fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday Afternoon, The Auditorium

After watching the crowd gather and encouraging them to settle down long enough to listen to people talk, The Tick began to speak.

"Welcome, students and faculty, to our first assembly of the year! We'll be doing these to help impart something to our students. Give them advice, entertainment, and something worthwhile to do on a Friday afternoon!"

"Today you'll be getting advice from several speakers. They are motivational speakers, people who speak and give advice to help you better yourself! They are the tops in their individual fields, respective Everests, and this assemply is your sherpa, helping you scale that mountain to a better you!"

"Some of today's speakers are professional motivational speakers! Some are fellow students with some special advice! And one is a local business owner just looking to help out!"

"I think it's about time to let them do their jobs now. Please give the speakers your undivided attention and have some fun!"

[OOC: Each speaker will have their own thread, plus there will be a Q&A thread at the end of the post for them to ping into. Please wait to ask the speakers questions until the speakers have pinged in.

There are also a couple of general conversation threads for people who don't want to give their undivided attention. :)

Big thanks to all of the speakers!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Matt got about halfway there before he started tripping over his own feet. He managed to catch himself, and shook it off (but continued to bounce a little while talking) and addressed the students.

"As your esteemed blue man said, my name is Matt Foley, and I am a motivational speaker. Now, let me tell you a little about me. I am 35 years old, thrice divorced, and I live in a van down by the river. Well, not the river here, of course, but a river. Now I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking, 'Who is this person? Why do we have to listen to him? I'm young and pretty and have my whole life in front of me.' To which I say... That's crap. That homeless bum on the street was probably just as pretty as that young man right there," he said, and pointed into the audience. "Your administrators probably thought they had they had the whole world in their hands, and look at them now! Welcome to your hell, kids! You're going to end up overweight and working just to pay alimony while your own living conditions are less than stellar!

"Now, you might be asking yourself, how do I keep myself from that fate, Matt? How do I stay a bright shining star full of hopes and dreams? Well, I'll tell you. You can't. But you can manage! And I don't mean just managing the day shift at Denny's, though a few of you might be able to strive towards that. Set personal goals for yourself. Say to yourself, 'Self, I know I'm going to live a pointless existance, so I should make it the best I can!' I know teenagers. You're still young and pretty, so quit toking on those doobies! And stop with the meaningless sex and killing off brain cells with the boozing! You'll need those brain cells to actually do something with your life. Unless you marry rich, which is less likely when you've ruined all your good looks with your hard living, and then you're left cold and ugly and alone and living in a van down by the river!

"Now you may say, Matt, we don't have a river here in this town. To which I say, SHUT YOUR FREAKIN' PIE HOLE." He held up a hand to signal the end of his speech. "Thank you for your time!"

Nadia has been homeless.

And she's still pretty.

Thus, she decided to ignore this speaker.

Jack was young and very pretty and he grinned when Matt pointed into the audience, because of course he must be pointing at him.

He didn't pay attention to anything that came after that.

School Assembly, Friday Afternoon, The Auditorium

Re: Speaker 5: Matt Foley

Re: Speaker 5: Matt Foley

Re: Speaker 1: Blair Sandburg