had provoked her to violence that quickly.

And she noted that it was a little cold without her stockings.

Novice's Guide to Villains and Villainy - Week 4, Period 3 (Danger Shop)

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