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lunch

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Guud murneeng stoodents! Ixcooxe-a me-a iff it seems leeke-a I'm esleep tudey. It's becoose-a I em. Steyed up lest neeght vetcheeng Deseegning Vumee re-a-roons.

Tudey's Menoo:

-Mecurunee und Cheese-a

-Greee Beun Cesserule-a

-Meshed Putetues

-Cherry Piee-a

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"So you want me to tell you how to avoid getting run through with a stake?" Buffy translated. She pondered for a moment. "Sure! I'll help. Dawn's Buffy is really old though."

"Old enough that I might be able to dodge a stake coming at me?" Sam asked hopefully.

Buffy arched an eyebrow at him, then she grabbed the empty salt shaker and threw it at him, aiming with deadly accuracy for his forehead.

"Ow!" Sam scowled and rubbed his forehead as he picked the salt shaker up. "Okay, no insulting the staking skills. Got it."

Buffy beamed. "See, you're learning already! And remember, an older me would probably have even better skillz. Now, I think you should start by complimenting her shoes."

"Okay, I can do that," Sam replied, wondering if he should be taking notes.

"Don't mack on Dawn in front of her," Buffy continued with no revengefulness whatsoever. She looked at him. "Why aren't you taking notes? I'm a very complex person, you know."

Sam scrambled to grab his backpack and get his notebook out. "I figured keeping things nice and innocent with Dawn would probably be wise," he said. "That's about all I managed to figure out on my own."

"Well, that's not a bad start," Buffy allowed. "Okay, compliments of all kinds are good, but not too much! Because then she'll think you're hitting on her and stake you. Oh! Bring up slaying. She'll probably be happy to talk about killing monsters." She paused. "I wonder if she did the thing with the Xacto knife too..."

Sam finished writing, "Ask about slaying - distract with monster talk," when he glanced up at Buffy. "What thing with the Xacto knife?"

Buffy brightened and began waving her fork around eagerly. "Okay, I wasn't out hunting, right? So all I had was a li'l-li'l Xacto knife when I ran into this really huge vampire with a really thick neck, and I had to cling to him and cut into his neck with the Xacto knife. It took forever, but I did it."

Sam did his best not to gape as he struggled between being grossed out, and being seriously impressed. "Wow. Um. Maybe I should ask about that? Because that sounds like a fun story to tell. Or would that give her--you--like, ideas about how to get rid of my body?"

"Not unless you're secretly a vampire," Buffy pointed out. "And vampires tend to go pooof. Not much to hide, really. So you could totally ask her about that!"

"Okay, good." Sam sounded a little relieved as he made a note of that. "Can you think of anything I could do that might make her tell Dawn to stop dating me? So I can avoid doing that, of course."

"I'm not sure if telling Dawn not to do something actually works," Buffy said thoughtfully. "But bad things... Turning into a vampire. Definitive no-no."

Sam smirked. "I don't think I have to worry about that, but I'll keep it in mind."

"Around here, you never know. I was a puppy," Buffy said, poking at her mac&cheese. "So you could probably turn into a vampire by walking into the wrong closet. So stay away from unknown closets for a while."

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