fandomhigh | World Religions, Wednesday, 2nd Period

Sitting behind the desk at the front of the room, cowboy boots propped on its surface, is a scruffy looking man with shaggy dark hair, a goodly five o’clock shadow, jeans, a black shirt with silver collar tabs, an eyepatch over his left eye, and most importantly, a minister’s collar. He laconically watches the students file in and sit down before dropping his feet off the desk and standing up with a clipboard in hand.

“Mornin’. I’m Jesse Custer. You can call me Jesse or Reverend or Reverend Custer, but I’ve been through too many ass whoopins and too much grief to be ‘Mister.’ Remember that and we’ll be right as rain.”

He gives the clipboard to the person sitting closest to him and walks slowly around the class, looking down at each student in turn, making eye contact, taking their measure, and continuing onward.

“Religion. It’s what raises us up, and it’s sure as shit what casts us down. We sing God’s praises. We dedicate our lives to our deity’s services. We kill, torture, and destroy in His name." He smiled and amended, "Or Her name, or their names.

“We’re here to learn about your religions, and also to learn about those you aren’t familiar with. Just ‘cause I’m wearing this collar, don’t expect I’m gonna try to get y’all to convert, because my God’s a bastard and you’re better off without him.

“Today I want two things from you. When you sign in, include your religion, if you have one. If you don’t, just write none. If you’re an atheist, that’s a form of faith in my book, include it.

“Second, I want you to create your own religion. Get together with a friend or two and share your created religion. Try to convince your friend that your religion is the best way to do things. I’ll be watchin’ all of y’all, so you don’t need to worry about writing me reports for this one."

Syllabus

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Blair was tempted by the organic food. "Pizza has all the food groups in one easy quick meal. Leaves us more time for worshipping."

Chad frowned thoughtfully, tapped a finger on his desk a bit. That was a good one, and required a bit more mind bending than the other ones had. Hmmm...

Finally, he had something. After all, his religion was supposedly one that celebrated in sex, so, therefor, celebrated in the human body. "You can praise a god all you want, but does it mean anything if you fail to maintain an appriciation for the gifts he's given you? Too much pizza makes you unhealthy. Gods don't want unhealthy worshippers; it reflects badly on them."

But all this talk of pizza was reminding Chad that he hadn't had breakfast.

Blair was ready for this attack and grinned, bouncing a little. "Which...is why we have so many parties. The dancing at the parties offset the negative effects of too much pizza eating."

That last bounce might have turned into something of a victory dance.

...Well, damn. That was a pretty good arguement. Chad stewed on it for a bit, unable to come up with a counter. "The dancing is," he asked, turning a thoughtful look toward Blair, "I'm guessing, worship rites as well?"

"The conga line is, the rest of it is just in celebration." Blair said with a grin. "But the conga is ceremonial."

Chad nodded. Of course. What else would the conga be but ceremonial? "And how does your religion feel about..." there was a dramatic pause..."the tango?" And, yes, he said it with a particular flourish in his accent, but not too much. It was a big emphasis for him, though.

Blair leaned forward and whispered in a mock accent. "It is forbidden."

Also leaning in, Chad lifted his chin, in what was a dramatic look of repulsion for him. "Blasphemy," he growled, straightening back up. "Almost converted me, Blair. But I'm sticking with my virgins."

"So close!" Blair said dramatically. "What's the name of your religion anyways?"

Chad paused. Nope. Still had nothing. He lifted his shoulders a little, mumbled a bit more than usual. "The Church of Virgin Sexing."

And then promptly straightened and added a machismo, "Of course." As if he'd loved the name all along.

Blair blushed, laughed and blushed some more. "Truth in advertising, man. That's always important.

Chad held up his hand. "No surprises here, man."

Blair grinned at Chad for a moment and then frowned. "Dude, if we didn't convince each other to join...do we fail at the assignment?"

Chad pondered this for a moment. "We were only supposed to try to convince each other, which we did. And we're not at Holy War with each other, so I'd say we passed."

"Yay us!" Blair bounced. "I'd hate to see what a holy war between Church of the Fraternity and Church of Virgin Sexing would look like."

World Religions, Wednesday, 2nd Period

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