fandomhigh | Adventuring Survival Tactics, Period 4, A Classroom, 2/2/07

Today, the classroom had pillows. Lots and lots of pillows. The Doctor was standing, with a smug grin on his face. When everyone had gathered, he spoke.

"Sex. If you're going to get all righteous and uptight on me, you're officially excused out the door right now and you can go watch Davey and Goliath clips on YouTube or whatever it is you boring people do. Anyone leaving?"

He paused, just in case anyone did.

"Now this isn't your stupid and silly tab a into slot b lesson. That... well, frankly, that's boring. I'm sure Mr. Harkness could share his expertise for multiple, well, yes, I'm not here to talk about what two humans can do with their block and tackle, right? This is about what happens when you get really friendly with a nice blue girl with mandibles or a scaly fellow who doesn't have lips. So now, please bear with me."

And then the doctor launched into a lengthy lecture. With gestures. Dolls and bizzare plushies as Visual aids. And some possibly psychologically scarring content about what one does with horns, mandibles, scales, tails, and, of course, tentacles.

"So now, pair up, one of you pretend to be a creature with different physiology, and chat each other up. If you need some ideas, there's some ~~tentacle porn~~ magazines under some of the pillows. No actual sex in my classroom, please. I'd get sacked, and that would be a bad thing. So... go ahead and do what comes naturally, eh?"

[ooc: ~~Wait for~~ OCD is up, my friends.]

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But please remember this is a comm post when it comes to explicit content.

River peeked over the desk she'd been hiding under. "Does sex count as a survival tectic, and in what sense? Good for making friends? And what would you suggest to make sure that a tentacled monster never reaches puberty?" Of course, Berthold might be an adult for all she knew. But really, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"In the sense that sometimes, well, you have to do what you have to do to get circumstances to fall how you want. And... if Mr. Harkness didn't look so slightly translucent right now, I'd suggest you ask him about it," the Doctor said. "As for the puberty bit, well... why are you wanting to impune their right to grow up?"

"Right. Berthold will have to move out when he reaches his teens. Not having sex with him." River clearly didn't like the thought. "Just hoping he doesn't define eating ice cream off people sex." She glanced at a translucent Jack. "Could ask Jack. But I'd rather not. Don't think this is really where my talents lie. Better at scaring people."

"Am I to understand you have a pet tentacled thing?" the Doctor said.

"Yes. As a pet, nothing else." River didn't want the Doctor to get the wrong idea here. "And he loves ice cream, but it gives him stomach problems."

"Ever thought about giving him that stuff the lactose-intolerant people take?" the Doctor asked.

River blinked. "No. Didn't know it was available. Miss Poppins suggested healther food, and it does make a difference. He doesn't eat our clothes now. But he complains sometimes."

"Eating clothes is definitely a good thing to avoid," the Doctor said. "Maybe he just needed more fiber in his diet." He chuckled.

River nodded. "That was what Miss Poppins said. So how would I know if Berthold is making advances on me or if he just wants food? I can't read his mind."

"...see what happens?" the Doctor said. "That's about all I can give as advice."

Re: Ask the Doctor a Question

moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com - 2007-02-02 18:31 (UTC) - Expand

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"Professor Doctor Sir? Would it be possible for me to be excused from today's class?" Ami sounded a bit desperate "It is just that i really should be at the library, researching how to fix the transparent people..."

"We're here for a mere fifty minutes, Miss Mizuno," the Doctor said. "Relaxing, getting your mind settled, that'll do you and them more good than panicked research. If you really feel you need to rush off, go ahead and do so, though."

"I am sorry. It is just that i am very worried and well, i can't concentrate on the class anyway" Ami blushed slightly.

"They'll be fine," the Doctor said. "But if you feel the need to run off, like I said, you're welcome."

"I think i will. Let me just tell the person i was sort of working with that i am going. I am sorry. " And she rushed off.

"Do we still have to do this if we're already dating another species?"

The Doctor tilted his head. "You are?"

Teddy nodded.

Because he was. And actually thinking about it made his head hurt.

"Who are you dating?" the Doctor asked, nosy like that.

"Chad." Then Teddy wondered if the Doctor even knew who that was. "Really tall guy."

"And Chad isn't human?" the Doctor said, and then tilted his head. "Wait, no... you're not human."

Another nod. This conversation might have been easier if Teddy was more conscious.

"...suffer from spells of muteness, do you?"

"Evil shadow things," Teddy said, waving his slightly see-through hand. "Kinda killed my energy."

nine-and-ears.livejournal.com - 2007-02-02 22:07 (UTC) - Expand