fandomhigh | Monologuing, Dialoguing, and Out-Quipping the Bad Guy, Workshop #1, Main Campfire (Thursday morning)

Ivanova was sitting very calmly on one of the picnic tables, her feet on the bench and her elbows on her knees. Serene, almost. She hadn't been nervously pacing her alcove last night, nope. Or checked and rechecked the rudimentary lesson plan she had written, rewritten, ripped up, and then taped back together. In fact, Ivanova looked completely in her element without a trace of nerves.

"So," she begins matter-of-factly when her "class" had assembled. "Welcome to Monolguing, Dialoguing, and Out-Quipping the Bad Guy. I'm currently welcoming any suggestions for titles that won't ~~up a NaNo wordcount~~ take longer to say than to pour the cup of coffee I needed to get up this morning. I don't know why you're here. I barely know why I'm here. Hopefully to help you develop the one skill that doesn't get taught in basic training, but might help you survive in a tight spot better than knowing how to tie a tourniquet or use a garrotte." She smiled. "Yes, I speak of the ancient and venerable art of sarcasm. Sarcasm, snark, wit, gross insubordination, it goes by many names. Some people have a natural talent for it. It is completely lost on others. It can be used to beguile, confuse, convince, and insult."

Ivanova laughed, leaning back a bit. "It can also land you in front of a court martial board or similarly deep shit. I can't teach you snark, or how to control it. I can only encourage you to let out your inner riposte. We'll begin today, in a very obvious place. Dramatic entrances.

"Dramatic entrances," she repeated. "We all make them, with or without meaning to." Her mouth twisted in a wry smile. "I've always been rather fond of storming into a room in the middle of a sentence. Prefacing my comments with 'Those bastards! Those rat bastards!' usually works wonders.

"You want to be able to capture the attention of a room as soon as you enter it - without jumping up and down, waving your arms over you head. In some cases, you may want to be a diversion - attracting attention by pretending to be the main event, while the real main event is slipping around their flank. Or a good entrance can be a delaying tactic, a show of strength, or straight intimidation.

"Today, since it's the first day and I don't know you all yet, we're going to start with introductions. I want you to imagine yourself facing down an army," she gestured to one side, framing the invisible army with her hand, "and your finger is on the button that will make a good number of them go boom. Using nothing but words - no flashy theatrics - introduce yourself. Try to terrify your peers. You can lie and bluff all you want. I'm not going to check you on it, because that army sure as hell won't be able to." She pointed again to the invisible army. "I'll begin."

She drew herself up, suddenly looking older and, well, scary. "I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andrei and Sofie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see." She faltered, realising that was maybe just a little too much. She left off the last line, shook her head to clear it, and shrunk back to what she had been, smirking at them.

"Your turn."

Finally she stood, her back cracking a little as she straightened. "And that's all I have to say today. Your homework for this week - watch as I abuse my power - is to make at least one dramatic entrance. With or without flashy theatrics, your choice."

[[OCD ~~coming~~ up. See here for availability and why it's late. Apologies!]]

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Be dramatic. ~~Steal from canon. I did!~~

River thought about the army and the button. She got that. She also got the introduction part. She just couldn't put the two together. Frowning she looked at Ivanova. "But if I'm going to blow them up, why do I need to introduce myself?"

Oh well. She shrugged. "I'm River Tam. I can kill you with my brain."

Tim drew himself up to his full height and clenched one hand in a fist as if he was holding his sword. "My name is Timothy Alfred Desmond." he said in a low, serious voice. "Son of the Great Hern, Dread and Puissant Champion of the Fae." ~~I am the terror that flaps in the night!~~

Pip grinned widely. "Pip Bernadette. Son of Leon Pernadette. Grandson of Pierre Bernadette. Great-grandson of Phillipe Bernadette.

Tell Pierre, Phillipe, and my father that I did the family proud when you seem them."

Alanna serioulsy hated life sometimes. She thought for a moment and then went for something that was almost true. "I am Squire Alan of Trebond and I've taken out guys twice your size with my eyes closed." She blinked. "Um...change Alan to Alanna. Because yeah."

Conner tried really, really hard to think of an introduction that didn't begin with "Dino Thunder, Power Up, ha" and involve overdramatic pyrotechnic displays exploding behind him. Because really, when you had overdramatic pyrotechnic displays, introductions were unnecessary.

. . . which would be why he was in this class, yes.

Now, to admit to or not admit to what he used to do? Oh, what the hell.

"My name is Conner McKnight, that's Conner with an E-R, star soccer player of Reefside High, formerly known as the Red Dino Thunder Ranger. I guarantee you that I've seen weirder monsters than almost any of you ever will, and even though I can't morph any more, I still can and will kick your balls harder and farther than anyone has ever kicked them before."

"Hi. The name's Xander, Xander Bly. And I ~~believe in magic~~ can kick your ass... with leaves."

"I'm Phoebe Halliwell ~~First Prime of a great warrior~~ Charmed One and Witch. I kill demons for entertainment. I can sure as hell take care of you."

"Hi, my name's Peter and when - not if - I push this button, a lot of you are gonna blow up. They'll be the lucky ones. Have fun!"

"Hi. Joxer. Joxer the Mighty. Hope you like Tartarus. I hear it's lovely... never."

"Hey, kids!" Kawalsky said cheerfully. "I'm Major K! and I like blowing stuff up. Enjoy!"

Demyx stood up, flaring a ring of water around himself before letting it subside. "I'm Demyx. And..." He put his hand to his head, looking away. "...Aw man...they really sent the wrong guy for this one..."

The ball wibbled about some more before finally, FINALLY bursting open in a flash of light, leaving james perched precariously on top of the stump.

He flailed about in shock.

"FREE!" ... Time for the monologue! Who needed Jessie, anyhow? He was free again!

"To protect the world from devastation, and unite all peoples within our nation, I've been trapped inside of a Pokeball, but have finally escaped for the good of all! I am... James! Team Rocket, the Fandom team of one, now I'm back and class has begun!"

Oh, that felt GOOD.

Monologuing, Dialoguing, and Out-Quipping the Bad Guy, Workshop #1, Main Campfire (Thursday morning)

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