fandomhigh | Novice's Guide to Villains and Villainy

When students walked into the Danger Shop today, they found themselves surrounded by a very cartoonish, Seussian landscape. Thursday was there, unchanged by the surroundings, waiting patiently for them all to gather.

"Good morning. Change of plan. I don't think we need to spend any more time on theory. You'll learn much more from testing different reactions up against opponents in a more practical setting. Villains are not always dangerous. Villains are not always out for world domination. There comes a time in the career of every hero, crime fighter, detective and normal person who gets caught up in trouble on a regular basis when they meet the Major Annoyance."

Right on cue, this little fellow rode in on his...creature.

"As anyone who was raised on Earth in the 20th century would know, this," Thursday announced, "Is Sam I Am. He will badger you. He will hinder your efforts to exist without going mad. Use whatever you have on you, work alone or in groups, and thwart him. Be warned, he's trickier than he looks." Thursday stepped aside and Sam I Am took over.

"I am Sam! Sam I Am! Would you like green eggs and ham?"

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Will you beat him with a gremlin?
Will you beat him at the Kremlin?

Tori blinked and wondered how Professor Next had come up with this assigment. It was going to be a difficult one to figure out, especially since Tori was familiar with the story.

Sometimes it was really best not to think about what living inside fiction for several years had done to Thursday's mind.

Peter eyed Sam I Am with a bit of chagrin. He didn't need lessons in how to deal with crazy people. He had younger siblings.

Had Thursday been a mind-reader, she definitely would have agreed with the thought about siblings, but being the youngest, would have extended that to older siblings as well.

Isabel sighed, her boyfriend was fading away. She was not really in the mood for this today.

Kaylee was there, but she wasn't in a very good mood. This was likely due to being cold, tired, and transparent.

Some people back home would argue that Pippi is an annoyance and that this should be quite interesting.

Unfortunately, she's looking rather ghostly today and has fallen asleep in her chair.

Luna did not know the book.
My, that was a funny look.

Hermione does know the book, and kind of looks over at Luna with wide eyes because she also kind of hated that book.

"Green eggs and ham do not seem digestively sound." Luna said conversationally.

"I should say not," Hermione says. "I can't imagine wanting to eat it once I'd looked at it anyway."

"I would prefer a nice cup of tea," Luna smiled. "I cannot say that I ever expected to face villainous ham."

"I never expected it to come out of the book," Hermione says. "That thing just... worries me."

"Professor Next will see to him, I am certain." Luna said ~~finally and~~ oh so helpfully. "There are worse at this school than he."

"True. And really, it could be worse. It could be the Cheshire Cat again."

"Or a viscous ghost, or a heliopath (http://harrypotterwiki.org/wiki/index.php/Heliopath), ~~or Hermione Sue,~~ or Voldemort, or a flood in the library," Luna agreed.

There's one thing that catches Hermione's attention. "You actually say Voldemort's name?" she says, but she still drops her voice when she says it out of habit.

Luna also dropped her voice to a whisper. "You did as well."

"Well, yes, but I didn't realize anyone else did," she says. Where she's from, Harry's still the only one who seems to manage it without a problem.

"Fewer words equal faster communication of ideas." Luna shrugged. "We heard it often from Harry last year."

"I don't think we've all made it that far yet in my timeline," Hermione admits. Still, she's glad it's working. "I miss out on DA meetings. I don't know if anyone else has gotten over it yet."

"I am not quite like the others, but they will each come to terms with the name in time." Luna said, still whispering. "I miss the DA, too."

"Did anyone actually manage a Patronus in your time?" she asks. She knows Harry tried teaching them, but she's curious. "Please don't tell me if I did, I'd like to be surprised."

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Peter started making a mental list of everything that rhymed with "Sam."