fandomhigh | Ethics [Monday, January 15, 5th period]

Precisely on time, Darth Vader swept into the room and slammed the door firmly behind him.

"Today we talk about lying," he said, his masked face scanning the faces in front of him as he prowled around the classroom.

"Everyone lies," he stated flatly. "To hide things, to manipulate others, to avoid...unpleasantness." There was a definite hint of scorn in his voice at that last example. "In class today, you are required to pair up and only tell the truth." His cape whirled behind him. "And I can tell if you are not. Such disobedience will result in detention."

He paused for a moment. "And I don't believe in that axiom where if you cannot say something nice, you don't say anything at all. I do not require you to be nice. I require you to be honest." He glanced down at the student roster. "If everyone comes to class today, there will be an odd number. That final person will be interrogated by me."

He crossed his arms over his chest, his mechanical breathing the only sound for a moment. "Name. Place of birth. Classes you are taking," he barked out. "Proceed from there."

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Valentine sat down by Steerpike and looked evenly at him.

"I guess you'll do," he stated.

"Thank you for humbling yourself to work with me," Steerpike replied. "Would you like to start?"

Valentine smirked. Humble indeed.
"No, I really wouldn't like to start, but I fear for my life, and so I suppose we're going to have to. I'm Valentine, I haven't the foggiest clue where I was born, and I'm taking this class, that Fairy Tale Artifacts thinger, that one about Gods in which the teacher thinks I'm a lunatic, and Science... with an exclamation mark."
There. Good enough.
"Your turn."

Steerpike nodded. "My name is Steerpike, though I don't expect you, or anyone else, to remember it. I was born in Gormenghast, but I don't expect you, or anyone else, to have heard of it. I'm obviously enrolled in this class, I'm also taking the Gods class, where the teacher appears to like me, the government class, where the teacher fears I will take over, the revolutions class, which might be the reason the government teacher fears me, and the history class, which has nothing interesting to say about it thus far."

Valentine stared at Slothbreak for a moment before he tilted his head slightly.
"The Gods teacher likes you? How on Earth did you manage that?"

"I flattered him obsequiously."

"I'll have to make a note, honestly discussing the class subject matter leads teachers to think you're mentally challenged, and obsequious flattery gets you everywhere."
Valentine frowned. He was normally rather good at flattery. It was a level of lying that he rather often used to keep himself in one piece. He'd have to try some of that on Thursday.

"I find that's often the case."

"Yes, I generally do as well. Serves me right for actually answering a question honestly." He snorted and leaned back in his seat. "And here I am now, sitting in the oddest Ethics class I've ever heard of, and I have to answer honestly, or else face the wrath of Lord Vader."

"Do you find his theatrics as laughable as I?"

Suddenly, it seemed as though the conversation had backed Valentine against the wall.
Answer honestly and die. Lie and piss off the teacher and potentially die.
He didn't like dying.
Or Detention, or whatever the word for it was in this place.
"I haven't exactly done any... laughing..." He managed to piece together a truthful answer, painful though it may be. "He does seem to... overdo things a little. But for the most part, so long as you go along with the theatrics, it isn't so bad. That things he does, with the door slamming from across the room? I think I might like to learn that sometime."

"It would be a useful skill, I suppose."

"Useful for theatrics," Valentine confirmed. "You find his antics amusing?"

"There is a certain level of entertainment value, yes. It does keep the class interesting."

"It helps that he has a proper face, I suppose," Valentine mused, looking briefly toward the teacher.

"That isn't a proper face. You can't tell what he's thinking. Facial expressions are the center of social communication."

"It's a proper face to me," Valentine confirmed. "I know well enough that anyone in a mask like that means business. It's your face that isn't proper. It's all pink and fleshy and... naked. Eugh."

"What sort of business do you think a mask means?"

"I have the vague notion that his sort of business is the killing and pain sort." Valentine shrugged. "How in the world do you people think that faces like yours can convey any sort of expression at all? I can't tell when you're happy, or angry, or... hungry. You need a mask to show that."

"It's quite simple, actually. When I'm happy, I look like this."

"See, to me, that isn't simple. To me, that's a squishy pink mass doing something sort of... yucky, actually." He pointed briefly and subtly toward Vader. "With a face like that, you know he means business all of the time. Not the nice sort of business, either. Though I imagine there's profit to be had somewhere in looking nasty. With your face, it's just sort of..."
He shrugged. He was running out of ways to say 'your faces all look the same and I find them disgusting, put on masks, all of you.'

"You are a strange, sad man, and I can find no more profit in continuing our association."

Ethics [Monday, January 15, 5th period]

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