fandomhigh | Monologuing, Dialoguing, and Out-Quipping the Bad Guy, Workshop #5, Thursday morning

Ivanova's feeling delicate and tender and the dark glasses are once again much in evidence. She has a laptop sitting next to her when class begins, and a large, throne-like chair is set up at the front, empty for the moment.

"Morning, everyone," she said, pleasantly enough. "Today we're going to be trying something a little different. The last few weeks we've been working on one-on-one conflicts with an opponent - the outquipping and dialoguing bit. I hope, anyways. Today we're going to be doing some monologuing. Specifically, the good old standby of the rousing the troops speech. I've listened to more than a few of them in my long and speckled career, and I managed to get my hands on some recordings. Shut up and listen."

She poked a few buttons and played recordings, most of an older man who looked like he was from Iowa and should be selling used cars, but knew how to give a truly terrifying speech. A woman with a heavy accent and a strange bone crown gave a truly terrifying two-liner ("Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me, you are in front of me - if you value your lives, be somewhere else!")

When she ran out of clips, she hit another button that brought up a still photo, a string of ships hovering in Earth's orbit - and ominous shapes looming before them. "Quick future history lesson. Battle of the Line, the ultimate battle of the Earth-Minbari war. The humans on one side, defending Earth, and the Minbari on the other. The Minbari have lost one ship through the entire conflict, swatting our ships like flies. But, as you can see, this -" She tapped the screen, "- is the only chance for survival, to hold off the Minbari long enough to evacuate as much of the population as possible." Including me. Seventeen-year-old me, with my freckled nose pressed to a transport window while I watched my brother's squadron take the skies. "Today, each one of you gets to be the commander of these few, these proud. You have to get them whipped into a battle frenzy. You have to keep them from cutting and running. You have to inspire them." She smirked. "And, of course, by 'them', I mean 'us'. Your fellow peers will be your command. I want a peanut gallery, folks. Make your commander work for it." She jerked her head at the chair. "Chair's a prop. Use it as you will. Get going."

[[So. This lesson was supposed to be filled with cool quotes from Babylon 5. Instead . . . ninjas! There were, uh, ninjas! Yeah! That's it! But if this lesson were to have cool quote and links to sound clips, they would all be from The Down Below Sound Archive. Whose collection of bloopers is true distracting.]]

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She might even talk back.

"You're wearing dark glasses," Pip said.

"Thanks for the info, Tips."

"Have you been drinking alone again?" Pip asked.

". . . no."

"Yes. And I'm a Japanese Samurai in the Warring States period," Pip responded. "What's up?"

"Seras had pink hair. It was seriously damaging to my calm."

"I think I remember hearing her saying something about how she looks like... well, nevermind. Did something happen because of it?"

Ivanova waved a hand and pursed her lips. "Oh, no, not much. Just a little bit of staring and, oh yeah, I tried to kiss her."

Pip facepalmed. "Given Seras' general discomfort with sex and sexual things, I can't imagine that went well."

Ivanova winced. "Oh. Didn't even know that part of it. Do you think Fandom ground is the kind to very nicely open up and swallow me whole?"

Re: Talk to Ivanova

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River smiled. "The rabbit is great. It scares Berthold."

Ivanova smiled at that. "Who's Berthold?"

"The monster that lives under Buffy's bed," River explained.

"Ah. Of course."

Blair was nearby, of course, but focused on writing a letter more than paying attention to the class.

There was a bag from J,GOB next to him with a small sign that stated:

Monologue-free Zone.

"I can only speak in bursts of three sentences or less?" she asked, wandering over afterwards.

"If you want a donut you had better. If you absolutely must monologue at me there will be no donuts handed out." Blair grabbed the bag and shook it in the air. "Which would be sad because there's a triple chocolate one in here that's been calling out your name all morning."

Ivanova groped automatically for the bag, her sunglasses slipping down her nose to reveal bloodshot eyes. "Triple chocolate? Right under my nose?"

"Right under your nose and all for you. I might even be nice enough to share my frappuccino to wash it down." Blair gave up the bag and eyed her face critically. "Although maybe I should have brought some cucumber for your eyes. What's up with that?"

Ivanova pushed the sunglasses back into place as she dove into the bag. "Pink hair. Alcohol. Never drinking again. The usual," she muttered.

"Do I need to come over and dump out the contents of your minifridge to help with the never drinking again?" Blair passed over the iced coffee with a frown.

She took the coffee gratefully, blessing having a friend like him. "No, I pretty much took care of that myself last night. Besides, I already promised Pip I wouldn't drink alone again."

"Oh yeah. I'm so much happier that you're going to be drinking with Pip." Blair mumbled. "That's nice."

An eyebrow poked over the edge of the glasses. "Blair? Something you'd like to share with the class?"

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