fandomhigh | Monologuing, etc. Workshop #3, Thursday morning

Ivanova's sitting on top of a picnic table with her elbows on her knees, and the first person to so much as mention the Pink Ladies is going to find themselves in detention faster that Rizzo pounced Kenickie.

"I hope you all enjoyed last week's bit of fun with insults. We're going to move on to a related topic today. As we all know, whether from personal experience or late-night movie marathons, the Bad Guy," this said with a suitably villainous waggle of her eyebrows, "Is rather fond of monologuing at Good Guy - that, hopefully, will be you - often revealing their dastardly plan to carve 'you got punk'd' into Australia with a moon laser. And, of course, insulting you. But because your Bad Guy won't have had the superb training that I have given you, their insults will lack the necessary biting flair.

"This is your opportunity to throw their words back in their face. Charlie," she nodded to Kawalsky, "Got a little taste of this last week when he tried to insult my hockey-playing prowess. I continued the hockey theme and questioned his sexuality a bit. But one of my favourite comebacks was," she shrugged, "Unfortunately uttered by one of my least favourite people. He may be a snake, but he is a witty snake. Garibaldi threatened to use his head as a pinata, but he simply turned, smiled, and said "A pinata? Ah, so you think of me as full of candy and laughter for small children.""

Ivanova hopped off the picnic bench and started pacing. It seemed a compulsion with her. She could never stay still for too long. "You see, the most effective comebacks are the ones that leave your opponent, for lack of a better word, blinking and speechless. Not your garden variety 'your mom' retorts. Those are probably just going to get you laughed at. Your literature teachers, if you ever had any, would have taught you about the importance of motifs and themes in great and boring works of literary pretentiousness. They are no less important here. Continuing the theme makes your comeback more effective, even if it makes it harder on your part. You have to think on your feet and suit your words to the occasion.

"So, speaking of 'your mom' jokes, pair up again. Hopefully different pairs than last week. I want your worst, lamest insult and your partner hopefully comes up with a witty riposte. Marks for creativity. I'll be around to practice on. Go to, go to."

[[OCD ~~a-hoy~~ away! As to why this up later than it should be . . . margaritas are yummy?]]

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Joxer spotted Peter and came out swinging. Figuratively.

"You fight like a dairy farmer!"

"Trust me, then, when I say that's the cheesiest insult I've ever heard," Peter said. "And by the way, from the smell of you, you're well past the expiration date.

"Yeah, well. . . Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!"

"With boredom," Peter said. "Keep on talking and you might bore me into a coma."

"Yeah, well, so's your mom!" Joxer said. Because Joxer is witty and brilliant.

"Did your mom drop you on your head too many times as a child?" Peter asked earnestly. "Is that why you wear that stupid-looking armor to this day?"

"Hey, I can take the armor off," Joxer said. "You're stuck with that stupid-looking face all the time."

"Wow, a half-decent insult," Peter said. "Good job finally thinking of one. Maybe you'll come up with an fully decent insult before the end of the workshop. I'm not going to place bets on it, though."

"Your loss," Joxer said. "I'm sure betting on a sure win doesn't make any sense to a guy with a screwed up brain like yours."

"My brain may be a little screwed up, but at least it's functioning," Peter said. "Which is more than I can say for yours."

"My brain works perfectly," Joxer said. "You're just jealous of my striking good looks. Don't worry, when you grow up, you'll be half as handsome."

"You know, half of nothing is still nothing," Peter said. "The only reason people don't mock you to your face more often is because they're too distracted by the phallic helmet to actually see what you look like."

"Too busy nobody even notices you at all," Joxer said.

"Wait, you came over here to talk to me. You just called yourself a nobody," Peter said. "I admit when I'm wrong, you did get one hell of an insult in. Too bad you aimed it at yourself."

Joxer was about to object, then realized better of it. "Yeah. Guess you win, huh?"

"I guess so. Not bad," Peter said.

Monologuing, etc. Workshop #3, Thursday morning

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