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Sociology 310: Death and Dying - Second Meeting

Welcome to class. Please have a seat and I will begin your first lecture.

Lecture Notes (Topics covered include a basic definition of death, the physiology of death, some basic terms.)

As many of you have stated you have previous experience with death, I'd like to discuss the stages of grieving in class.

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger, Rage, Envy, and Resentment
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Please share your thoughts, if you believe these are in the correct order, if any steps have been missed, or if one or more does not belong. Also, feel free to color your thoughts with personal examples as much as you'd like to share, and debate how different circumstances can change this system.

Assignment for Next Class: Read Emile Zola's short story - Death of Olivier Becaille (Scroll down) You will be given as essay topic from it in your next class to complete before you leave.

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Rogue looks down at her gloved hands. "I think that some people never make it past the second stage. They never move from being angry at God, themselves, the dead, and it ruins their entire lives."

She looks up, her expression one of someone who has seen too much, one of great age. "I think the main circumstance that affects this is previous experiences. If one's life has been nothing but a series of painful experiences, then one cannot really move past the anger, because there is no expectation it will get better." She pauses. "I know this, because it's happened to someone very close to me." She gives an ironic grin, that holds absolutely no humor. "Someone very close."

Grissom gives Rogue a soft, reassuring smile. "I have seen the same reaction, myself. Previous life experience colors our perspectives on everything, including our reactions to life and death. But do you believe that person who is unable to complete the stages of grieving can ever function normally in society again?"

Rogue thinks. "No, in my experience, those people cannot every really rejoin society. I mean, they can to an extent, but it's all an act. People who aren't finished grieving aren't over the event that took away their loved one, and they just can't move on."

Would you be willing to discuss why you believe anger is the step that you feel you are caught in?

Allie diligently takes notes and wonders how many times she is going to have to share news with families that will lead down this road.

Thank you for coming, Allie. See you next class.

As someone who's had to cut quite a few souls from quite a few bodies, it's correct. Sometimes they go through a step so quikly that you miss it, but right before they vanish from sight-

Wait, are we talking about the people who just died, or everyone else?

I don't believe we have limited our discussion one way or another. Perhaps the steps are similar for those who are dying, and those who are left. Would you find that to be accurate?

Yes, though I don't have much experience with the living's reaction to someone else's death. The dead are easy. Sometimes they stay on as ghosts if they can't move on to the acceptance stage, but eventually, they all do. The living... When my parents died, I went straight to acceptance, though I suppose I'm a bit abnormal.

What's abnormal, especially in this setting? I think you are right, and that there are always exceptions.

Archie is silent for a long time, mulling the topic over and barely aware of his classmates' words. When an appropriate break in the conversation comes, he speaks hesitantly.

"I can only speak for myself, and perhaps for what I observed from fellow officers and sailors. And, mind you, my experience is more in my reactions to witnessing frequent death than it is in witnessing the death of close friends or family. Simply put, that's the nature of life in the Navy."

He takes a deep breath, gathering into words the many vivid flashes of battles that inhabit some small back portion of his mind. "Naval warfare in my time is rough . . . brutal. I don't know if I can explain to you the fury and chaos of a ship-to-ship broadside, but I can tell you that you would be rare and lucky indeed to be killed instantly by a cannonball. More often the shot tears up the deck and sends splinters flying, and if those kill you instantly you are, again, lucky. Most often it's the infected wounds or the blood loss that kill; in the most painful cases, death is obscenely prolonged by a limb that is blown to bits and amputated only to fester from gangrene." He can see people around him grimacing and looking somewhat ill at ease.

"I've seen all of this," Archie goes on after a moment, "but at this point in my life it's just a fact of everyday existence. I know this appears to have little to do with the discussion at hand, but I am getting to my point now. I am currently at the 'Acceptance' stage, if you will, of living in the constant presence of fatal injury and death. After my first naval battle I was sick for days, and refused the company of my shipmates; for a brief time I was angry that my duty entailed all of this."

He smiles wryly. "Bargaining is not exactly an option in the King's service, however, so any thought I had of that was short-lived. And depression . . . well." A sudden pained haze passes over his face and is gone, though his hands are clenched around the edges of the desk. "I had other things to be depressed about at the time."

In some way, it sounds like you are describing another society, one that has a distinct way of coping with death.

I thank you for sharing your story today.

Marty sits in the back of class, and is still mentally recovering from detention.

"My own thoughts on this whole stages of grieving is that one does not necessarily go through all the stages of death. That's fine if you're a cancer patient, or a greiving family member.... but for those who are about to die suddenly... and know it... it really depends on who they are and where they are in their life. A rich man with a gun to his head is more likely to bargain than deny. A holy man with a gun to his head will more likely pray and accept his death. "

Marty coughs.

"Hypothetically, of course."

Of course. *grin* That's an interesting viewpoint, Mr. Blank. Thank you for sharing it.

*is sketching pictures of various weapons in her notebook*

Stages?

*looks up*

Makes it sound all neat and self-contained. Like a person can only feel one of those things at a time, and after they "change stages" they'll won't feel like they did again.

Doesn't that lead to an overload of emotions, however? How can someone process so many feelings concurrently without shutting down?

How can a trapped animal chew off its own leg?

*shrugs*

Survival instinct's a pretty strong thing. You do what you have to to stay alive.

At least, with emotions you don't need teeth...

But the animal chewing off its own leg, that's more a trauma response, is it not? Not all cases of death illicit such overwhelming responses in people to the point where their brain is only able to function on a base level. And that animal, even a person in that situation, is certainly not running through all the emotions at once, but rather processing in fight or flight. They don't have time for anger, or bargaining.

But you bring up an interesting point - how does a traumitized person function? Your classmate Rogue doesn't believe they necessarily can. Would you agree?

Depends what you mean by function...

You mean get up in the morning, go to classes, fight, lead armies, all that kinda stuff?

Sure they can if they need to, like I said, survival instincts pretty strong motivator.

You mean go out there and become a strong, active, fully integrated, productive member of society?

I'll get back to you if I ever figure it out...

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Sociology 310: Death and Dying - Second Meeting

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